I live in Houston and those guys were not half a mile from my house a few days ago, holding up an AutoZone. One guy posed as a cop and told people the store was closed while the others robbed it.
Here are some rules for your Yanks:
> > ~~~~~~~~~~
> > >
> > > Travel Advice - Crawford, Texas
> > >
> > > The new Texas White House in Crawford, Texas, will soon be drawing a
> >number
> > > of people to that area, including many who are not used to southern
> > > hospitality. They might find useful the following travel advice issued
> >by
> > > the Southern Tourism Bureau to all visiting Northerners and Northeastern
> > > Urbanites:
> > >
> > > 1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's
> >just
> >a
> > > diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they
> > > know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.
> > >
> > > 2) Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Bubby, Bobby Ray,
> > > Tammy Lynn, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or we will just HAVE to
> >kick
> > > your ass.
> > >
> > > 3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here
> >it's
> > > called Coke. Nobody gives a damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper,
> >7-Up
> > > or whatever - it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to
> >an
> > > ass kicking.
> > >
> > > 4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you
> >(e.g.,Welty,
> > > Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and
> > > generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or
> > > we'll kick your ass.
> > >
> > > 5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner
> > > Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape, Dell computers). Naturally,
> >we
> > > do sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g., Carter, Duke, Barnes,
> > > Clinton). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We are not dumb enough
> >to
> > > let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If
> >someone
> > > tried to do that, we would kick their ass.
> > >
> > > 6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to
> > > Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up
> > > the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If
> >you
> > > visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your
> >ass.
> > >
> > > 7) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell
> > > up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we'll kick
> >your
> > > ass.
> > >
> > > 8) Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly
> >know
> > > that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended-with
> > > gravy. And don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass.
> > >
> > > 9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know
> > > better. Many of us have visited Northern hell-holes like Detroit,
> > > Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it
> > > here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets
> >kicked.
> > >
> > > 10) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because
> >we
> > > don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what
> >we
> > > are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and
> >that's
> > > all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we'll kick your
> >ass.
> > >
> > > 11) Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR
> >lakes
> > > or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR
> > > scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.
> > >
> > > 12) Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold
> > > doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such
> >things
> > > are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet
> >little
> > > grey-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your ass just
> > > like they did ours.
> > >
> > > 13) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in the
> > > countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy,
> > > smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or Baltimore. Make fun of
> > > our fresh air, and we'll kick your sorry ass.
> > >
> > > 14) Nothing in California is Southern, so if you come down here, don't
> > > think you one of us just because you say you're from Southern
> > > California. Your Mexicans didn't invent low riders, ours did. And the
> > > food is Tex Mex. It isn't Cali Mex. You haven't contributed anything
> >to
> > > South so don't take credit or we'll kick your ass.
> > >
> > > 15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us how
> >to
> > > barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked).
> > > You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our barbeque,
> >and
> > > you will go home in a pine box. Minus your ass.
> > >
> > >
>
