Dealing with the religous in your family.

[eigen]

To those on the board that are atheist/agnostic and come from religous families.Does your family know of your beliefs or do you keep them private.On my fathers side they are all lapsed Catholics of intellectuals so I am pretty cool with talking to them about religon/politics etc.

But on my mothers side my (mom to some degree my not quite as much).They are fundamentalist christian. I mean the full on deal. Moral majority supporting Phyllis Schalfly reading gay hating bigots. There is no way they would ever accept my beliefs,no way. The only reason I have chosen not to become another of the black sheep in the family is that I would like to maintain contact with my little sister. But I usually only get to see her at holidays, but my relatives are there as well so the tension and the fact that they will witness to me kind of just makes me hide the fact I am mildly against christianity (see sig). I know they will do this because they have done this to my father on occasion, asking him to come outside after a nice Christmas meal and then the proceed to tell him he is going to hell. Like I said the only reason I dont just tell them is that I want to continue to be a positve influence on my sister.(At least what I feel to be postive).But even that drive is waning as my little sister sent me a card a few months ago written in her own handwriting that stated something to the effect of "...I still love you big brother even though you don't go to church.." . Man did that hurt. Of course these sorts comments and the emails they send me "Support a ban on gay marriage etc" make me just hate them more.

What to do.They already don't like me for other reasons (tatoos piercings). I will prolly just keep repressing it until I show up to Thanksgiving dressed like Anton Lavey. :laugh::evil:

 

[Tal]

Do they actually say to your dad that he's going to hell? or to you? I'm probably one of those fundamentalist Christians I suppose, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't say that to you or one of my relatives.... that you're going to hell I mean.

 

[TheBDB]

I think it would be fun for a while to be around people like that because it would be sooooo easy to mess with them, but I guess it would get old, especially if it is your family.

 

[Mo0o]

Tell the people in your mom's family that they are the reason you dont want to be Christian.

I know a few of these people, I know one guy walked up to this Muslim girl in my dorm and told her shes going to hell.

 

[ShotgunSteven]

My boss is an ultra-fundamentalist wacko to the point that even most Christians think he is fscked in the head. One of my co-workers is a lesbian agnostic. It makes for interesting times at work.

 

[Kadarin]

It's sad when (arbitrary) belief systems get in the way of common sense.

 

[Brutuskend]

We have worked it out quite well. I ignore them, they ignore me.

We're all happy with the arrangement!

 

[KarenMarie]

Originally posted by: Brutuskend
We have worked it out quite well. I ignore them, they ignore me.

We're all happy with the arrangement!

That is the best advice possible.

I don't dig ultra-religious ppl at all. But when I am around them, especially family members, I just keep my mouth shut, don't show disrespect, let them rant, ... then laugh my azz off all the way home.

 

[Bryophyte]

Not a problem with my side of the family, but my husband's family is bad. Not much of a problem before we had kids, because we could ignore the crap and just leave if it got bad, but I will not have my kids around the type of fundy bible-thumping bigotry that happens during get-togethers on my mother-in-law's extended family. We've gotten to the point where we just don't go to their christmas party or the family reunion at all anymore. We've also gotten my mother-in-law to lay off on trying to involve my kids in her religious activities, and have made it clear that any more pressure from my husband's brother to "save" my kids will result in no visits with the kids. He actually had the gall to tell me "just because YOU are going to hell, you shouldn't take your kids there with you."

 

[Chaotic42]

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
Not a problem with my side of the family, but my husband's family is bad. Not much of a problem before we had kids, because we could ignore the crap and just leave if it got bad, but I will not have my kids around the type of fundy bible-thumping bigotry that happens during get-togethers on my mother-in-law's extended family. We've gotten to the point where we just don't go to their christmas party or the family reunion at all anymore. We've also gotten my mother-in-law to lay off on trying to involve my kids in her religious activities, and have made it clear that any more pressure from my husband's brother to "save" my kids will result in no visits with the kids. He actually had the gall to tell me "just because YOU are going to hell, you shouldn't take your kids there with you."

Well, to play Devil's Advocate (a funny term here), look at it this way.

A "mainstream" Christian person *knows* that Heaven and Hell exist. Whether they do or not, to them it's as much of a fact as when you drop a ball, it falls. So they *know* that your kids will spend an eternity in infinite torture. It's only natural that they would feel strongly about it.

They're just doing it because they care, and they don't want any harm done to the kids.

 

[Turkish]

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
Not a problem with my side of the family, but my husband's family is bad. Not much of a problem before we had kids, because we could ignore the crap and just leave if it got bad, but I will not have my kids around the type of fundy bible-thumping bigotry that happens during get-togethers on my mother-in-law's extended family. We've gotten to the point where we just don't go to their christmas party or the family reunion at all anymore. We've also gotten my mother-in-law to lay off on trying to involve my kids in her religious activities, and have made it clear that any more pressure from my husband's brother to "save" my kids will result in no visits with the kids. He actually had the gall to tell me "just because YOU are going to hell, you shouldn't take your kids there with you."

wow that last sentence would have pissed me off so bad... :| goodluck with all that crap Bryophyte

 

[Turkish]

Originally posted by: ShotgunSteve
My boss is an ultra-fundamentalist wacko to the point that even most Christians think he is fscked in the head. One of my co-workers is a lesbian agnostic. It makes for interesting times at work.

:Q

Pics?

 

[CrackRabbit]

Originally posted by: Chaotic42

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
Not a problem with my side of the family, but my husband's family is bad. Not much of a problem before we had kids, because we could ignore the crap and just leave if it got bad, but I will not have my kids around the type of fundy bible-thumping bigotry that happens during get-togethers on my mother-in-law's extended family. We've gotten to the point where we just don't go to their christmas party or the family reunion at all anymore. We've also gotten my mother-in-law to lay off on trying to involve my kids in her religious activities, and have made it clear that any more pressure from my husband's brother to "save" my kids will result in no visits with the kids. He actually had the gall to tell me "just because YOU are going to hell, you shouldn't take your kids there with you."

Well, to play Devil's Advocate (a funny term here), look at it this way.

A "mainstream" Christian person *knows* that Heaven and Hell exist. Whether they do or not, to them it's as much of a fact as when you drop a ball, it falls. So they *know* that your kids will spend an eternity in infinite torture. It's only natural that they would feel strongly about it.

They're just doing it because they care, and they don't want any harm done to the kids.

It may be that the religious person is doing what they feel is right, but there comes a point where they need to fark off and mind thier own business.

 

[Turkish]

Originally posted by: CrackRabbit

Originally posted by: Chaotic42

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
Not a problem with my side of the family, but my husband's family is bad. Not much of a problem before we had kids, because we could ignore the crap and just leave if it got bad, but I will not have my kids around the type of fundy bible-thumping bigotry that happens during get-togethers on my mother-in-law's extended family. We've gotten to the point where we just don't go to their christmas party or the family reunion at all anymore. We've also gotten my mother-in-law to lay off on trying to involve my kids in her religious activities, and have made it clear that any more pressure from my husband's brother to "save" my kids will result in no visits with the kids. He actually had the gall to tell me "just because YOU are going to hell, you shouldn't take your kids there with you."

Well, to play Devil's Advocate (a funny term here), look at it this way.

A "mainstream" Christian person *knows* that Heaven and Hell exist. Whether they do or not, to them it's as much of a fact as when you drop a ball, it falls. So they *know* that your kids will spend an eternity in infinite torture. It's only natural that they would feel strongly about it.

They're just doing it because they care, and they don't want any harm done to the kids.

It may be that the religious person is doing what they feel is right, but there comes a point where they need to fark off and mind thier own business.

exactly.

 

[Chaotic42]

Originally posted by: CrackRabbit
It may be that the religious person is doing what they feel is right, but there comes a point where they need to fark off and mind thier own business.

I agree completely. Like I said, I was just playing Devil's Advocate.

Which is a cool movie by the way.

 

[Excelsior]

Originally posted by: XietyCOM

Originally posted by: ShotgunSteve
My boss is an ultra-fundamentalist wacko to the point that even most Christians think he is fscked in the head. One of my co-workers is a lesbian agnostic. It makes for interesting times at work.

:Q

Pics?

Dude..for every attractive lesbian there are probably 3 beasts.

 

[CrackRabbit]

Originally posted by: Chaotic42

Originally posted by: CrackRabbit
It may be that the religious person is doing what they feel is right, but there comes a point where they need to fark off and mind thier own business.

I agree completely. Like I said, I was just playing Devil's Advocate.

Which is a cool movie by the way.

[Keanu Reeves]
Whoah...
[/Keanu Reeves]

 

[Turkish]

Originally posted by: Excelsior

Originally posted by: XietyCOM

Originally posted by: ShotgunSteve
My boss is an ultra-fundamentalist wacko to the point that even most Christians think he is fscked in the head. One of my co-workers is a lesbian agnostic. It makes for interesting times at work.

:Q

Pics?

Dude..for every attractive lesbian there are probably 3 beasts.

i guess you're right ... no pics please

 

[Turkish]

Originally posted by: CrackRabbit

Originally posted by: Chaotic42

Originally posted by: CrackRabbit
It may be that the religious person is doing what they feel is right, but there comes a point where they need to fark off and mind thier own business.

I agree completely. Like I said, I was just playing Devil's Advocate.

Which is a cool movie by the way.

[Keanu Reeves]
Whoah...
[/Keanu Reeves]

There's no spoon.

 

[Bryophyte]

What's almost worse than the religious pressure is the ignorant racism and bigotry that my husband's uncles and a few cousins get into at the christmas dinner/party they have. I WILL NOT have my kids around the talk/jokes about Jews/N***ers/whatever. My mother-in-law, who is not at all like that just dismisses it as "well, they don't REALLY mean it, they're just joking around"... Well, bullsh!t. The worst one of the bunch is a pastor with his own church (whatever that one is where they speak in tongues, Church of God?) How's that for a moral leader for his congregation?

 

[Nightfall]

I am agnostic, and my immediate family are not very religious. That is a good thing because I can't deal with ultra religious people lecturing me. Thankfully, I haven't had many people lecture me on that. The best advice I can give you is to put on a fake face. Especially if you want to keep in contact with them for the long term.

As you know, religion and your beliefs are very important. The best stance you can take is a middle ground. Don't preach and don't defend their beliefs. Just go with the flow. If you take a risk by speaking your mind, then you may be blacklisted. Especially if your family is close minded.

 

[eigen]

Originally posted by: Brutuskend
We have worked it out quite well. I ignore them, they ignore me.

We're all happy with the arrangement!

The point is that they won't ignore me as they think I am going to hell. They will try to witness to me, show me scripture and tell me that they are praying for my soul. And this will be all be before the food is be served! I guess I will keep slowly "corrupting " my sister with science until she turns 18.poor kid they have already made her into a racist. Thats the breaks I guess.

 

[Bryophyte]

Try to only see her away from the extended family. Invite her to a restaurant with your sister so you don't have to put up with the others. DO NOT go to the group events.

 

[Biggerhammer]

Sorry to hear about the family- fanatics of any stripe are no fun.

I'm a Christian myself, and I pray for my family, but I can't see how my being obnoxious is going to get them interested in Christianity so I tend to be polite about it.

 

[Gurck]

My immediate family was casually Catholic and got more casual as I grew up, so it wasn't a big deal (I'm an atheist). I had to attend church regularly till around 7 or 8, then that dropped off but I was forced into sunday school till about 9 or 10, when I utterly refused to go any more.