Dear Red States (P&N joke)

[RightIsWrong]

Originally posted by: winnar111
Someone tell the author here that the red states have most of the guns and all the military bases.

You really need to get out more and stop drinking the Kool-aid.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L...ases#Within_the_U.S._2


There are 61 total bases listed and of that total, 29 ( > 47.5%) voted blue this last election cycle.

Oh, and don't confuse states with gun control as not permitting guns. All states still allow guns to be had, the blues are just stricter on carrying them in public...not limiting the amount you can own.

 

[xenolith]

Originally posted by: BoomerD

Originally posted by: xenolith
So much for Obama's emotional calls for unity. :roll:

BTW, slavery was abolished in all US states with the ratification of the 13th Amendment of the US Constitution in 1865.

And it only took until the 1960's and several Federal Court orders for y'all to let y'alls nigras vote...mighty progressive of ya...
(although you still throw up every possible objection to keep them from voting Democrat.)

You do know the difference between the 13th and 15th amendments, right?

BTW, do you always throw around racists epithets so freely on public forums? How progressive of you.

 

[ScottMac]

Originally posted by: RichardE
Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. You get Sara Palin and Ralph Reed.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get the world's largest ball of twine. We get Intel, Apple and Microsoft. You get WalMart. We get Harvard. You get Liberty University. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood, Broadway, Big Sur, The Great Lakes and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out, Blue States

Anything would be worth it to be rid of you perpetually whining asshats.
Don't let the door hit you in the on the way out, we can split the cost of the wall.

 

[Jiggz]

Originally posted by: RichardE
Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. You get Sara Palin and Ralph Reed.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get the world's largest ball of twine. We get Intel, Apple and Microsoft. You get WalMart. We get Harvard. You get Liberty University. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood, Broadway, Big Sur, The Great Lakes and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out, Blue States

HELL NO! YOU AIN'T LEAVING THE RED STATES, WE ARE KICKING YOU OUT!!! And where do you plan to get your source of energy? Solar and wind? Well, goodluck!

 

[Jiggz]

Originally posted by: SpunkyJones

Originally posted by: Darwin333
Those northern blue states are going to be really blue when those southern red states cut off their energy supply. I hear it gets awfully cold up there during the winter.

Bah I say, heat is for wussies.

Cars, trucks and airplanes too? I hope you have a many pairs of running shoes!

 

[Deeko]

Originally posted by: xenolith

Originally posted by: Deeko

Originally posted by: xenolith
So much for Obama's emotional calls for unity. :roll:

BTW, slavery was abolished in all US states with the ratification of the 13th Amendment of the US Constitution in 1865.

Poor kids can't take a clearly labeled joke.

Jokes try to be funny... not bitterly divisive.

And I live in a blue state and voted for Obama, so don't play the "you can't take a joke" card.

I called you a kid, not a red stater or a McCain voter. And I maintain that. It was a joke. It was funny. That's that.

 

[SpunkyJones]

Originally posted by: Jiggz

Originally posted by: SpunkyJones

Originally posted by: Darwin333
Those northern blue states are going to be really blue when those southern red states cut off their energy supply. I hear it gets awfully cold up there during the winter.

Bah I say, heat is for wussies.

Cars, trucks and airplanes too? I hope you have a many pairs of running shoes!

Hmm, being cold is one thing, but I'm too lazy to run everywhere. Might have to rethink this.

 

[uclaLabrat]

Originally posted by: winnar111
Someone tell the author here that the red states have most of the guns and all the military bases.

Have fun training marines without pendleton, leJeune, and parris island. It's cool, without pearl harbor, san diego, san francisco, norfolk, or Groton, you won't have much of a navy to worry about, either. Have fun!

 

[ebaycj]

Originally posted by: winnar111
Someone tell the author here that the red states have most of the guns and all the military bases.

I seem to remember a small base called NORAD. I believe it's in Colorado. You may have heard of it.

Also, there is at least one more.

 

[EagleKeeper]

Originally posted by: Jiggz

Originally posted by: RichardE
Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. You get Sara Palin and Ralph Reed.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get the world's largest ball of twine. We get Intel, Apple and Microsoft. You get WalMart. We get Harvard. You get Liberty University. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood, Broadway, Big Sur, The Great Lakes and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out, Blue States

HELL NO! YOU AIN'T LEAVING THE RED STATES, WE ARE KICKING YOU OUT!!! And where do you plan to get your source of energy? Solar and wind? Well, goodluck!

Tout California, but that state will be crippled without the energy (mentioned above) and the water.

Rework your logic with a seriously crippled CA.

 

[uclaLabrat]

Originally posted by: uclaLabrat

Originally posted by: winnar111
Someone tell the author here that the red states have most of the guns and all the military bases.

Have fun training marines without pendleton, leJeune, and parris island. It's cool, without pearl harbor, san diego, san francisco, norfolk, or Groton, you won't have much of a navy to worry about, either. Have fun!

EDIT: My bad, I forgot parris island was SC, not NC.

 

[nobodyknows]

Don't forget to take the federal deficit and the illegal aliens with you.

 

[thirtythree]

Originally posted by: BoomerD
But don't forget...if you move to Mormon Jesusland, you have to wear the fancy underwear...(kids sometimes don't turn out right when they've been strained through the garments)...AND, you have to cross your arms when you speak to Gawd...(why is that? Are they pissed at Gawd? Are they impatient for him to actually DO something?)

Why such a hater? Also, what does the bolded sentence mean? This may not be relevant because I have no idea what you're saying, but kids don't wear garments.

 

[Atreus21]

At least we get the best music, best food, and mardi gras.

 

[MovingTarget]

Best of luck to you, Blue states. Oh, BTW, the old Confederacy called. Something about "you broke it you bought it."

I wasn't really paying attention sitting on my apparently nonexistent Gulf Coast beach, enjoying a margarita.

 

[Darwin333]

Originally posted by: Atreus21
At least we get the best music, best food, and mardi gras.

They like to make fun of us but we all know that we have em by the balls. Hell, they all bitch when WE get hit by a hurricane. Could you imagine them city folk if we completely turned off the "spigot"? It would be mass chaos within days.

 

[Chaotic42]

We tried that already. The North stopped us. Live with your choices.

 

[Darwin333]

Originally posted by: Chaotic42
We tried that already. The North stopped us. Live with your choices.

At least in this thread, its not the South thats suggesting it.

 

[Svnla]

Humm, let see how/where are you going to get your gasoline, chemical, fertilizer, etc. just to name a few from Red States such as TX/LA.

 

[BoomerD]

Originally posted by: Svnla
Humm, let see how/where are you going to get your gasoline, chemical, fertilizer, etc. just to name a few from Red States such as TX/LA.

Canuckistan.

 

[Jiggz]

Originally posted by: BoomerD

Originally posted by: Svnla
Humm, let see how/where are you going to get your gasoline, chemical, fertilizer, etc. just to name a few from Red States such as TX/LA.

Canuckistan.

And also from their best friend Hugo! I'm not really sure if Ahmedinejad will contribute to the supply. I guess for the right price they can also get it from him, say $200/bbl?

But seriously, I sincerely believe a "revolution" of national magnitude is brewing in this country of ours. Too many have lost sight what this country stood and stands for. Too many actually believe this country exists solely for their own taking, and that no rule should impede in whatever they wish to do. And too many actually believe they are entitled to everything without ever working for it.

 

[kage69]

Have fun training marines without pendleton, leJeune, and parris island. It's cool, without pearl harbor, san diego, san francisco, norfolk, or Groton, you won't have much of a navy to worry about, either. Have fun!

Heh, don't forget the Bath Ironworks!


Seriously though, while the stats presented in the OP are legit (at least upon cursory inspection) and certainly make you wonder, the divisive streak it bears kinda ruins the whole thing.


Still, it made me laugh. 90% of pineapple and lettuce! Huzzah! :laugh:

 

[alphatarget1]

That is pretty stupid. It's not Red vs. Blue, it's rural vs. urban. We don't need this elitist BS from some members of the urban elite nor bigotry from some members of the rednecks. We're one country, and everyone is interdependent on each other.

Small town USA people are some of the nicest people I have ever made friends with, and I'm a minority.

 

[venkman]

The red states have the guns, but the blue states have Detroit, so they can build Tanks.

Blue States win.

 

[mageslayer]

Originally posted by: alphatarget1
That is pretty stupid. It's not Red vs. Blue, it's rural vs. urban. We don't need this elitist BS from some members of the urban elite nor bigotry from some members of the rednecks. We're one country, and everyone is interdependent on each other.

Small town USA people are some of the nicest people I have ever made friends with, and I'm a minority.

It's a joke.