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Did anyone hear of this before the whole election last year?

L

Locutus of Board

Diamond Member
George W. Bush was invited to a high level meeting at the White House.
After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. He was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal. That afternoon, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the urinal.
"Just think," he said, "When I am President, I'll get to have a gold urinal!"

Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at a fundraiser, she told Hillary how impressed George W. had been with his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.
That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, "Well, I found out who pissed in your saxophone."
 
What the heck, another joke.

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his
chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and
says "O.K., old fellow, time to retire.

" The old rooster says "You can't handle all these chickens...look
at what it did to me!"

The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this.
Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a
hike."

The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon...just let me have the two old hens
over in the corner. I won't bother you."

The young rooster says, "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm
taking over!"

So, the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young
rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race with
you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the
chicken coop."

The young rooster says, "You know I'm going to beat you, old man, so
just to be fair, I'm gonna give you a head start."

They line up in the back of the farm house, get a chicken to cluck
"GO!" and the old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the
young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farm house
and the young rooster is only about 6 inches behind the old rooster and
gaining fast.

The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what's going on,
grabs his shotgun and BOOM!, he blows the young rooster to bits.
He sadly shakes his head and says "Dammit, third gay rooster I
bought this week!"
 
How about some pet peeves?

1.People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the fsck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. When people say Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too?. fscking right!. What good is a cake if you can?t eat it?
4. When people say It?s always in the last place you look?. Of course it is. Why the fsck would you keep looking after you?ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film Did you see that?? No> tosser, I paid ?5 to come to the cinema and stare at the fscking floor.
6. People who ask Can I ask you a question?? Didn?t really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?
7. When something is new and improved?! Which is it? If it?s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it?s an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
8. When people say Life is short.? What the fsck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fscking does!! What can you do that?s longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks Has the bus come yet?? If the bus came would I be standing here, tosser?
 
I dunno Zippy, but here's some more.

One.. day there were 3 castaways on a raft ...and one of the men.. says: "Ah damn is been 10 days and we havent eaten ..im so hungry you know what im going to do.. im going to cut off my penis and eat it.." so he grabs a pocket knife and when he is about to cut it off.. one of his friends yells "Stop, dont do it.. think about your girlfriend for god sake".. the guy with the knife...stops and thinks..and he says "Thank you my friend.. you just stoped me from commiting something really stupid".. the other guy replied .. " i did not say.. not to cut it.. i said think about your girlfriend.. so your thing..gets longer and will be enough for all us"
 
Got a joke.

What does the bartender say to his patrons in a gay bar?

"may I push in your stool for you?"
 
The Schwarzenegger movies are numbered 1 and 4, so I figured that there should be 2 and 3..
So I typed in "http://r-larry.tripod.com/" and the answer I got was "If you're from anandtech and tried to spy by cutting off the URL, get the fvck outta here. 😛" 😀
 
People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

The 2 minutes it takes to look for a remote is better than getting up every 6 seconds to change the channel. Or sitting 2 ft. from it and getting yourself blind.

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks Has the bus come yet?? If the bus came would I be standing here, tosser?

There are such things as different busses that go to different locations..

When something is new and improved?! Which is it? If it?s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it?s an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

WHAT? It's the new version OF it, which has been improved.

When people say Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too?. fscking right!. What good is a cake if you can?t eat it?

I personally have never heard anyone say that..

One more thing to add..people who complain about everything someone does....

There's irony in there somewhere.
 
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