do inter-religion relationships work?

[dullard]

Originally posted by: WinkOsmosis
One of you has to go to hell.

Some churches teach that all other religions are going to hell. But those are few and far between. Many people believe that similar religions will also get into their heaven. The belief that all others go to hell is in the minority.

 

[DrNoobie]

Originally posted by: Skoorb
Depends on the religions and the relative interest of each individual. A muslim with a catholic will not work if both are devout in it. It could work, I suppose, but is unlikely. However a jew and a methodist might, especially if the jew doesn't really give a crap about their religion.

That's funny, because my cousin, a methodist, has been married to a jewish girl for 5 years now without any problems

 

[spidey07]

They can.

but it is one potential serious source of conflict. If people don't agree on how to raise their kids or what religion they should be that's a deal breaker.

A friend of mine is breaking up with 5 year girlfriend - religious differences.

 

[Mallow]

I know a Church of Christ and a Greek Orthodox Catholic who are getting married. He agreed to raise the kids in her church... it's all about compromise if it's going to work. If either personal has to give too much up it won't work; they will resent their spouse for making their faith weaker.

 

[jjones]

Yes. Been married almost 9 years; the wife is catholic and I'm not sure what you would call me but I'm definately not christian or religious in nature. We have a three year old girl and another rugrat in the works. My wife is pretty religious, goes to church 3 or 4 times a week, prays at night, etc. She knows that I don't believe in christ as the christians do and I kid her about her beliefs sometimes. No problems. We agreed that the kids would be raised as catholics and that was okay with me.

It's really no problem for us; we're both pretty open-minded about it.

 

[Platypus]

no.

 

[Ninjja]

eh.

 

[BigToque]

Originally posted by: jjones
Yes. Been married almost 9 years; the wife is catholic and I'm not sure what you would call me but I'm definately not christian or religious in nature. We have a three year old girl and another rugrat in the works. My wife is pretty religious, goes to church 3 or 4 times a week, prays at night, etc. She knows that I don't believe in christ as the christians do and I kid her about her beliefs sometimes. No problems. We agreed that the kids would be raised as catholics and that was okay with me.

It's really no problem for us; we're both pretty open-minded about it.

jjones... I have a question for you.

My girlfriend is Catholic and I would say that I am agnostic (but lean towards athiesm). My girlfriend is quite religious and wants to raise the kids as catholics (similar to your situation)

How do you deal with handling some situations if they come up, such as masturbation or homosexuality? On my side, if my kids asked me about it, I would tell them that masturbation is fine (but not to do it in public) and homosexuality is normal. My girlfriend and I have decided that we will tell our kids that masturbation should be done in private (leaving out the right/wrong part). The thing that bothers me is that I don't get to tell my kids what I think is 'right', but when the kids go to Catechism and church, etc, they are going to be learning that it is 'wrong' and that homosexuality is wrong.

How do you work out a middle ground here?

Originally posted by: dullard
Yes they work quite well. I'm an athiest and my wife is a Catholic. We get along perfectly. In 9 years we've never had a problem with religion.

Why? I want to live in a comfortable, safe environment. Anarchy is not a thing I'd like to experience. Thus I know that a series of guidelines needs to be followed. Also, others who are around me also need to obey the guidelines. What are these guidelines? Things like: no murder, no robbery, treat others kindly, etc. If everyone did these, I'd be happier (and so would society). I want to maximize my own as well as society's happiness. I do not need a supreme being or a religion to tell me this.

If you boil just about any religion down to its bare essentials, (ie if you ignore the far less important things like "dress up for church on Sunday"), then the result is a set of morals. These morals are nearly identical for all religions. Not surprizingly, these morals are basically the same as my guidelines. Thus I am obeying just about all the major issues in just about all religions. My wife is smart enough to notice.

dullard

I ask you the same question.

 

[Bryophyte]

I didn't want it to be an issue in marriage or with raising children, so I just had a policy of not fvcking christians. As I saw it, I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought I was going to hell, and found it hard to take someone seriously enough to marry who believed what I think is nothing but fairy tales.

I guess some would just think I'm an intolerant bitch, but there it is.

 

[dullard]

Stefan, both I and my wife feel that education is always a good thing. Neither of us can think of an example where the child is better off by being ignorant of the facts when the child needs to make an important decision. Thus we both agree that we will tell the children early as much as we know on the difficult subjects. Then when the child finally must make the decision, he/she is as informed as can be. Sure everyone goofs in their life - we expect the child to goof as well. But by presenting all sides of the story, the chance of a goof is as low as we can make it.

Thus we will tell our children the facts of the subjects you brought up:
(1) We will tell them what homosexuality and masturbation are. This is a full definition which will include scientific and medical statistics (but no opinions)
(2) We will tell them the church(s) viewpoints. And we will say why the church feels that way.
(3) We will tell them our own OPINIONS on the subjects. At times #2 and #3 will conflict - so be it. If we differ from the church, we will discuss why. Yes everyone has personal opinions. They will on occasion disagree with the church. For example, think of all the Catholic vs. Protestant debates.
(4) We will tell them the benefits of following #2 and #3 and the consequences of disobeying #2 and #3.
(5) We will tell them how to correct goofs and how get back on track.

Sadly many people choose to teach #2 only. Then when the child goofs (since he/she doesn't understand #1), then the child is lost in #5 and has no way to fix the situation. Then things escillate and rarely get better.

 

[djheater]

No. Stay in your own group, exclusively. Duh.

 

[Aimster]

Originally posted by: Kenazo
not really. depends on the religion, I would think. If it is an exclusive religion, like Christianity, or islam, I would think not, since you'd be pretty upset knowing your SO would go to hell.

You are an idiot. Neither of those religions say the other religion goes to hell. Go read a book.

 

[dquan97]

I don't think so. I broke up with a girl just because of that reason.

 

[Schadenfroh]

Originally posted by: Kenazo
cathlic school girl... for you.

PICS?????

(preferably in uniform)

 

[sygyzy]

It works well if both people are posers in their religion. Posers = people who wear crosses but never go to church or pray. People who wear Buddhist praying beads but only go to "temple" on New Years. I have friends that are engaged like this. They moan about their religious differences but the fact is, they don't care that much about religion, or why would they get married? Especially when many religions oppose inter-religion marriages.

 

[Aharami]

Originally posted by: isasir
Oh god I hope so.

same here. my gf is a somewhat practicing catholic (goes to church with parents on some sundays) and im a non-practicing hindu
but i wouldnt wanna change my religion...nor would i want her to changer hers. im sure she feels the same way.

not too sure how her parents feel though...esp if we were to get married

 

[Nitemare]

Not if one of the parties is super religious. Should be fine if they are both moderates as long as they don't discuss the R word.

Wife is a non-practicing Catholic and I'm agnostic

 

[SuperTool]

My parents' didn't. Then again my father's second relationship, also inter-religion, is working 15 years now.

 

[wallsfd949]

Originally posted by: Amos 3:3
How can two walk together except they be agreed?

According to the Bible it shouldn't work. While that scripture verse in context is dealing with different religions (IE - Catholics, Baptists, Russelites, Muslems, etc. meeting together for 'worship' should not happen) it does have application in marriage as well. God never intended for born again Christians to marry lost people.

I've heard of saved people who married a lost person and it worked ok, but I've known too many people who it doesn't work for.

 

[EagleKeeper]

Takes tolerance and understanding.

Over 30 years
Wife is a convernt raised Catholic.
I am an agnostic (by some definitions)

 

[BigToque]

Originally posted by: dullard
Stefan, both I and my wife feel that education is always a good thing. Neither of us can think of an example where the child is better off by being ignorant of the facts when the child needs to make an important decision. Thus we both agree that we will tell the children early as much as we know on the difficult subjects. Then when the child finally must make the decision, he/she is as informed as can be. Sure everyone goofs in their life - we expect the child to goof as well. But by presenting all sides of the story, the chance of a goof is as low as we can make it.

Thus we will tell our children the facts of the subjects you brought up:
(1) We will tell them what homosexuality and masturbation are. This is a full definition which will include scientific and medical statistics (but no opinions)
(2) We will tell them the church(s) viewpoints. And we will say why the church feels that way.
(3) We will tell them our own OPINIONS on the subjects. At times #2 and #3 will conflict - so be it. If we differ from the church, we will discuss why. Yes everyone has personal opinions. They will on occasion disagree with the church. For example, think of all the Catholic vs. Protestant debates.
(4) We will tell them the benefits of following #2 and #3 and the consequences of disobeying #2 and #3.
(5) We will tell them how to correct goofs and how get back on track.

Sadly many people choose to teach #2 only. Then when the child goofs (since he/she doesn't understand #1), then the child is lost in #5 and has no way to fix the situation. Then things escillate and rarely get better.

Thanks dullard.

 

[hzl eyed grl]

It works for HayZeus 2000 and I. I think mainly because the basics of what we believe are very similar.

 

[jjones]

Originally posted by: Stefan

jjones... I have a question for you.

My girlfriend is Catholic and I would say that I am agnostic (but lean towards athiesm). My girlfriend is quite religious and wants to raise the kids as catholics (similar to your situation)

How do you deal with handling some situations if they come up, such as masturbation or homosexuality? On my side, if my kids asked me about it, I would tell them that masturbation is fine (but not to do it in public) and homosexuality is normal. My girlfriend and I have decided that we will tell our kids that masturbation should be done in private (leaving out the right/wrong part). The thing that bothers me is that I don't get to tell my kids what I think is 'right', but when the kids go to Catechism and church, etc, they are going to be learning that it is 'wrong' and that homosexuality is wrong.

How do you work out a middle ground here?

I ask you the same question.

Pretty much the same as dullard expressed. My wife is somewhat conservative on these subjects but she knows I'm not and has enough sense to respect that. Just as I respect her and don't go overboard. As some of these subjects come up, and they will, I'll be open about it from my POV (and the wife will probably be cringing a little bit) and I'll leave it up to her to give the church's perspective (while I'll probably be cringing ). But in the end we both want the same thing, we want our children to be well-balanced and informed, and then let them arrive at their own conclusions.

I think the hard part really may be when they hit their teens and then start to pull away from their catholic upbringing as I expect they might typically do. Obviously that won't be a problem with me but my wife may cling to a hope of keeping them in the fold, so to speak. I haven't really thought that one through and I'll probably just leave it until that bridge needs to be crossed, should it ever occur.

The good thing, as I stated earlier, is a mutual respect for each other's beliefs, or non-beliefs, and we can talk about anything at all regarding the subject with complete ease already so I see that being passed along to our childen.

 

[BigToque]

Originally posted by: jjones

Originally posted by: Stefan

jjones... I have a question for you.

My girlfriend is Catholic and I would say that I am agnostic (but lean towards athiesm). My girlfriend is quite religious and wants to raise the kids as catholics (similar to your situation)

How do you deal with handling some situations if they come up, such as masturbation or homosexuality? On my side, if my kids asked me about it, I would tell them that masturbation is fine (but not to do it in public) and homosexuality is normal. My girlfriend and I have decided that we will tell our kids that masturbation should be done in private (leaving out the right/wrong part). The thing that bothers me is that I don't get to tell my kids what I think is 'right', but when the kids go to Catechism and church, etc, they are going to be learning that it is 'wrong' and that homosexuality is wrong.

How do you work out a middle ground here?

I ask you the same question.

Pretty much the same as dullard expressed. My wife is somewhat conservative on these subjects but she knows I'm not and has enough sense to respect that. Just as I respect her and don't go overboard. As some of these subjects come up, and they will, I'll be open about it from my POV (and the wife will probably be cringing a little bit) and I'll leave it up to her to give the church's perspective (while I'll probably be cringing ). But in the end we both want the same thing, we want our children to be well-balanced and informed, and then let them arrive at their own conclusions.

I think the hard part really may be when they hit their teens and then start to pull away from their catholic upbringing as I expect they might typically do. Obviously that won't be a problem with me but my wife may cling to a hope of keeping them in the fold, so to speak. I haven't really thought that one through and I'll probably just leave it until that bridge needs to be crossed, should it ever occur.

The good thing, as I stated earlier, is a mutual respect for each other's beliefs, or non-beliefs, and we can talk about anything at all regarding the subject with complete ease already so I see that being passed along to our childen.

Will you be disappointed if your children believe what your wife believes and not what you believe? Will you hope they change their mind?

*edit*

are your children baptized? will they be? Do you go to church with your wife/kids?

 

[jjones]

Originally posted by: Stefan

Will you be disappointed if your children believe what your wife believes and not what you believe? Will you hope they change their mind?

*edit*

are your children baptized? will they be? Do you go to church with your wife/kids?

Not at all disappointed. I respect pretty much anyone's beliefs, unless they are crazy or violent. I treat our daughter as a person with a developing mind and it's my job is to educate and guide her, but not mold her as a carbon copy of me. The most important things I want to instill in my children are responsibility and respect; if I succeed in that, I'll consider I have done well as a father.

Yes, my daughter is baptized and the rugrat-to-be will also be baptized. This is what my wife wants and I have no problem at all with that or their future involvement in the catholic church. I was raised a catholic myself and although I do not like the church myself, I don't despise it either; I just don't share its view of things, or the christian view of things, or any organized religion's view of things.

I do, on rare occasions, go to church with my wife and daughter, just as I do, on rare occasions, go grocery shopping with them. During football season though, it's just not going to happen.