DO YOU HAVE DILDOS? (Brutuskend again)

[Lithium381]

Originally posted by: Brutuskend

Originally posted by: Orsorum
I swear you've told this one before.

Probably....

**CONFIRMED**


oh wait.....

 

[Kenny]

Originally posted by: HajikuFlip
hhhhaa haaaa. Bbbbutt ssseerioousllyyy, ddddoo annny oofff yyyyoouuu knnooww hooww ttttto turnnn it offfffffff?

:Q

 

[TheHeartless]

Originally posted by: Gunther
LOL

 

[bpctech]

har har har.

 

[Mucho]

I got this fwd only last week only it was an elderly lady

 

[DanTMWTMP]

hehe...hey, i want to hear about the voodoo vibrator story where husband gets wife a voodoo vibrator......and police officer.......if u knw the joke u knw what i'm talking about

 

[Brutuskend]

Originally posted by: DanTMWTMP
hehe...hey, i want to hear about the voodoo vibrator story where husband gets wife a voodoo vibrator......and police officer.......if u knw the joke u knw what i'm talking about

Ask and ye shall recieve.


MAGIC DILDO Ver. #1


This lady walks in to a Porn shop one day complaining about the fact that her husband isn't enough for her any more and that she is sexually frustrated. The guy behind the counter suggests a Dildo or Vibrator, the lady blushes as he shows her the different sizes and shapes she can choose from, Last but not least he shows her the 'magic dildo'.
Just say to the dildo what you want it to do and it will be done. The lady goes home, reads the instructions carefully, places the dildo on the chest of draws, and lies on the bed naked with her legs spread. She say's 'Dildo - pussy'.

The dildo lifts off, turns around and shoots straight between her legs. After an unknown amount of time she tires of it and says 'dildo - stop' only to find that it doesn't, it keeps going. She grabs it and pulls it out, dildo jumps strait back in however. She grabs it again, throws it across the room and runs out of the house screaming naked with the dildo chasing along after her. She runs around the corner to be confronted by a policeman wondering what she is doing naked on the street, she explains to him that a magic dildo is chasing her.

The policeman only laughs and says 'Magic dildo my ass!'


Ver.#2

The Voodoo Penis


A business man was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone.

He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.

The old man said,"Well, We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked."Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis."

"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.

The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!

" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door."

The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle.

Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.

After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked.

Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.

Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.

A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass.

The rest is history.

 

[Whitecloak]

hahaha