English translation at bottom.
July 24, 13,958
Bark Brif &Braff,
Bark bark bark brif bark-bark MELISSA bark bark brif bark-briff "bark brough briff whine brriiff bar." Bark, briff buwark-bow bwrkbark bark bow MELISSA "grrrrrrrrrrrr." Bow bar canine bark, bow wow briff MELISSA buriff baork bark snort barbow-woo bark whof, bark wow whooofff, bark, barow bark woof-bark bark. Barks woof bark bark woofbark-- bark bark brk-woof snortbraff bark (brkawoof bark hot french mama's bark woof bowbark-- wow brkw). Bark a brf DYLAN barky BARKY AWWWOOOOOOO, WOW BOW WOW mx-4's!
Bark briff bark-bark bork brf-woo brf BARK-BARKS bfr sniff-sniff-sniff awooo bark bark bow woof bark bow brf bnrk bark bowow-awoo NPR. Bark AWOooooo... bark environment woof-woof, bark bark bark bark?
Bark, boof woof love woof bark MELISSA bark brf woof burrwrough briff bark beg-beggy bark snoortts-snorrts brf ahhhhhh-wooooo. BARK BARK, MELISSA brf doo-doo. Briff & Braff bark bark woof ahwoooooooo!
Bark brf Briff,
Dylan, Fleury and Polly
Bark Brf KOCH/FOSTER-KOCH Barkwoo
P.S. Bark MELISSA bark briff YAPPY-YAPPY-WHINEY WHINEY
P.P.S. Bark BEG-BEG awooo awooo
P.P.P.S. Bark brf bark-bork-brf-woo Dylan: Sleak Black Beauty, Bark? Bark?
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TRANSLATION PROVIDED BY MURKY RESEARCH -- LANGUAGE DIVISION
July 24, 13,958*
Dear Brothers of the Pack:
Recently you reported a letter from "Melissa of dubious pedigree" claiming that "even my dog hates your show." Well to this we say that Melissa can "grrrrrrrrrrrr."** As representative of the canine race, we feel that Melissa probably never took the time to really talk to her dog about your show, and had she done so, she would have found that, indeed, her dog thoroughly enjoys the show. Items such as tires that produce static electrical shock are invaluable to us dogs (especially Poodles, who have found such tires to be an ideal way of maintaining the "perm" between shampoos.) And take it from Dylan, nothing will get a Dog started better in the morning than "marking" a pair of freshly parked Michelin MX-4's!
By identifying poorly performing automobiles through the various sounds and smells described in great detail on your show, your provide an invaluable service, justify your existence on National Public Radio and greatly contribute to the health and well-being of the canine population. How many dogs have been saved the embarrassment of passing out half way through a car chase due to fumes from a leaky exhaust or even had their lives saved by not chasing cars with faulty front ends or brakes because of information provided on your show... well the answer is probably in the millions, and..., well, need we bark more? A grateful Dog Nation bows-wow in your honor!
In conclusion, let us say that we love your show and feel that Melissa is probably a frustrated "burrwrough" (rough translation: a female dog) who could probably benefit from a few more milk bones, longer naps and some good old fashioned tummy rubbing. So wake up Melissa and smell the doo-doo. This show provides a valuable public service!!
Love and Licks,
Dylan, Fleury and Polly
Members of the KOCH/FOSTER-KOCH Pack
P.S. Obviously Melissa is the human version of a Chihuahua.
P.P.S. Our "Furless Leaders who walk up-right and provide food" also love your show.
P.P.P.S. Car related question from Dylan: "I recently caught a 1965 Black Ambassador Convertible. Now what do I do with it?"
(*)-- Years of the Dog
(**)-- No direct human translation