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Disposable Women and Children in America

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Originally posted by: DaShen
Originally posted by: mercanucaribe
Originally posted by: DaShen

QFT. I use public transportation as much as possible (environmentally friendly and not that much hassle). Find a job next to where you are currently staying (shelter) and ride a cheap $60 bike for G-d's sake.
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Have you BEEN to America?
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I work and live in Houston, BTW. Oil Capial USA. :roll:

And I take my bike out or walk to the grocery store even though I live in a good neighborhood. I figure the grocery store is only a mile away. Why hurt the environment more by wasting gas when I don't need to? Also the walk and ride are good for my health. My friend lives 10 miles away and I regularly bike to his house (lately I have been taking the car, but that is because I got sick).

I take the Metro to work, and I try to use the bus for any commute that is feasible. It is actually more relaxing taking the bus than driving.
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I agree with this.. I live in Sugar land and use the metro every day almost to commute downtown Houston. 5 bucks a day with no wear and tear on the bike.
There are other ways around the car issue.. hell I dont even own a car at all just a Motorcycle for the last 10 years.

but then again.. I dont have a daughter that needs things like this woman either..
in areas with good metro service its not so much an issue.. but on the flip side.. when was the last time you saw a Metro bus in sugar land or tomball or the Woodlands.. there are areas around here that even though we are in suburbs of one of the biggest cities we have no bus service..


 
Originally posted by: ValkyrieofHouston
Originally posted by: ValkyrieofHouston
Originally posted by: MathMan
Ok... I finally read the thing.

I feel bad for her. I feel even worse for her kid.

I still do not see how her story justifies the title of the thread-- in my opinion, the title is pure 100% flame-baiting.

I would also ask or CVSin and others who think this proves Texas needs new laws to protect womena and children... what exactly kind of law or laws do you propose?

It is apparent this woman hasn't taken advantage of the laws that are currently on the books-- what new law will make her situation better?

I'm not trying to start a fight-- just trying to understand what you propopse should be done differently.
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Actually the title is her title, and if you look at the link you will see I posted her post. Her post did strike me in such a way I thought I would post it here and on some other forums. What I find most interesting is that this is the only forum in which I have had mostly males contribute such an adversarial position to the victim. So many posts that seem to be lacking in understanding. On the other forums there seems to be more educated viewpoints (please don't take that the wrong way) but there isn't this hostility toward the victim.
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Your questions are good ones, and quite frankly I really am not sure. What I do know is that most women who are battered for long periods of time, then eventually get away from an abusive spouse go into a very depressive period. When you are depressed and suffering from PTSD it is very hard to overcome adversity in your life. Thinking clearly is damned near impossible. So as I stated earlier on, I think for her she did the best she could and maybe that blog was a vent on her part, her way of getting her frustration out, telling the world how angry she is. I see nothing wrong with that, and completely understand, and I do feel for her. I have met many women in the sex business that have been battered, and have met those who have managed to get out of their situation and get the help they need. But not all are so lucky.
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And anyone who disagrees with you is uneducated right? Good way to support your arguement.
 
Originally posted by: wvtalbot
That is total BS, she allowed herself to become a victim. Marry an ex-con? Stick around whil he treats you like crap? Come on what do you expect? Fact is there a plenty of women out there who if you laid a hand on you would be dead, period. I am not saying it is 100% her fault but a lot of these things happened (if they are even true) because she let them happen.
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QFT
You have to stand up for yourself in life. If you are waiting for someone else to do it for you be prepared for your life's story to read similar to this one.
I used to be the bullied school nerd all through jr. high. Then one day after getting shoved to the ground for the 100th time I decided I'd had enough and proceeded to break the other kid's nose. I got suspended for 3 days and my parents were quite pissed. But when I came back to school... no one messed with me.
 
Originally posted by: ValkyrieofHouston
Originally posted by: ValkyrieofHouston
Originally posted by: MathMan
Ok... I finally read the thing.

I feel bad for her. I feel even worse for her kid.

I still do not see how her story justifies the title of the thread-- in my opinion, the title is pure 100% flame-baiting.

I would also ask or CVSin and others who think this proves Texas needs new laws to protect womena and children... what exactly kind of law or laws do you propose?

It is apparent this woman hasn't taken advantage of the laws that are currently on the books-- what new law will make her situation better?

I'm not trying to start a fight-- just trying to understand what you propopse should be done differently.
Click to expand...



Actually the title is her title, and if you look at the link you will see I posted her post. Her post did strike me in such a way I thought I would post it here and on some other forums. What I find most interesting is that this is the only forum in which I have had mostly males contribute such an adversarial position to the victim. So many posts that seem to be lacking in understanding. On the other forums there seems to be more educated viewpoints (please don't take that the wrong way) but there isn't this hostility toward the victim.
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Your questions are good ones, and quite frankly I really am not sure. What I do know is that most women who are battered for long periods of time, then eventually get away from an abusive spouse go into a very depressive period. When you are depressed and suffering from PTSD it is very hard to overcome adversity in your life. Thinking clearly is damned near impossible. So as I stated earlier on, I think for her she did the best she could and maybe that blog was a vent on her part, her way of getting her frustration out, telling the world how angry she is. I see nothing wrong with that, and completely understand, and I do feel for her. I have met many women in the sex business that have been battered, and have met those who have managed to get out of their situation and get the help they need. But not all are so lucky.
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That is very true. 🙁 Which is another reason it is a hard luck story, but again, she needs to take some personal responsibility.

I am glad you deal with women in the sex industry. Houston has a very large population of these people, and it is sad. Because not only are they abused by people who take their services, they are abused by the conservative fundies in the Bible Belt (who aren't really Christian if they have no compassion for the people in need, "he who is without sin, cast the first stone"). I can see where you are coming from, but you do realize my point that people who break out of the situation do tend to take personal responsibility for their actions.
 
Originally posted by: DaShen
Battered women have an issue of being revictimized because they don't sit down and realize why they keep getting victimized. Either they totally blame themselves (bad), or totally blame others (bad if not worse because this is harder to treat). The first one can be dealt with by showing the women her self-worth. The second one is very hard to fix because they will not acknowledge the fact that they are partially to blame. Many find solace in whoever they can find that gives them a little special attention. The woman who realize their self worth and decide they don't need others to help themselves end up doing well. Now if the woman rises above the situation, like apparently you did, then they are worth their weight in gold. Otherwise, they keep blaming society for their own issues.
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This goes for everyone not just battered women. You can either choose to blame others for a problem or start deciding how you are going to overcome it. Those that at least put forth the effort to better their lives are not only the ones who do succeed but also the ones who other people admire. Where as those that immediatly seek a fallman for everything wrong in their existence cause others disgust.
 
Originally posted by: CVSiN
Originally posted by: DaShen
Originally posted by: mercanucaribe
Originally posted by: DaShen

QFT. I use public transportation as much as possible (environmentally friendly and not that much hassle). Find a job next to where you are currently staying (shelter) and ride a cheap $60 bike for G-d's sake.
Click to expand...

Have you BEEN to America?
Click to expand...

I work and live in Houston, BTW. Oil Capial USA. :roll:

And I take my bike out or walk to the grocery store even though I live in a good neighborhood. I figure the grocery store is only a mile away. Why hurt the environment more by wasting gas when I don't need to? Also the walk and ride are good for my health. My friend lives 10 miles away and I regularly bike to his house (lately I have been taking the car, but that is because I got sick).

I take the Metro to work, and I try to use the bus for any commute that is feasible. It is actually more relaxing taking the bus than driving.
Click to expand...

I agree with this.. I live in Sugar land and use the metro every day almost to commute downtown Houston. 5 bucks a day with no wear and tear on the bike.
There are other ways around the car issue.. hell I dont even own a car at all just a Motorcycle for the last 10 years.

but then again.. I dont have a daughter that needs things like this woman either..
in areas with good metro service its not so much an issue.. but on the flip side.. when was the last time you saw a Metro bus in sugar land or tomball or the Woodlands.. there are areas around here that even though we are in suburbs of one of the biggest cities we have no bus service..
Click to expand...

It doesn't sound like she lives in an area like SL, Woodlands, ... (all rich areas).
Most other places have excellent transit system (1 every 7-10 minutes). I see families taking their kids places with the Metro all the time. And many places offer discounts on the Metro (some advocacy group...)
 
Originally posted by: DaShen
Originally posted by: CVSiN
Originally posted by: DaShen
Originally posted by: mercanucaribe
Originally posted by: DaShen

QFT. I use public transportation as much as possible (environmentally friendly and not that much hassle). Find a job next to where you are currently staying (shelter) and ride a cheap $60 bike for G-d's sake.
Click to expand...

Have you BEEN to America?
Click to expand...

I work and live in Houston, BTW. Oil Capial USA. :roll:

And I take my bike out or walk to the grocery store even though I live in a good neighborhood. I figure the grocery store is only a mile away. Why hurt the environment more by wasting gas when I don't need to? Also the walk and ride are good for my health. My friend lives 10 miles away and I regularly bike to his house (lately I have been taking the car, but that is because I got sick).

I take the Metro to work, and I try to use the bus for any commute that is feasible. It is actually more relaxing taking the bus than driving.
Click to expand...

I agree with this.. I live in Sugar land and use the metro every day almost to commute downtown Houston. 5 bucks a day with no wear and tear on the bike.
There are other ways around the car issue.. hell I dont even own a car at all just a Motorcycle for the last 10 years.

but then again.. I dont have a daughter that needs things like this woman either..
in areas with good metro service its not so much an issue.. but on the flip side.. when was the last time you saw a Metro bus in sugar land or tomball or the Woodlands.. there are areas around here that even though we are in suburbs of one of the biggest cities we have no bus service..
Click to expand...

It doesn't sound like she lives in an area like SL, Woodlands, ... (all rich areas).
Most other places have excellent transit system (1 every 7-10 minutes). I see families taking their kids places with the Metro all the time. And many places offer discounts on the Metro (some advocacy group...)
Click to expand...

well i know bro those are just a couple of places I know for sure does not have metro in this area im sure there are more.

 
Originally posted by: skace
Originally posted by: DaShen
Battered women have an issue of being revictimized because they don't sit down and realize why they keep getting victimized. Either they totally blame themselves (bad), or totally blame others (bad if not worse because this is harder to treat). The first one can be dealt with by showing the women her self-worth. The second one is very hard to fix because they will not acknowledge the fact that they are partially to blame. Many find solace in whoever they can find that gives them a little special attention. The woman who realize their self worth and decide they don't need others to help themselves end up doing well. Now if the woman rises above the situation, like apparently you did, then they are worth their weight in gold. Otherwise, they keep blaming society for their own issues.
Click to expand...

This goes for everyone not just battered women. You can either choose to blame others for a problem or start deciding how you are going to overcome it. Those that at least put forth the effort to better their lives are not only the ones who do succeed but also the ones who other people admire. Where as those that immediatly seek a fallman for everything wrong in their existence cause others disgust.
Click to expand...

I have a very close friend who is like this -- I've known him for 13+ years. He is lazy and he blames others for his problems, but he is extremely smart and talented. He is a really nice guy, although a jackass sometimes, but all his friends are hoping he grows up a bit. His family is extremely wealthy and his mom coddles him to the point where he doesn't have to worry about anything except his mom yelling at him. He realizes the problem and has a low self-esteem because of it, but he is too lazy to do anything about it. 🙁 It is pretty sad, but again, I hope that he grows up and learns that he needs to change his life around.
 
Originally posted by: CVSiN
I agree with this.. I live in Sugar land and use the metro every day almost to commute downtown Houston. 5 bucks a day with no wear and tear on the bike.
There are other ways around the car issue.. hell I dont even own a car at all just a Motorcycle for the last 10 years.

but then again.. I dont have a daughter that needs things like this woman either..
in areas with good metro service its not so much an issue.. but on the flip side.. when was the last time you saw a Metro bus in sugar land or tomball or the Woodlands.. there are areas around here that even though we are in suburbs of one of the biggest cities we have no bus service..
Click to expand...
*boggle*


edit: my first question is: do those areas pay metro taxes?

 
Its 5am, so bear with me if some of this doesnt make sense...

What i really dont get, is why people always look at "The ones who make it." and just say "why didnt she make it herself?" We all need help, and we all look for help. At the same time there are many people out in the world looking to just abuse and use others for their own personal gain. Stories like this happen because sometimes these two ends meet. Its not the victims fault she was taken advantage of. Sorry, but when your desperate for help, youll look anywhere, kind of like some of us look here for advice on hardware and software issues. Most of the time, we get the help we need, and at the same time we get the flamers and people who just dont contribute to the thread. Hardware may be a smaller risk than life, but really, where else is she supposed to turn? Its just a viscous circle really, when your down, you get desperate; when your desperate you dont always get the right help; just goes downhill from there.

 
It's unfortunate technology allows so many stupid people to live. Sure they have a right to life, but our gene pool is suffering terribly nonetheless.
 
I love how on one hand, this lady feels she is entitled to her ex husbands cars, because she has the children to care for and they are just as much his as they are hers, but on the other hand, she cannot understand why her child would "lie" for the husband so he could get custody, even though the child isn't even biologically his. If it is not his child, why should he care for it then? If he is the adoptive parent, and you want him to support the child as his own, then why would he not want custody. I cannot stand women who want their cake and to eat it to. Talk about retarded logic.

If it is just a situation where the guy came into this marriage with no children, and the women had children, and he adopted, I don't think he owes her a damn thing. She needs to get a job and quit bitching about the bed she made for herself. It sounds as though she is expecting someone from the internet to take pity on her and buy her a car. I truly hope that does not happen. After all, there are two sides from every story, and i'm sure the husband has his side also. I love how he does crack, drinks, etc, but she doesn't do any of that. So she is saying she married a crack addict and knew nothing of it? RIGHT!!!!
 
Originally posted by: waggy
Originally posted by: skace
I paid 200 dollars for my first car. It was a complete piece of crap but it got me to and from my job so that I could maintain an income. This lady paid lawyer fees and then paid 1500 to repair a car when she could have paid less and had a car of her own. That's just terrible use of money considering the situation she was in. She is so fixated on handouts that she is willing to spend MORE money on them than it would be to solve her problems herself.

Oh and men are just as disposable as women and children, does war ring a bell?
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not to mention usually when there is a seperation with children involved its the man who ends up with nothing. Usually the wife gets the house, everything in it, cars and kids. then the man gets to pay for it all plus support the wife. oh yeah and now he needs to support himself.


While i feel sorry for the kids. This women made a lot of bad decisions. Instead of spending $1500 to fix a car that was NOT in her name she should have just buaght one. while it would have been a junker it wouild have been usefull for a short time.

Then she hooks up with a guy (wich sounds like she did nto take the time to get to know) and merry's him and the bullcrap starts all over with a diffrent guy. same story diffrent guy.
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Just because a car cost $1500 does not mean it has to be a junker. There are many good deals out there if you just look around for a few hours. I picked up a 98 Stratus with under 100k on it last year for under a grand and have put over 25k on it and have yet to replace so much as a fan belt. I needed a car immediately and found this within a day.

It is just ridiculous to spend 1500 bucks on a car you don't own, when you can get a car of your own and register it for less, and with no payments on top of that.

I am 32 years old, work full time, and have no problem holding my job with the car in I spoke of. Some women just want to have a nice car that they can show off, but if you don't have the money to even buy your own car, you certainly don't have enough to fix a newer car when it breaks down, or enough to make payments on it. If she was smart, she would have bought a cheap, used car that she could afford, but she wanted a free car, and apparently it had to be HIS car. No other car would do I guess.
 
I call bullsh!t because TX is still one of the worst states in the country when it comes to fathers rights. Mother always win custody by default unless they are bat sh!t crazy and they get significant amounts of child support.
 
Originally posted by: Baloo
Wow! An awful lot of antipathy here. Just goes to show how true the point that woman was making is. I hope none of you ever get married.
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I'm married. I also beleive this women made her choices (bad ones at that) and is now wanting someone to save her. She needs to save herself.
 
Originally posted by: DaShen
Originally posted by: wvtalbot
Lol, so let me get this straight. It is the states fault she never got an education and married a bunch of assholes. This kind of crap disgusts me, how about people start taking responsibility for the stupid decisions that ruin their lives?
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QFT... goes back to everyone having a sense of entitlement.
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so.... you guys want her to take responsibility for being abused? :thumbsup: to you both! ladies and gentlemen, we have model human beings in our midsts!
 
Originally posted by: bonkers325
Originally posted by: DaShen
Originally posted by: wvtalbot
Lol, so let me get this straight. It is the states fault she never got an education and married a bunch of assholes. This kind of crap disgusts me, how about people start taking responsibility for the stupid decisions that ruin their lives?
Click to expand...

QFT... goes back to everyone having a sense of entitlement.
Click to expand...

so.... you guys want her to take responsibility for being abused? :thumbsup: to you both! ladies and gentlemen, we have model human beings in our midsts!
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The state never forced her to marry an asshole. the state did not force her to have a kid. the state did not force her to marry a second asshole. The state did not force her to stop going to school.

These are all choices SHE made. If she were to step up to the plate and admit that SHE made bad choices that screwed up her life and the life of her kid and needed to charitble help, instead of blaming the state for her choices, people might have a bit more sympathy for her plight.... if it is true.
 
Katie Curic interviewed a woman on the Today Show a few months back who wrote a book about her life after going through a devastating and bitter divorce. She basically had zero skills, no education, she could not even balance her own checkbook and did not know how to write a personal check!

But this is precisely the way she wanted it. She wanted to be 'taken care of' and she found a man who would do it. Her husband made all the financial decisions, paid all the bills, and was the bread winner. She raised the kids, cleaned the house, did the laundry, cooked the meals, and attended PTA meetings, never worrying about anything else, which is exactly the life she wanted.

When he divorced her for a younger woman, she was basically starting over at 50-something years of age, but continued to expect others to provide for her needs...until she finally figured out after some time that it was HER responsibility to provide for herself, not everyone else except her. She admitted that she never considered or thought about what she would do without her husband, whether because of divorce or death.

Similar stories involve men and women who became utterly dependent upon their spouse for everything, often to their own preference and liking, but found themselves utterly incapable of coping when that spouse died.

These are personal choices based on flawed expectations and thinking, not a flawed government or welfare system. This isn't Afghanistan or China. Women have only themselves to blame for putting their future entirely in someone else's hands. It happens to men, too.

Had something happened to my mother, my father would have been incapable of fending for himself. Although my father was the primary bread winner, he couldn't balance a check book or write a check. My mother took care of all the financial decisions, paid the bills, took care of the taxes, IRA contributions, insurances, medical bills, etc. There are many millions of men [and women] who would find themselves in similar situations if a spouse died or divorced them.
 
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