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Do you have high expectations for friends?

Looney

Lifer
I don't have many friends, and infact i can say right now, i don't have any 'real' close friends because of them. I do have people i can call up, and who i visit and hang now and then with, but i really don't have 'real' friends, people that i call up when something good happens to me, or when something bad, and share with.

My last 'friend' was this girl who i got really close with for over a year. For over a year, i didn't really hang with anybody else but her... and i think we got a little too close, and it actually stunted my relationship with all my other friends. She was an ex-stripper, but aside from some things that occurred in the beginning, it never developed into anything more. We did a little more than flirting, but she was married, so i put a stop to that... and thankfully i did, because we developed a friendship that i've rarely experienced thanks to that. For over a year, she was my best friend, somebody who i confided in things to, and she confided things to me. We shared almost everything together, and when i wasn't with her, i was often on the phone with her. We had such a friendship that even her husband called me her boyfriend (he wasn't jealous of us, at least not in the beginning). Heck, most thought we were a couple when they first met us, and sometimes we even played bf/gf to strangers or others... one time, a girl called me, and she answered the phone and told her she was my wife... i'm not too sure if she was joking or if she was jealous of the call, but the girl that called was a bit upset, and i'm not too sure if she believed me when i told her it was only a friend joking around. And she was also the reason why i didn't have a gf all the while when i was with her... i didn't need one, she was that close to me. Sure, i guess i missed the sex, but at the time it really didn't seem that important believe it or not. And i don't think i could have had a gf anyways, i doubt any girl would have been secure enough with my relationship with her anyways.

But i felt betrayed by her, so i ended the relationship. Here's a vague description of what happened: she had a couple of other friends, who were brothers and sisters, that she knew before she met me... but she only knew them as slight acquitance. After we were friends, she started hanging around with the sister, and eventually came friends with the brother as well. Because i was with her so often, her friends soon became my friends. The sister was neurotic, and i've always thought so... and for one reason or another, i pissed off the sister. The brother was suppose to do something for me, something very important, and at the last minute, he didn't, because the sister told him not too. He didn't tell me he wasn't going to, because if he did, i could have had somebody else do it, but he decided to just ignore me until it was too late. I figured that something was up, because he was more than willing to do this thing for me, and i knew the sister didn't like me, so i figured if he wasn't mature enough to tell me, then i didn't want to be his friend anymore, so i stopped talking to him. I didn't tell my friend what happened, because i didn't want her to ruin her relationship with them over me, but then one day she confided crying to me, that she knew what happened, and she knew it was the sister's fault... and she told me she wasn't going to be their friend any longer if they treated me so disrespectfully. I felt so good knowing that she knew what happened, and that she was going to be loyal to me and stick with me. She told me that even her husband told her she should have broken off the friendship with them as soon as she found out what they did to me. But a few days later, she was with them, and i asked her what happened, wasn't she going to end her relationship with them? She told me that she told her husband that she was going to break off the friendship with them, but he thought it wasn't a good idea, since he's never seen her this happy in awhile (she's been sick for the last couple of years)... so she didn't, and she was still friends with them.

I didn't even bother replying to that, and i just left, and have never seen or talk to her since then. She's called me a couple of times in the beginning, but i screened the calls and never called back. It's been about 4-5 months now.

Would any of you guys broken off a friendship like this? I mean, she didn't even do anything... it's just that when she told me she knew what happened, and that she thought it was completely wrong of them to treat me this way, and that she was going to break off the relationship... i was so happy, because i thought i had lost her to them, but she told me she was going to break off the relationship. And then she didn't, and it just devastated me. But now, after all this time, i'm not too sure if i did the right thing.

CLIFF NOTES: hmm i'm not too sure i can, but lets see:

Ex-stripper and i became really close friends.
Then we became friends with this brother and sister.
Brother was suppose to do something for me.
I pissed off sister, and sister told brother not to do this thing for me.
My friend told me she found out what they did to me, and promised me she wasn't going to be friends with them any longer.
Couple of days later, i found her with them, and she told me she's still going to be friends with them.
I never saw her again.

Did i over-react? Probably a bit hard to judge if you didn't read my post!
 
Originally posted by: Moralpanic
I don't have many friends, and infact i can say right now, i don't have any 'real' close friends because of them. I do have people i can call up, and who i visit and hang now and then with, but i really don't have 'real' friends, people that i call up when something good happens to me, or when something bad, and share with.

My last 'friend' was this girl who i got really close with for over a year. For over a year, i didn't really hang with anybody else but her... and i think we got a little too close, and it actually stunted my relationship with all my other friends. She was an ex-stripper, but aside from some things that occurred in the beginning, it never developed into anything more. We did a little more than flirting, but she was married, so i put a stop to that... and thankfully i did, because we developed a friendship that i've rarely experienced thanks to that. For over a year, she was my best friend, somebody who i confided in things to, and she confided things to me. We shared almost everything together, and when i wasn't with her, i was often on the phone with her. We had such a friendship that even her husband called me her boyfriend (he wasn't jealous of us, at least not in the beginning). Heck, most thought we were a couple when they first met us, and sometimes we even played bf/gf to strangers or others... one time, a girl called me, and she answered the phone and told her she was my wife... i'm not too sure if she was joking or if she was jealous of the call, but the girl that called was a bit upset, and i'm not too sure if she believed me when i told her it was only a friend joking around. And she was also the reason why i didn't have a gf all the while when i was with her... i didn't need one, she was that close to me. Sure, i guess i missed the sex, but at the time it really didn't seem that important believe it or not. And i don't think i could have had a gf anyways, i doubt any girl would have been secure enough with my relationship with her anyways.

But i felt betrayed by her, so i ended the relationship. Here's a vague description of what happened: she had a couple of other friends, who were brothers and sisters, that she knew before she met me... but she only knew them as slight acquitance. After we were friends, she started hanging around with the sister, and eventually came friends with the brother as well. Because i was with her so often, her friends soon became my friends. The sister was neurotic, and i've always thought so... and for one reason or another, i pissed off the sister. The brother was suppose to do something for me, something very important, and at the last minute, he didn't, because the sister told him not too. He didn't tell me he wasn't going to, because if he did, i could have had somebody else do it, but he decided to just ignore me until it was too late. I figured that something was up, because he was more than willing to do this thing for me, and i knew the sister didn't like me, so i figured if he wasn't mature enough to tell me, then i didn't want to be his friend anymore, so i stopped talking to him. I didn't tell my friend what happened, because i didn't want her to ruin her relationship with them over me, but then one day she confided crying to me, that she knew what happened, and she knew it was the sister's fault... and she told me she wasn't going to be their friend any longer if they treated me so disrespectfully. I felt so good knowing that she knew what happened, and that she was going to be loyal to me and stick with me. She told me that even her husband told her she should have broken off the friendship with them as soon as she found out what they did to me. But a few days later, she was with them, and i asked her what happened, wasn't she going to end her relationship with them? She told me that she told her husband that she was going to break off the friendship with them, but he thought it wasn't a good idea, since he's never seen her this happy in awhile (she's been sick for the last couple of years)... so she didn't, and she was still friends with them.

I didn't even bother replying to that, and i just left, and have never seen or talk to her since then. She's called me a couple of times in the beginning, but i screened the calls and never called back. It's been about 4-5 months now.

Would any of you guys broken off a friendship like this? I mean, she didn't even do anything... it's just that when she told me she knew what happened, and that she thought it was completely wrong of them to treat me this way, and that she was going to break off the relationship... i was so happy, because i thought i had lost her to them, but she told me she was going to break off the relationship. And then she didn't, and it just devastated me. But now, after all this time, i'm not too sure if i did the right thing.

Cliff's Notes please Moralpanic 🙂
 
basically.. don't cross me, and i won't hate you. but you've got to be intresting for me to want to hang around you. kind of thing.
 
If it's been 4 or 5 months since that happened and you still can't get over it, try getting in touch with her again.

What happened is not that big of a deal and true friend > all.

I too have high standard for my friend and i know where you coming from.

I have 2 really really good friend and one of them died 2 years ago, that's the WORST thing that had happened to me in my life.
 
I have different kinds of friends. Some of my friends, they're pretty much never going to do stupid stuff, but we're always there for each other. Some of my other friends...they don't mind getting into fights, they sometimes do stupid things. But...they're always there for me. And I've always been there for them. A buddy and I went to a Leonard Skynyrd concert over the summer. We're both blitzed our of our minds, and decide to stop by Wendy's on the way back. There are like, 8 of us, and we're going to go through the drive-thru. One of the girls with us is a little tipsy, and keeps accidentally kicking the truck in front of us (not hard). The guy ends of getting out and yelling at the girl, so my friend goes and puts himself in between the girl and the guy. The guy immediately pushes my friend to the ground. After my friend gets up, I grab him and pull him back, as he wants to take a swing at this guy. I know that my buddy's in the police academy, and this would not look good for him, so I (along with the other 3 guys) pull him back, and make sure he gets back in the van (while the guy from the truck taunts us).
 
Originally posted by: MC
If it's been 4 or 5 months since that happened and you still can't get over it, try getting in touch with her again.

What happened is not that big of a deal and true friend > all.

I too have high standard for my friend and i know where you coming from.

I have 2 really really good friend and one of them died 2 years ago, that's the WORST thing that had happened to me in my life.

But that's the thing, i don't think she's a 'true' friend. How would you feel if your best friend knew that somebody had betrayed you, but continued to be friends with them and associate with them often? It's just not the same, i don't want to hear what she's doing with the betrayer. Before she told me she knew what they did, she use to tell me things she did with them often... and i use to wince at it, i absolutely hated that she was hanging with them... but i didn't say anything, because i didn't think that she knew, and i didn't want to ruin her friendship with them just based on me. But then she told me she knew what happened, that she hated what they did, and that if i wasn't good enough for them, she wasn't going to bother with them.... but in the end, she didn't keep her word.
 
I don't know... i think i just have too high expectations. In the beginning i was upset, upset and jealous that my friendship meant so little to her. The first couple of calls she made towards me, i was upset that she even called me... but then i was angry that she didn't put more effort into trying to get me back. Maybe i'm the one that's neurotic.
 
Originally posted by: Moralpanic
Originally posted by: MC
If it's been 4 or 5 months since that happened and you still can't get over it, try getting in touch with her again.

What happened is not that big of a deal and true friend > all.

I too have high standard for my friend and i know where you coming from.

I have 2 really really good friend and one of them died 2 years ago, that's the WORST thing that had happened to me in my life.

But that's the thing, i don't think she's a 'true' friend. How would you feel if your best friend knew that somebody had betrayed you, but continued to be friends with them and associate with them often? It's just not the same, i don't want to hear what she's doing with the betrayer. Before she told me she knew what they did, she use to tell me things she did with them often... and i use to wince at it, i absolutely hated that she was hanging with them... but i didn't say anything, because i didn't think that she knew, and i didn't want to ruin her friendship with them just based on me. But then she told me she knew what happened, that she hated what they did, and that if i wasn't good enough for them, she wasn't going to bother with them.... but in the end, she didn't keep her word.

I don't know exactly what happened so i can't comment on that particular case.

But everyone messed up, everyone made mistakes once. You can forgive/tolerate your friend if she/he is worth it. I'm sure you would hope they forgive you if you fvck up once.

Trust is very important in any relationships but to be able to forgive someone is something special.

You can give her one more chance and see how it goes.
 
Also, you don't come across true friends alot in your life. So i would hate to lose a true friend in something that he/she mistakesly done or something insignificant etc...
 
Yeah, i don't even know why i'm thinking about her now. I haven't thought about her for weeks, maybe in months. I'm just remembering some of the things we use to do together. At bars/clubs, guys use to buy her drinks all the time, and she would pass the drinks to me. She didn't have much friends... not too many males would be attracted to her as just friends, and she was a little too flirty with the females, and scare them off... and she can get very sick sometimes, so she was often stuck in bed. Now that i think about her, i think i'm one of the best thing that's happened to her in awhile... even her husband thought so. But it just hurts to think if i was so important to her, why'd she choose me over them... but then again, i really didn't give her a choice, i just left and never talked to her again.

Yeah, maybe i'll give her a call tomorrow, and see what happens.
 
I think I exude a friendly aura. I can make friends with pretty much anyone, anywhere. Too bad that doesn't carry over into my love life, eh?

Once you're my friend, you have my complete trust and attention, just don't f*ck it up. I have friends of all statuses. Rich/poor, race, religion. I have a core group of friends, beyond best friends, we're all really tight. I also have many girl friends who enjoy my company a lot: they can open up to me without me judging em, and I can talk to them about anything for the same reasons. I find it much harder to talk to guys about anything emotional really.

As for your situation, how "important" was the brother's task? Was he finding you a heart donor or just buying you a pound of his dealer's sweetest chiba? Also, why is it wrong for her to hang out with the brother and sister. Did they wrong her in any way? I can see you not wanting to hang out with her when they're around, but getting mad that she hangs out with them isn't going to get you anywhere. And really, its none of your business, if they haven't hurt her in any way.
 
I think I exude a friendly aura. I can make friends with pretty much anyone, anywhere. Too bad that doesn't carry over into my love life, eh?

Once you're my friend, you have my complete trust and attention, just don't f*ck it up. I have friends of all statuses. Rich/poor, race, religion. I have a core group of friends, beyond best friends, we're all really tight. I also have many girl friends who enjoy my company a lot: they can open up to me without me judging em, and I can talk to them about anything for the same reasons. I find it much harder to talk to guys about anything emotional really.

Yeah, i meet people and befriend people quite easily. Who i consider my 'true' friends though are those i share my trust with, and that's pretty rare.

As for your situation, how "important" was the brother's task? Was he finding you a heart donor or just buying you a pound of his dealer's sweetest chiba? Also, why is it wrong for her to hang out with the brother and sister. Did they wrong her in any way? I can see you not wanting to hang out with her when they're around, but getting mad that she hangs out with them isn't going to get you anywhere. And really, its none of your business, if they haven't hurt her in any way.

No they didn't wrong her, aside from hurting her friend, which was me. And that's why i never brought it up, and bit my tongue. It was she that brought it up, and confided in me how upset she was with them for what they did to me. Just because somebody's actions are not directed directly at you doesn't mean that it doesn't affect you. How would you feel towards somebody you know who's a jerk with everybody but you?
 
Do I have high standards for friends?.... YES......
Did you over-react? Maybe, but it's hard to tell over the intarweb. I think as long as you are true to your word, you're ok. If someone else has a problem, it's their problem. You are only responsible for your own actions, or those of the group you are with 🙂, and as such do not have to "fix" anyone else. Sounds to me as if you were right on, someone messed with you, someone else said they would support you, and didn't and as such, you no longer feel the same way about them. It's the way of the world, sad to say.
 
what does the fact that your ex-friend was an ex-stripper? why do you have to label her, maybe you are not the true friend because you are labeling her and most people see the word stripper and think that person is "loose" or parties too much when most of the time that is not the case. i know plenty of girls that are in the adult industry and would never label them as such, that is just plain disrespect. i see people for what they are not what they do, maybe you should too. i would never say ex this or ex that to anybody. you are weak and you need to look in the mirror. :|
 
My highest expectations are reserved for myself.I tend to take my friends as they are and try to accept
them flaws and all..the main issue for me is how people treat me when the shiat is flying.It's easy to be a friend during good times.You'll know who your friends are when times are tough.
 
Originally posted by: Moralpanic
I don't have many friends, and infact i can say right now, i don't have any 'real' close friends because of them. I do have people i can call up, and who i visit and hang now and then with, but i really don't have 'real' friends, people that i call up when something good happens to me, or when something bad, and share with.

My last 'friend' was this girl who i got really close with for over a year. For over a year, i didn't really hang with anybody else but her... and i think we got a little too close, and it actually stunted my relationship with all my other friends. She was an ex-stripper, but aside from some things that occurred in the beginning, it never developed into anything more. We did a little more than flirting, but she was married, so i put a stop to that... and thankfully i did, because we developed a friendship that i've rarely experienced thanks to that. For over a year, she was my best friend, somebody who i confided in things to, and she confided things to me. We shared almost everything together, and when i wasn't with her, i was often on the phone with her. We had such a friendship that even her husband called me her boyfriend (he wasn't jealous of us, at least not in the beginning). Heck, most thought we were a couple when they first met us, and sometimes we even played bf/gf to strangers or others... one time, a girl called me, and she answered the phone and told her she was my wife... i'm not too sure if she was joking or if she was jealous of the call, but the girl that called was a bit upset, and i'm not too sure if she believed me when i told her it was only a friend joking around. And she was also the reason why i didn't have a gf all the while when i was with her... i didn't need one, she was that close to me. Sure, i guess i missed the sex, but at the time it really didn't seem that important believe it or not. And i don't think i could have had a gf anyways, i doubt any girl would have been secure enough with my relationship with her anyways.

But i felt betrayed by her, so i ended the relationship. Here's a vague description of what happened: she had a couple of other friends, who were brothers and sisters, that she knew before she met me... but she only knew them as slight acquitance. After we were friends, she started hanging around with the sister, and eventually came friends with the brother as well. Because i was with her so often, her friends soon became my friends. The sister was neurotic, and i've always thought so... and for one reason or another, i pissed off the sister. The brother was suppose to do something for me, something very important, and at the last minute, he didn't, because the sister told him not too. He didn't tell me he wasn't going to, because if he did, i could have had somebody else do it, but he decided to just ignore me until it was too late. I figured that something was up, because he was more than willing to do this thing for me, and i knew the sister didn't like me, so i figured if he wasn't mature enough to tell me, then i didn't want to be his friend anymore, so i stopped talking to him. I didn't tell my friend what happened, because i didn't want her to ruin her relationship with them over me, but then one day she confided crying to me, that she knew what happened, and she knew it was the sister's fault... and she told me she wasn't going to be their friend any longer if they treated me so disrespectfully. I felt so good knowing that she knew what happened, and that she was going to be loyal to me and stick with me. She told me that even her husband told her she should have broken off the friendship with them as soon as she found out what they did to me. But a few days later, she was with them, and i asked her what happened, wasn't she going to end her relationship with them? She told me that she told her husband that she was going to break off the friendship with them, but he thought it wasn't a good idea, since he's never seen her this happy in awhile (she's been sick for the last couple of years)... so she didn't, and she was still friends with them.

I didn't even bother replying to that, and i just left, and have never seen or talk to her since then. She's called me a couple of times in the beginning, but i screened the calls and never called back. It's been about 4-5 months now.

Would any of you guys broken off a friendship like this? I mean, she didn't even do anything... it's just that when she told me she knew what happened, and that she thought it was completely wrong of them to treat me this way, and that she was going to break off the relationship... i was so happy, because i thought i had lost her to them, but she told me she was going to break off the relationship. And then she didn't, and it just devastated me. But now, after all this time, i'm not too sure if i did the right thing.

CLIFF NOTES: hmm i'm not too sure i can, but lets see:

Ex-stripper and i became really close friends.
Then we became friends with this brother and sister.
Brother was suppose to do something for me.
I pissed off sister, and sister told brother not to do this thing for me.
My friend told me she found out what they did to me, and promised me she wasn't going to be friends with them any longer.
Couple of days later, i found her with them, and she told me she's still going to be friends with them.
I never saw her again.

Did i over-react? Probably a bit hard to judge if you didn't read my post!



I got as far as "stripper"---------------------------

Pic's or Ban
:camera:


Oh, and don't worry about it, there are lots of strippers out there for you to be friends with.
 
I'd like to say you over reacted but I was in an almost exact situation but with a male best friend. I ended up cutting off contact with him and I regret it ever since. The sad thing is I told our "friends" to go to hell because they'd always make racist comments/jokes about my best friend (he's mexican) and he did not want to do anything about it. I'd recommend you contact her if you truely miss her friendship.
 
Nope.... most friends will screw you. I try not to get too close to most people that I know. The only time that this backfired was when I got married. I could hardly find any groomsmen. I ended up getting people that I hadn't seen in 2 years. It was a bit awkward.

 
currant situation is that i have alot of friends, and can make friends easily, but am not really close to anybody, none of them "completely" know me. over the years i've changed my attitudes to alot of things, one of them being that i just act confident and don't get worked up about things, i just laugh it off. one person once said to me "joe you never seem to have bad days". well the truth is i do, but i don't take it out on my surroundings or vent to people [sometimes i do, but i feel like no one cares so i don't tend to bother]

have been close to people friends wise 3 times, all girls.


final girl is rachel. started off meeting her by just flirtingly making fun of her, but gradually became friends. later on i realise i liked her alot, and was sure she liked me from flirting etc, but when i asked her out she declined and i was pretty upset about it. after time we became closer friends again, as i had moved on , but then at this party we were both drunk and kind of cuddled, and i think i kissed her, but it didn't mean anything to me, i was just drunk and didn't wanna go chasing her again. we just stayed good friends. fast forward to just before this summer, there was alot of gossip gonig round that we liekd each toher, and i didn't likeher, but suspected she liked me, as at this party she was flirty again. after the party she gave me a big talking to about how she didn't like me, and then i went away for the summer for 8 weeks, durin which time i found out from a mutual friend that she did admit to liking me once i'd gone. i get back with various intentions, but find out she's involved with some loser guy. she still is to this day, and it just means i'm not as close to her as it doesn't feel right if she has a boyfriend to be flirty or whatever


in conclusion, i have alot of friends, just no really good friends, or best friends. i would stick up for any of my friends in a fight, just cuz i loyal like that, and would expect [but maybe not get] the same fron them
 
I guess I can see things from your point of view Moralpanic. But then again, you have to consider her side. Those are her brother and sister you are speaking of. Do you really expect her to disown them because of you? Her sister and brother wronged you, but did not wrong her.

Your relationship with her does not really compare to their sibling relationship. They've been together for life, while you, maybe a few years at most?

 
Originally posted by: Geekbabe
My highest expectations are reserved for myself.I tend to take my friends as they are and try to accept
them flaws and all..the main issue for me is how people treat me when the shiat is flying.It's easy to be a friend during good times.You'll know who your friends are when times are tough.

Short, sweet and to the point. Right on! Geekbabe.

I will add, for me, the flaws I see best in my friends are the ones I have myself.



 
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