Dane Cook

[Turfzilla]

"... Now if it were killer horses I'de understand thats scary sh!t, they'd be flying around kicking people in the face! F@@k bees..."

 

[new2AMD]

Dane is more of a story teller, he isnt easily quoatable.

Now Mitch Hedberg on the other hand...

 

[EGGO]

Originally posted by: new2AMD
Dane is more of a story teller, he isnt easily quoatable.

Now Mitch Hedberg on the other hand...

I want to put up a map of the world and put a tack on where I visited. But first I have to visit the top two corners of the earth so that I can put the map up.

 

[Turfzilla]

Yea, hes funny too. Too bad he died.. really.

 

[Skunkwourk]

You know what would be the worst?? This would be
the ultimate worst
right here. What if you dove into the
pool, and while you were
at the bottom of the pool
freaking out, somebody poured oil on the
surface and lit
it on fire! Yeah then you're like,
"AHHHHHH!"
You gotta just keep swimming around, feeling for a spotwhere
theres
no ****** fire. Then, What if you found a circle
where there was no fire,
but the second you came up a big
dude just punched you in the face
"Get back in the fiery
water!
You don't come out of the fiery water, cover
up that hole with some fire now!

 

[new2AMD]

Originally posted by: EGGO

Originally posted by: new2AMD
Dane is more of a story teller, he isnt easily quoatable.

Now Mitch Hedberg on the other hand...

I want to put up a map of the world and put a tack on where I visited. But first I have to visit the top two corners of the earth so that I can put the map up.

Heres a sign you will never see.."Escalator temporarliy out of order."
It could only read.."Escalator temporarily stairs......sorry for the convenience!"

 

[pontifex]

queue "dane cook isn't funny" threads

 

[Turfzilla]

Originally posted by: new2AMD

Originally posted by: EGGO

Originally posted by: new2AMD
Dane is more of a story teller, he isnt easily quoatable.

Now Mitch Hedberg on the other hand...

I want to put up a map of the world and put a tack on where I visited. But first I have to visit the top two corners of the earth so that I can put the map up.

Heres a sign you will never see.."Escalator temporarliy out of order."
It could only read.."Escalator temporarily stairs......sorry for the convenience!"

I would like to catch a fishstick, it would be so damn convenient..

 

[ViviTheMage]

Originally posted by: new2AMD
Dane is more of a story teller, he isnt easily quoatable.

Now Mitch Hedberg on the other hand...

headberg was the champ.

 

[new2AMD]

Originally posted by: Turfzilla

Originally posted by: new2AMD

Originally posted by: EGGO

Originally posted by: new2AMD
Dane is more of a story teller, he isnt easily quoatable.

Now Mitch Hedberg on the other hand...

I want to put up a map of the world and put a tack on where I visited. But first I have to visit the top two corners of the earth so that I can put the map up.

Heres a sign you will never see.."Escalator temporarliy out of order."
It could only read.."Escalator temporarily stairs......sorry for the convenience!"

I would like to catch a fishstick, it would be so damn convenient..

I bought some tartar control toothpaste...I still got tartar but that $hit is under control!

 

[Turfzilla]

OH YEAH!! OH no, how am I gonna explain to my dad that a giant bowl of punch destoryed our living room wall!

 

[amish]

Originally posted by: Eghck
You know what would be the worst?? This would be
the ultimate worst
right here. What if you dove into the
pool, and while you were
at the bottom of the pool
freaking out, somebody poured oil on the
surface and lit
it on fire! Yeah then you're like,
"AHHHHHH!"
You gotta just keep swimming around, feeling for a spotwhere
theres
no ****** fire. Then, What if you found a circle
where there was no fire,
but the second you came up a big
dude just punched you in the face
"Get back in the fiery
water!
You don't come out of the fiery water, cover
up that hole with some fire now!

did he really say that??? what a fvkcing tool.

 

[fustercluck]

Originally posted by: amish

Originally posted by: Eghck
You know what would be the worst?? This would be
the ultimate worst
right here. What if you dove into the
pool, and while you were
at the bottom of the pool
freaking out, somebody poured oil on the
surface and lit
it on fire! Yeah then you're like,
"AHHHHHH!"
You gotta just keep swimming around, feeling for a spotwhere
theres
no ****** fire. Then, What if you found a circle
where there was no fire,
but the second you came up a big
dude just punched you in the face
"Get back in the fiery
water!
You don't come out of the fiery water, cover
up that hole with some fire now!

did he really say that??? what a fvkcing tool.

He's a tool because he told a joke?

I guess people just love em or hate em. I see people violently hate Dane Cook everywhere

 

[chambersc]

Originally posted by: new2AMD

Originally posted by: Turfzilla

Originally posted by: new2AMD

Originally posted by: EGGO

Originally posted by: new2AMD
Dane is more of a story teller, he isnt easily quoatable.

Now Mitch Hedberg on the other hand...

I want to put up a map of the world and put a tack on where I visited. But first I have to visit the top two corners of the earth so that I can put the map up.

Heres a sign you will never see.."Escalator temporarliy out of order."
It could only read.."Escalator temporarily stairs......sorry for the convenience!"

I would like to catch a fishstick, it would be so damn convenient..

I bought some tartar control toothpaste...I still got tartar but that $hit is under control!

rice is the perfect food if you want 2000 of something.

 

[new2AMD]

Originally posted by: chambersc

Originally posted by: new2AMD

Originally posted by: Turfzilla

Originally posted by: new2AMD

Originally posted by: EGGO

Originally posted by: new2AMD
Dane is more of a story teller, he isnt easily quoatable.

Now Mitch Hedberg on the other hand...

I want to put up a map of the world and put a tack on where I visited. But first I have to visit the top two corners of the earth so that I can put the map up.

Heres a sign you will never see.."Escalator temporarliy out of order."
It could only read.."Escalator temporarily stairs......sorry for the convenience!"

I would like to catch a fishstick, it would be so damn convenient..

I bought some tartar control toothpaste...I still got tartar but that $hit is under control!

rice is the perfect food if you want 2000 of something.

I got so much tartar, I dont have to dip my fishsticks in $hit

 

[eits]

Originally posted by: amish

Originally posted by: Eghck
You know what would be the worst?? This would be
the ultimate worst
right here. What if you dove into the
pool, and while you were
at the bottom of the pool
freaking out, somebody poured oil on the
surface and lit
it on fire! Yeah then you're like,
"AHHHHHH!"
You gotta just keep swimming around, feeling for a spotwhere
theres
no ****** fire. Then, What if you found a circle
where there was no fire,
but the second you came up a big
dude just punched you in the face
"Get back in the fiery
water!
You don't come out of the fiery water, cover
up that hole with some fire now!

did he really say that??? what a fvkcing tool.

yeah, i hate funny imagery, too... what a fvcking ass hat.

 

[BAMAVOO]

.....the floor is sticky

I just came....

I am not writing out the entire Movie Theater joke.

 

[mordantmonkey]

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: amish

Originally posted by: Eghck
You know what would be the worst?? This would be
the ultimate worst
right here. What if you dove into the
pool, and while you were
at the bottom of the pool
freaking out, somebody poured oil on the
surface and lit
it on fire! Yeah then you're like,
"AHHHHHH!"
You gotta just keep swimming around, feeling for a spotwhere
theres
no ****** fire. Then, What if you found a circle
where there was no fire,
but the second you came up a big
dude just punched you in the face
"Get back in the fiery
water!
You don't come out of the fiery water, cover
up that hole with some fire now!

did he really say that??? what a fvkcing tool.

yeah, i hate funny imagery, too... what a fvcking ass hat.

that's funny imagery? guess there's no accounting for funny.

 

[amish]

Originally posted by: Adaman

Originally posted by: amish

Originally posted by: Eghck
You know what would be the worst?? This would be
the ultimate worst
right here. What if you dove into the
pool, and while you were
at the bottom of the pool
freaking out, somebody poured oil on the
surface and lit
it on fire! Yeah then you're like,
"AHHHHHH!"
You gotta just keep swimming around, feeling for a spotwhere
theres
no ****** fire. Then, What if you found a circle
where there was no fire,
but the second you came up a big
dude just punched you in the face
"Get back in the fiery
water!
You don't come out of the fiery water, cover
up that hole with some fire now!

did he really say that??? what a fvkcing tool.

He's a tool because he told a joke?

I guess people just love em or hate em. I see people violently hate Dane Cook everywhere

it isn't even a joke. its more of a crappy what-if statement that points out the obvious.

 

[lokiju]

Pablo Francisco owns

"get down, get down again!"

http://youtube.com/watch?v=iih--2uz-Pg

 

[eits]

Originally posted by: mordantmonkey

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: amish

Originally posted by: Eghck
You know what would be the worst?? This would be
the ultimate worst
right here. What if you dove into the
pool, and while you were
at the bottom of the pool
freaking out, somebody poured oil on the
surface and lit
it on fire! Yeah then you're like,
"AHHHHHH!"
You gotta just keep swimming around, feeling for a spotwhere
theres
no ****** fire. Then, What if you found a circle
where there was no fire,
but the second you came up a big
dude just punched you in the face
"Get back in the fiery
water!
You don't come out of the fiery water, cover
up that hole with some fire now!

did he really say that??? what a fvkcing tool.

yeah, i hate funny imagery, too... what a fvcking ass hat.

that's funny imagery? guess there's no accounting for funny.

yes, it is. random "what if" situations are pretty funny.

go back to reading dilbert and garfield comics.

 

[davestar]

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: mordantmonkey

Originally posted by: eits

Originally posted by: amish

Originally posted by: Eghck
You know what would be the worst?? This would be
the ultimate worst
right here. What if you dove into the
pool, and while you were
at the bottom of the pool
freaking out, somebody poured oil on the
surface and lit
it on fire! Yeah then you're like,
"AHHHHHH!"
You gotta just keep swimming around, feeling for a spotwhere
theres
no ****** fire. Then, What if you found a circle
where there was no fire,
but the second you came up a big
dude just punched you in the face
"Get back in the fiery
water!
You don't come out of the fiery water, cover
up that hole with some fire now!

did he really say that??? what a fvkcing tool.

yeah, i hate funny imagery, too... what a fvcking ass hat.

that's funny imagery? guess there's no accounting for funny.

yes, it is. random "what if" situations are pretty funny.

go back to reading dilbert and garfield comics.

christ, how is this (cook's "joke") regarded as funny? he just poorly describes a situation seen in plenty of generic action movies. there's nothing witty or original about it.

mitch on the other hand can take something like a cliched movie plot device, abstract it, and turn it into a great joke:

"I'd be a sh*tty auto mechanic. If someone brought their car in to me and said 'My car won't start!' I would say, 'Well, maybe there's a killer after you!'"