Debt ruins relationship

[eits]

Really? Really?

Someone being in that amount of debt says what type of person they are. Would you knowingly want to get married to someone like that? He thought about it more and didn't marry her and was smart enough to run from someone like that. He's smarter than the millions of other people that DO marry someone with that kind of debt.

omg stfu people... honestly. if you honestly loved someone enough to propose marriage to them, you wouldn't let some debt get in the way of that.

the guy's a tool. the end. yeah, you can make the case that he found out what kind of person she was (because of college debt? wtf? come on...) and blah blah blah... ok, fair enough... wtf business did he have proposing to her if he didn't know the kind of person she was already? dude's a douche. case closed.

 

[BoberFett]

Whatever you say eits.

 

[Kelvrick]

Why douche? She was going to bring massive financial burden into his life. Marriage these days is based on this merging of finances, so its fundamental. he's better off without a spend thrift wife.

i don't care how nice the photos are, photography doesn't pay anymore, digital cameras are cheap and everyone can take as many as they want now, folks who are good with a dslr are a dime a dozen.

I'm going to have to disagree with your second paragraph. Being a good photographer nowadays can still get you paid. My wedding photographer's packages started at 4.5k and I had to book him 18 months ahead of time.

More towards the subject, wtf does a photography degree give you. Maybe a design degree, maybe, but if you're good, employers are just looking at your portfolio.

Oh, and I'm also waiting on pics of.

 

[Kadarin]

"for richer or poorer". when you propose, you think about everything before you do it... otherwise, you don't do it. financial burden or not... let's say she BECAME a financial burden? would he dump her then?

he's a douche for not thinking things through and not loving her enough to tough it out and help her with the debt.

"For richer or poorer" applies when you make the wedding vows, which he had not done yet. He broke off the engagement after learning significant new information about her (her actual debt, which was around 70% more than he thought or was told it was), and he decided he was not comfortable with it. Remember, he would be marrying someone who is making $1100/mo minimum payments on debt; what happens if she is unable to work for some reason? Would YOU be willing to take that on? I wouldn't.

 

[chusteczka]

omg stfu people... honestly. if you honestly loved someone enough to propose marriage to them, you wouldn't let some debt get in the way of that.

the guy's a tool. the end. yeah, you can make the case that he found out what kind of person she was (because of college debt? wtf? come on...) and blah blah blah... ok, fair enough... wtf business did he have proposing to her if he didn't know the kind of person she was already? dude's a douche. case closed.

LOL :biggrin:

You often provide some good and interesting arguments. However, your replies in this thread have me rolling in laughter.

Marriage is definitely not worth putting yourself into debt for. Especially to a fiscally irresponsible spouse. A person will have fewer problems and more enjoyment of life staying single than taking on another's debt of substantial size.

A small debt of a year's salary or less can be handled for a student loan. A home loan is another matter but should be considered rather than automatically accepted. Car debt should be less than $15k. Debt for anything else is a large red flag.

 

[goog40]

On July 17th, my life long best friend of 27 years, got married to a very lucky man named Marc. I was not the actual Photographer but I did bring my camera and managed to grabbed a few shots.

She must not be getting a lot of business if her lifelong best friend wouldn't even hire her to do the photos for their wedding.

She got her degree from Brooks Institute, which is owned by:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Career_Education_Corporation

Sounds like it's on par with the likes of Devry and ITT Tech.

 

[RbSX]

This sounds familiar.

I recently broke up with my ex because her family is a financial disaster (she's given them nearly 10-15k in hand outs since we started dating 2.5 years ago), we are both working students. They are about to declare bankruptcy. While I have no doubt my ex has the potential to make a TON of money, her parents are an anchor.

So I broke it off. Fuck debt. It's like being in a tunnel and staring at a train coming at you.



This is for Eits: As someone who has seen the damage that money and family can do, it's not something I would take lightly. Money has a funny way of destroying relationships, passions and dreams. Especially when it's not YOUR DEBT. Why would someone date another person or marry them when they are sinking under their own debt loads? At a certain point you have to be pragmatic.

I would rather find someone without that problem.

Debt isn't the only bad thing, it's also the series of decisions that let them GET to that point where they started sinking under their own debt that would have me most concerned. It's indicative of someone who lacks common sense and is a poor decision maker.


I'm the son of a man who has given his mother a 6 figure allowance for 25 years (she inherited part of the company my dad runs). So the thought of bearing the financial burden of someone else is repugnant to me. I've seen my dad struggle to put food on the table, while my grandmother was living it up going on trips to London, Paris and New York sometimes 2-3 times per year.

Money and family, an unnecessary complication. Life's to short to get involved with a financial mess.

 

[0roo0roo]

"For richer or poorer" applies when you make the wedding vows, ...

even that doesn't apply anymore.. .50% failure rate.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

I once broke up with a gf in my young and foolish years for financial reasons. One day she came to me all excited because for the first time in 3 years, her phone bill was less than her rent.

 

[Mr. Lennon]

I know a guy sitting on 250k worth of student loan debt from USC film school.

 

[Acanthus]

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/04/your-money/04money.html?_r=4



First of all, howTF do you rack up $170k in debt for a degree for PHOTOGRAPHY?

Secondly, how do you rack up $170k in debt for a degree for PHOTOGRAPHY?

Thirdly, i don't know what else to say.

Private school, parents make too much for aid, grades too low for scholarship, live on campus, don't work.

$45k/yr x 4... yup.

 

[Acanthus]

even that doesn't apply anymore.. .50% failure rate.

That's quite low.

 

[amdhunter]

Anyone find a pic of her?

EDIT: Ugh, from her website - hell no. She isn't worth it.

 

[edro]

Wow... $100k for a photography degree?
Most successful photographers don't even have a degree.
Your work speaks for itself... not your degree, like in many other professions.

 

[JS80]

One and two and three: $For$ $Profit$ $College$

I wouldn't expect an idiot like you to know this, but there are plenty of "for profit" colleges that are considered traditional universities like USC.

But it's not like Harvard, Yale, UPenn aren't charging $40k/year on tuition and board.

Heck, even Harvard looks like it's a for-profit corporation.

 

[mrCide]

Anyone who doesn't understand what an important aspect finance is to a marriage is naive. Marriage is a business partnership. Why do you think there are benefits to marriage? I would not marry someone who was financially retarded.

Granted, I'd take the time to help them learn how to handle their money, give them the tools and knowledge, help them get organized. If that works, great, if not, then no future.

 

[Fritzo]

Education is the next bubble, everyone knows this

This is true. It's getting to the point where only the rich/elite will be able to get a higher education, and traditional 4 year degrees are becoming worthless for skilled jobs.

Something's gonna give.

 

[PingSpike]

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/collegeinc/
yea its a depressing watch, corporations have found a way to exploit the college loan/grant system.

Why wouldn't they? They got a law passed so people can't even expunge it through bankruptcy, so your options are basically suicide or indentured servitude after you make a bad play or maybe just have bad luck. They'll get their money. Do you think the bank would have let her rack up $170K on a Photography degree if she could have just gone bankrupt? Do you think college costs would keep skyrocketing if loans had some possibility of not being paid back?

 

[Tweak155]

Why wouldn't they? They got a law passed so people can't even expunge it through bankruptcy, so your options are basically suicide or indentured servitude after you make a bad play or maybe just have bad luck. They'll get their money. Do you think the bank would have let her rack up $170K on a Photography degree if she could have just gone bankrupt? Do you think college costs would keep skyrocketing if loans had some possibility of not being paid back?

Uh, yeah?

 

[eits]

Whatever you say eits.

lol

 

[blinblue]

I good friend of my recently graduated from college, and I know there was a big fight with her fiancé (now husband) about the 100k in student loans. But they managed to work it out, and have a plan to pay it off in about 3 years. And neither of them make a great salary.

So yeah, money can be a huge problem, especially if you have been secretive/lying about it. Thankfully they managed to work through it.

I can understand breaking off the engagement if she had no plan on paying off her debt. However if she was willing to realize that she was mishandling money, and was willing to work on it, then there's a chance of things working out.

 

[halik]

She must not be getting a lot of business if her lifelong best friend wouldn't even hire her to do the photos for their wedding.

She got her degree from Brooks Institute, which is owned by:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Career_Education_Corporation

Sounds like it's on par with the likes of Devry and ITT Tech.

This.

The guy didn't break it off because of the debt, he just realized she's a moron. Six figure debt from university of phoenix = you can't fix stupid.

 

[mvbighead]

Wow... $100k for a photography degree?
Most successful photographers don't even have a degree.
Your work speaks for itself... not your degree, like in many other professions.

This. I could see this being a debate if the guy dumped the chick after learning of that amount of debt if she had been going to medical school for 7 years, but photography? Some people have a knack for it, others don't. And, given that the world is filled with amateurs who can do better than some professionals, is a pretty damned stupid idea to invest over a 100 thousand in schooling for.

And, come to think of it, I can't think of a single amateur doctor who is better at his job than a professional one... actually, I can't think of a single amateur doctor.

If this was the woman I was about to marry, I likely would have done exactly what that guy did. That amount of debt is justifiable for a number of things, but photography school isn't even close. I'd bet one could get a better quality of training for less than $10k, and likely, far less than $10k.

 

[alkemyst]

Financially clueless people like her are partially responsible for the economy we're in right now. If I were her fiancee it would take me 3 seconds to drop her instead of 3 days. Nothing good could come by attaching yourself to an irresponsible person like her. I'm glad that the fiancee got out OK, good for him.

What? She has nothing to do with the economy...also where was it said she was a deadbeat on this responsibility?

Most of those responsible for this mess were the banks, the home builders, and investors...all causing an artifical value.

The private schmoes got stuck in the mess. It's sad that bankruptcy use to be a right we had being that we are a capitalistic nation. Now the big business backers have stifled those rights to protect their own interests.

I bought at the tail-end of all this...only 2 years ago. My house is now worth $96k on a $265k mortgage balance. Prior to the boom property here was in the $140's - 150's. Not only have things adjusted down, but they broke through the bottom and plummetted further.

I have a normal home loan, no teaser rate - interest only - hope I win the lotto when the principle comes due loan...even if I had put 50% down I'd have lost it all if I need to sell today.

It's really doubtful in any term less than ten years I will even break even.

 

[thecoolnessrune]

I feel very fortunate that I'll leave this college with my Bachelors and only 3k of loan debt, of which I have enough liquid assets to cover. Unfortunately, I'm still with a girl who is seeking a Bachelor's as well but didn't have near the financial fortune that I did. She'll have nearly 0 in assets and her parents have been through bankruptcy twice (cancer with no insurance). So it comes to the fact of either washing away my fortune for the sake of helping her, or simply relegating her to school loans and leave it to her to pay them off. Granted, her career path pays big bucks where she lives, and there's definitely big opportunity for her to equalize it over the lifetime (heck, she has the ability now to make double the money I do without the degree) but its a tough pill to swallow regardless.