Damn, I feel like Aeneas -- duty versus family

[AndrewR]

My wife and I are trying to start a family, but we're having trouble. My wife has been diagnosed with a condition responsible for infertility but which is very common and treatable. There may also be some other problems, but the level of care she's receiving is not the best (way to go military medicine!!).

Now, I may have the opportunity to deploy for a short time when the prospects for supporting a real world operation are very good. The job requirement we received is essentially me to a "T" though my boss doesn't want to send me because my position is essential for the base's operation with no current backup (though he'll be trained this month).

So, I have the choice of staying here, which is what my wife wants and what my husbandly duties demand, and volunteering for the deployment, which would almost certainly cause me to go and which my military duties demand. By the way, there's little chance of my wife going the way of Dido should I deploy.

If she gets pregnant in the next month, then the choice is made -- I'll go. That's what I'm hoping because then she can go back to the States for awhile and stay with her folks near the much better military medical facilities of Bethesda and Walter Reed.

 

[Tsaico]

Man, good luck, I know my sister is in a similar bind, Officer in the Air Force. She wants a family but doesn't want to raise her kid on a base. Tough choice... Hope everything works out.

 

[AreaCode707]

I had to get my $.02 in on any thread that uses a Greek literary allusion in the title. *drops two pennies*

Meanwhile, hope everything works out.

 

[Kelvrick]

Hmm... What do YOU want to do? That is what i'd usually say, but then you're a husband and perhaps a father. I think it comes down to what is more important to you, but personally, I would personally pray that my wife got pregnant so I got the best of both worlds, but if not, then I would stay.

<== monkey dance

 

[HappyPuppy]

How the military has changed. When I served you were handed orders and you went. No questions, no complaints, no review board and no discharge just because you don't like what the military is doing to your life.

I will make a wild guess that you are in the Marines, since Okinawa is a major tour for most of them. The fastest way to make rank in the Marines, or the Army, is by taking hazardous duty assignments. I guess you will have to balance your professional goals with your personal goals.

Good luck.

 

[UltraQuiet]

Originally posted by: HappyPuppy
How the military has changed. When I served you were handed orders and you went. No questions, no complaints, no review board and no discharge just because you don't like what the military is doing to your life.

I will make a wild guess that you are in the Marines, since Okinawa is a major tour for most of them. The fastest way to make rank in the Marines, or the Army, is by taking hazardous duty assignments. I guess you will have to balance your professional goals with your personal goals.

Good luck.

He's an Air Force officer. In most cases what you described is exactly how it goes. I really don't understand how the situation he describes could even be considered a reason to miss a deployment. I guess I don't have a lot sympathy having missed the birth of one son, more Christmas's than not, etc., etc.

 

[AndrewR]

No, I'm not trying to wiggle out of an assignment as it's only been released to us as a tasking, meaning there's no specific body attached to it. My commander wants to send another guy (and he really wants to go) though , technically, I am slightly more qualified for this specific job given my current position. I do WANT to go as it's my job and what I'm in the military to do, but for my wife, I agreed not to volunteer. Since the military medicine system here is pathetic with regard to dependent care, my presence has gone a long way to prodding the doctors to take care of my wife.

When I served you were handed orders and you went.

Like I mention above, no orders given to me yet. If I receive them, I will go without hesitation -- I would never consider otherwise. Truly, I think it's a terrific opportunity, and I tried to volunteer for an assignment a few months ago but was shot down because of our unit's manning requirements (we weren't aware of how poor my wife's health was then either).

Unfortunately, this whole process for deployment is royally screwed up as we receive advance notice of probable deployments often with amorphous requirements, report dates, and locations -- I'm not sure if it does more harm than good. One woman didn't find out for sure she was going for a six month assignment until three days before she was to be on a plane (she expected to go and was ready, but still). Since they have a checklist three miles long that you need to accomplish before you deploy, the expectation there is silly.

I guess I don't have a lot sympathy

Never asked for any.