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Did I do the right thing?

S

slackerinabox

Lifer
I'm going to cut to the cliffs instead of going through the blow by blow:

1. I live with one of my best friends, "Diane" and her boyfriend - a guy I only know through her.. Let's call him "Phil."

2. "Phil" and Diane have been going out for 3 or 4 years now.

3. Diane is visiting her family on the other coast and has been gone for 2 weeks. Phil stayed here

4. My friend, a casual friend "ann," meets up with me, my ex, and phil for drinks.

5. phil and ann kiss. I notice this and speak to them both at the bar - "diane is a good friend of mine. please don't cheat on her in front of my face. " i also tell "ann" - make out with any other guy in the bar, just don't make out with him..."

6. he says he made a mistake and said that i was a good friend for looking out for "diane".. but then "ann" and phil end up in my apartment, on his bed... i flip out - i tell him that my loyalty is with his gf, my good friend, and that I would call her if the girl is not out of my apartment because I do not keep secrets and I owe him no loyalty.

7. he again, apologizes but continues his actions...

so I call "Diane" and tell her that she should talk to phil.. then I tell phil that he's a scumbag, a loser, pathetic for risking something with someone so special and should get a job and pay his way through life instead of leeching off the girl he's now cheating on.. he gets belligerent - starts shoving me. I shove him back and then tell him that he should be ashamed of himself and storm out to go back to my ex, who's in my room nursing a hang over. "Ann" runs out of the apartment crying and i tell her to have a nice life...

1 day later and I'm still shook up by all of this. Should i have just let him cheat on my friend? My dad said that I shouldn't have gotten involved but, really, what was i supposed to do?

*UPDATE*
Phil is now acting very, very nice. I spent much of the day away from the apartment, hanging out with my parents because I just didn't want to deal with any drama. When I came back he thanked me quickly for what I did. I brushed past it and said it's what I felt like I had to do. Now he just gave me a cd he thought that I'd like and has been chatty and nice, even finally cleaning up the mess he left in the living room. I don't know if I got to him or what, but he's actually being civil and I think he feels guilty.
 
I guess if you look at it in the simplest terms, you kept the loyalty of your best friend but may have lost it for your casual friend and the "Phil" character. Since you really don't know "Phil" that well and since Ann is only a casual friend, you're still on the plus side. However, that's only how I look at it and I bet other people are gonna say you're an ass for prying into other people's business but whatever.

I think you did the right thing.
 
if i didn't tell my best friend that his/her bf/gf was cheating on him/her, i wouldn't be much of a friend imo.
 
You did the right thing.. hopefully your good friend Diane dumps that loser, she's already wasted 3-4 years of her life with him.

Go you. High five!!
 
Originally posted by: kmrivers
You did the right thing. How did Diane feel about all this?
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I spoke to her after she spoke to him, at 6 in the morning - we were both not at our sharpest. She thanked me and I apologized, saying that I didn't want to have to tell her but that she should know. But it wasn't a long conversation, so I'm not sure how she feels now (and I don't want to disturb her vacation again about this).
 
Originally posted by: sundevb
hopefully your good friend Diane dumps that loser, she's already wasted 3-4 years of her life with him.
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I've been trying my best not to judge him but cheating on a girl who gives him spending money because he can't hold a job? That just disgusted me, probably why I flipped out as much as I did.
 
Originally posted by: episodic
That was way too long. I've got adhd - sum it up in one sentence.
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I took out almost all emotional adjectives and stripped it to the list of events that happened, because I have adhd too! Pop some ritalin then re-read it 😉
 
Originally posted by: Azraele
What they did was wrong on several levels. You did the right thing.
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glad you guys think so - I felt that i did the right thing but my dad and mom are saying that i should mind my own business, and I now feel like maybe I did go past a certain line.
 
i would want my best friend to tell me if my gf was out of line

your duty is toyour roommate/friend and thats the right thing to have done
 

*UPDATE*
Phil is now acting very, very nice. I spent much of the day away from the apartment, hanging out with my parents because I just didn't want to deal with any drama. When I came back he thanked me quickly for what I did. I brushed past it and said it's what I felt like I had to do. Now he just gave me a cd he thought that I'd like and has been chatty and nice, even finally cleaning up the mess he left in the living room. I don't know if I got to him or what, but he's actually being civil and I think he feels guilty.
 
Unfortunate that situation occurred.
I know you are here trying to make yourself feel better by getting some positive reinforcement, although no one really wins in that situation, you probably brought about the best outcome
 
I think your motives were good, but I'd bet it's not going to make any difference whatsoever. If she has to give him spending money because he can't or won't hold onto a job, she's already accepted that he's somewhat the loser and is still dating him. She'll probably accept this as well, especially after he's really nice to her and then deflects the blame for his actions to her, you, and/or the other girl. Example - "Honey, I'm really sorry, but you never should have gone off and left me, you know I'm no good on my own." or "Sweetie, I never would have been in that situation if your roommate hadn't talked me into going along, and then he had to go and invite some girl who was all over me after I'd been drinking and was feeling lonely from your leaving me here all alone."
 
Good on ya!. Too many people don't want to get involved. You on the OTH handled it well by acting on your convictions. I would have done the same.
 
Originally posted by: drum
Unfortunate that situation occurred.
I know you are here trying to make yourself feel better by getting some positive reinforcement, although no one really wins in that situation, you probably brought about the best outcome
Click to expand...

You are exactly right - i feel guilty and even feel like a prude drama queen for doing what I did, so i need this positive reinforcement. No one won. I really think i might lose this good friend because I know how powerful a boyfriend never wanting to hang out with (me) will make things difficult between me and her. I knew this before I called her - I knew it would be easier for everyone if I just shut up but I acted on perhaps pride, anger, and my warped idea of what's "right." but, today, i think just ignoring it would have made her return much easier on EVERYONE. "Ann" texted me an angry text suggesting that I'm a dick and i will never see her again, which is fine but.. still.. i'm feeling a bit odd about this
 
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