Divorce sucks :(

[Armitage]

Originally posted by: Cheesehead
Gee, that must stink. My folks have managed to hold their marriage together for nearly 20 years, but the endless fighting is driving me batty. My dad's making chump change because of the lack of jobs for artists, and my mom's working for kerry, but completely forgetting about all the stuff she normally does because my dad's busy doing both a part-time job and supervising the remodeling of their house, which is no small task. I now spend more money on stuff for myself than they do, which is pretty sad consedering that I'm only spend an hour or two a week working.

See if you can get your kids some counseling...it sounds like your daughter needs it.

Having a helpful, caring parent can make a world of difference, but a profession child psychologist has been dealing with this stuff for most of his/her life, so you can bet they know a thing or two about helping your kids. You can get it through your kid's school, although it's usually covered under most health plans as well.

Yea, I'm working on that. Have an appointment on Monday.

Also, remember that your folks are often big helps at times like these. A grandfather is not only another source of emotional security, but he can do day-care, too.

Yep, grandpa helps out where he can, but from 1500 miles away, that's not much. He did come out and babysit for a week so I could take a business trip to Maui a few weeks ago 😛

Best of luck,
Cheesehead.

P.S: Your wife is a nasty individual. She even makes Fidel Castro look positively freakin' benevolent.

 

[AnyMal]

Originally posted by: Armitage

Originally posted by: dquan97

Originally posted by: Armitage

Originally posted by: rocadelpunk
aw, that's so sad : (

do you have a picture of your daughter?

http://pics.bbzzdd.com/users/Armitage/big_smile.jpg
http://pics.bbzzdd.com/users/Armitage/kids.jpg

They're cute!!!!!!!

Thanks folks ... they're great kids. I just worry alot.

That's what we, the parents, do, worry about our kids. I am in the similar situation, having to watch my 8 y/o son torn between two houses and putting up with psycho ex.. I am not a drinker, but I will get drunk on my son's 18th birthday.

 

[Armitage]

Originally posted by: Pliablemoose
Spend as much time as you possibly can with your children & tell them you'll always be there for them & that you'll always be their daddy.

Yep, that's axactly my approach. I'm always the one that's there for them ... getting my daughter on the school bus every day, getting them dinner most nights ... even on the ex's days etc. School & daycare have already figured out to call me first if there's a problem.

You also need to decide what direction your life will take from here on out. I took serious career hits for my choice to stay near my child,

Yea, I expect my career is taking a hit also ... I've had to turn down travel opportunities and cut my hours back to 40/week instead of the more typical 50, etc.

Only thing to keep in mind is being able to look your children in the eye when they're adults & say you did the absolute best you could under the circumstances.

Exactly

Children need to completely understand your unconditional love for them, despite whatever you & your ex have going on @ any given time.

Be a man & take it, don't bitch out the ex, she's already proven she's not worth it.

It sucks bad, made me cry my eyes out, but you owe it to your children.

Be their rock, they deserve it.

Thanks

 

[ArmchairAthlete]

Divorce is better for the kids than living in a house where there is a lot of arguing/strife/violence even.

My parents were seperated for about 2 years, got back together, then divorced for good later. I was probably like 14.

 

[Doggiedog]

Originally posted by: Armitage

Originally posted by: rocadelpunk
aw, that's so sad : (

do you have a picture of your daughter?

http://pics.bbzzdd.com/users/Armitage/big_smile.jpg
http://pics.bbzzdd.com/users/Armitage/kids.jpg

Very cute kids. WTF is your ex thinking? Where is the motherly instinct in her? She must have had a broken childhood if she wants to relive her old days.

I imagine it must be frightening for your children.

Good luck to you and them from another dad of 2.

 

[Armitage]

Originally posted by: ArmchairAthlete
Divorce is better for the kids than living in a house where there is a lot of arguing/strife/violence even.

The thing is, there wasn't any of that. Well, at least not until, over dinner one night, she told me out of the blue that she didn't love me anymore and that she wanted to seperate. Seriously, if you had asked me a day before that happened if we had a healthy, happy relationship I would have answered yes unconditionally.

My parents were seperated for about 2 years, got back together, then divorced for good later. I was probably like 14.

 

[welst10]

Originally posted by: Pepsi90919

To dont get kids.

thank god, they wouldn't be english scholars for sure

haha good catch. pwned

 

[kermalou]

must be tough......:beer

 

[vood0g]

Originally posted by: Armitage

Originally posted by: AgaBoogaBoo
Don't explain to your daughter that you did everything you could, how the ex-wife was wrong, etc. Let her form her own opinion.

Nope ... a 5 year old doesn't care about that, much less understand it. I'm just making sure I'm always here for them. My daughter has developed a real phobia about being left alone. I can't leave the room without telling her where I'm going, and then she follows me. I go out to the car for 30 seconds (10 yds from the front door) without telling her, and she's hysterical by the time I'm back.

yep something like that can really give a child a real bad mindfvck. earlier this year, my wife and i basically left our kids (at the time, 3 year old and 1 year old) to my mother-in-law (i will refer to my mother-in-law as mother) because our schedules was too busy. i work all day and my wife is in medschool. at first we took our kids to day care, but my older daughter did not like it and just wanted to stay home with us. so we ended up taking them out of day care and arranged with my mother to keep them during the week and my wife and i would come home over the weekend to see them. i really did not like the arrangement, but other circumstances made us think that it was the only way to do things at the time since my mother's house is a good 50 minute drive to work and school (in good traffic, which it rarely is in houston) and the apartment that we were staying at was basically 5-10 minutes away.

well, after 3 months of only seeing them on the weekends, my kids began to develop a phobia of people leaving. and then that phobia developed into them not wanting to get close to people. at one point, my kids did not want to play with me on friday night because (i am guessing) they knew that we were going to leave on sunday night for the week. i was surprised to see that change in my kids. it wasnt even a subtle change.

anyhow, fast forward to the present. my wife and i moved back home to my mother's house. we decided the extra drive time and the crazy gas money isnt worth our kids growing up with this arrangement screwing with their minds. the sucky thing about all this was that the apartment lease was not up, so i am basically still paying for an apartment that i am not even using (just made my last rent payment this month, yay!). my older daughter at first was very skeptical about me telling her that i am not leaving and that i am sleeping upstairs. sometimes in the middle of the night she would go into our rooms just to make sure that we are there. she'll follow me around every where at home, and when i went to work she would get depressed. but now, she realizes that i am coming home every night and she really changed. everyone in the family notices that she has been a lot happier since my wife and i moved back home.

anyhow, i think i went off in a tangent somewhere, but your situation just reminded me of this event in my life. i would not wish this upon anyone. parents should always be with their kids. the details of your divorce are unclear to me, so i do not want to comment on that. but from what you said, "wanting to relive a childhood" is definitely not a reason to break a commitment to your family. what your wife did was extremely cruel and heartless. be strong and give lots of love to your children. every thing will turn out just fine if they have plenty of love.

p.s. spoiling them rotten is not showing love. 🙂

 

[Fritzo]

Originally posted by: ifesfor
Its why i took one of the major decision in my life:To dont get kids.Not because i dont love em, but because i just respect them probably too much to hurt them with a situation like this.

Hand and KY 4EVER!

nA im kidding, i got a gfriend and she's on my side 😉.She too dont want kids.

Everyone your age says that. You don't plan kids, they plan YOU.

 

[Ausm]

Originally posted by: Pliablemoose
Spend as much time as you possibly can with your children & tell them you'll always be there for them & that you'll always be their daddy.

You also need to decide what direction your life will take from here on out. I took serious career hits for my choice to stay near my child, an

Only thing to keep in mind is being able to look your children in the eye when they're adults & say you did the absolute best you could under the circumstances.

Children need to completely understand your unconditional love for them, despite whatever you & your ex have going on @ any given time.

Be a man & take it, don't bitch out the ex, she's already proven she's not worth it.

It sucks bad, made me cry my eyes out, but you owe it to your children.

Be their rock, they deserve it.

Well Said, I just told a friend of mine the same thing who is going through a divorce and has 4 kids!

Ausm

 

[Farvacola]

To be quite honest, I think there is way to much stigma surrounding children of divorce. Having been one myself, I didn't actually have a hard time with it. Sure there was a lot of fighting and problems, but i never let myself get concerned, even when I was 3.

 

[OS]

you have cute kids

My bro, he has a friend whos parents separated when he was young. His dad was never around and his mom would often threaten to leave him if he wasn't good. He always had this sad and traumatized look about him.

 

[JulesMaximus]

That sucks. I hope my wife and I never go through that or put my son through that. I love my son so much and I would hate to see him go through that. I love my wife too but it's different with kids.

 

[Armitage]

Originally posted by: OS
you have cute kids

My bro, he has a friend whos parents separated when he was young. His dad was never around and his mom would often threaten to leave him if he wasn't good. He always had this sad and traumatized look about him.

OMG ... that's just sick 🙁
That's abuse as surely as hitting a kid is.

 

[slycat]

Originally posted by: Armitage

Originally posted by: rocadelpunk
aw, that's so sad : (

do you have a picture of your daughter?

http://pics.bbzzdd.com/users/Armitage/big_smile.jpg
http://pics.bbzzdd.com/users/Armitage/kids.jpg

OMG they're HOT!....just kding...damn cute kids u have!

 

[asia]

Originally posted by: Armitage
Just spent the better part of an hour trying to comfort my 5 year old who was crying her eyes out because she "doesn't want to have two houses any more". That's how my therapist reccomended we explain it to the kids at this age ... that they have two houses now.

I just really want to call up their mom & tell her off ... ask her if she's really proud of what she's doing to her kids.
🙁:|:frown::brokenheart:

That is sad

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: Armitage

Originally posted by: OS
you have cute kids

My bro, he has a friend whos parents separated when he was young. His dad was never around and his mom would often threaten to leave him if he wasn't good. He always had this sad and traumatized look about him.

OMG ... that's just sick 🙁
That's abuse as surely as hitting a kid is.

That's for sure. Both my wife and I grew up in split homes. Kids are very adaptable. Just try to be civil when you talk to/about your ex-wife in front of the kids and reassure them that you love them.

Your kids are adorable.

Check out the pics of my son below for ultimate cuteness though!

 

[Ausm]

Originally posted by: Armitage
Yes, it was all her fault.
She just decided that she needed to relive her childhood again and didn't want to be married anymore. No attempt to reconcile.
There was a long thread on it about a year back, but frankly I don't care to see it again right now.

The same thing happed to me after a ten year marriage. I came home after working 12 hours and she said hit the road. The worst thing about was she was having an affair that she conviently forgot to mention 😉

Ausm