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[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: Meractik
i believe i do while conversing in this thread about a fear and then visiting this url

http://www.socialphobia.org/whatis.html#whatis1

where ever individual inside that url describes me perfectly, although all i really have a problem with is eating in public and alot about going out and meeting new people and i kinda have to play the roll of an actor when doing interviews and play myself off as the person i want to be but behind closed doors i believe i am a mess. but ive been like this for 2-3 years and im only 19 but its not coinsidential that that url can describe the problems i have in such detail if that wasn't what was wrong with me, i choose to fight the war internally with myself and its not going to good i wonder if theres anything else i can do to solve this from my sandpoint where im a student and work full time at a job where it interfere's which i won't have perminently but i feel within the burden of the anxiety and disorder that i would be way better off and more successful in life.

On the bright side, your social anxiety is quite mild compared to some folks, I've heard of people not leaving the house. I think part of overcoing social anxiety is questioning a lot of the assumptions you are making about what people are thinking about you, i.e., when eating in public, you might be assuming people are staring, taking notice, whatever. If you sort of examine that assumption, then test it in the real world by looking around, you'll find people aren't staring at you, they are probably taking no notice of you whatsoever. Also, even if they ARE staring at you, what is the worst thing that could happen? At worst, they might think, e.g., you are an idiot. But how will them thinking you are an e.g., idiot, affect you in any way? You can sort of think through the scenarios in your head, and replace unrealistic or dysfunctional thoughts with more realistic ones. That's the idea behind cognitive behavioral therapy, anyway. People are probably no where near as judgemental about you or as hard on you as you are on yourself.

 

[Meractik]

so the key to beating the phobia would be to factually point out the flaws in what ti is thats causing the phobia to yourself and document them in your head so that when you think about them you think about how they don't make sense and disreguard worrying about them overtime... that makes sense i shall start trying it. in fact today when i go to lunch ill go take a walk to the cafeteria and at least sit with other people today, and if i go over my half hour (its a long walk to the cafeteria) screw it i don't care b/c im not getting any calls anyways! thanks aidanjm again.

-- better yet i sit to much so im not going to sit in the cafeteria im just going to walk around and eat instead

 

[meltdown75]

On the bright side, your social anxiety is quite mild compared to some folks, I've heard of people not leaving the house. I think part of overcoing social anxiety is questioning a lot of the assumptions you are making about what people are thinking about you, i.e., when eating in public, you might be assuming people are staring, taking notice, whatever. If you sort of examine that assumption, then test it in the real world by looking around, you'll find people aren't staring at you, they are probably taking no notice of you whatsoever. Also, even if they ARE staring at you, what is the worst thing that could happen? At worst, they might think, e.g., you are an idiot. But how will them thinking you are an e.g., idiot, affect you in any way? You can sort of think through the scenarios in your head, and replace unrealistic or dysfunctional thoughts with more realistic ones. That's the idea behind cognitive behavioral therapy.

This is good advice... you basically need to develop a thicker skin. I know it's tough, but when you are able to say "who gives a f about what other people think" with conviction, then you are well on your way to getting rid of your social phobia(s). It just comes back to how you were raised and what experiences you have been through. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, especially if it is something trying or worse. I guess what I'm saying is if you've been through sh!t you are better for it, you have the feather in your cap and can chalk it up to experience. But if you've lived a fairly sheltered life... well... it's tougher to break out of a shell that way. I was the same way when I was 18-19... very shy etc... very awkward in personal situations although I seemed to do ok with the opposite sex... 10 years later I can honestly say there isn't much left of that old personality. Like I said I think you'll snap out of it. The fact that you are aware of it puts you miles ahead of many people with the same affliction.

 

[UncleWai]

I used to be like that, but now I want attention.
I kinda just forced myself to speak with strangers at the beginning, it was tough, but now I feel pretty comfortable initializing conversation with people I don't know.

And once you overcome this social phobia, you will realize how much time you wasted sitting at home.

 

[Meractik]

Originally posted by: UncleWai
I used to be like that, but now I want attention.
I kinda just forced myself to speak with strangers at the beginning, it was tough, but now I feel pretty comfortable initializing conversation with people I don't know.

And once you overcome this social phobia, you will realize how much time you wasted sitting at home.

yea i get what you're saying.

but..........................

the only time i waste is that spent in front of the television if its not on a educational channel all the other time is spent learning about and experiencing the computer, a waste? No way! computers are lovely

 

[UncleWai]

I wish I can still feel the same way.
I am commuting to school. Every night when I am at home, I feel hella bored even if I play FPS games.
I guess ignorance is bliss is the best way to describe this.

 

[Meractik]

UncleWai i just segregate the duties like at work i do work and at home ill play games or research in the newestest technologies and look at porn and browse sites that while not porn are in appropriate for work. [i do anandtech at work to keep me sane, but im very cauitous of what i click, i learned what NSFW ment real quick, lol] i leave myself something to look forward to by segregating the duties to keep me interested and motivated and into the subjects

 

[cKGunslinger]

Originally posted by: dullard
I know I do, but I'm slowly overcoming it bit by bit. Here are some snapshots of what I used to be:
[*]Until the age 16, I had my mom order food at the fast food restaurant for me since I was too terrified. Why 16? Since then I had to drive on my own and do it myself. That was quite difficult. I can now order food in person, but I have a very difficult time using the drive-through (for similar reasons I can only bank inside).
[*]I hate the phone. I even did an essay in highschool about how phones were evil. It is quite funny if I remember correctly. Ordering pizza by phone has always been nearly impossible. I would take about 30 minutes of preparation and even writing down everything word for word that I will say to order that pizza. I often hung up halfway through as the stress was unbearable, sweat pooring down my face. Answering the phone is quite bad too if I'm not expecting a call.
[*]I refuse to wear clothing with words as I kept being stopped and asked what the shirt said. The attention was unbearable.
[*]I used to walk around with a small comb in my pocket and comb my hair every ~15 minutes since one hair out of place would mean people stare at me. I tried using moose/hairspray but that attracted more attention.
[*]I have an odd sense of humor. When I was little I tried out some of my jokes in a school carpool and got repeatedly insulted since they didn't find it funny. That made me realize that I had to think before speaking. Bad move. It made me go through ~15 years of thinking/rethinking every word to make certain I wouldn't be insulted before I spoke it. By the time I'm done, I have a very great thing to say but the conversation has moved on 3 minutes ago to a different subject. Thus in groups of 4 or more I'm useless and never say a word. This is my biggest issue remaining, the others I listed above I'm almost recovered from.

What helped me the most? Taking group ballroom dance lessons. I and everyone else notices a dramatic change from what I used to be.

OMG dude - we could be brothers. I have some unnatural phone-phobia as well. I make my wife do all phone-related tasks and even set my work phone to forward all calls straight to voicemail. And it's not really answering the phone so much as having to make a phone call. I do the same as you. I have to have all information written out in front of me, including my name and toher things I know by heart, because as soon as I dial, my mind goes blank and my heart starts beating real fast and I forget all that stuff.

If a drive-through order is going to be any more complicated than "Number 6 with a Sprite," I make my wife or whoever lean over from the passenger seat to place the order. I can't do it.

I also don't talk much in public, because I have an off-center sense of humor and such, and people usually end up just giving me puzzled looks. I never speak up or say anything, unless I've thought about for 10 minutes and imagined all the possible responses. This labels me as very quiet and shy, even though, in my mind, I'm quite extroverted. Anyone who has ever known me would laugh at that.

I put off my speech class in college (a freshman class) for 4 years and took it my final semester before graduation. I skipped 2 speeches entirely and made a C in the class, ruining my high GPA.

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger
I make my wife do all phone-related tasks.

That is where we differ. My wife refuses as she feels it is somehow helping me.

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger
including my name and toher things I know by heart.

People sometimes think I'm wierd writing down my own phone number before calling. But that often comes up and I draw a blank. Very helpful. I've never written my own name down though.