Custody Orders (If you have one PLEASE read this)

[FettsBabe]

Does anyone hear have a Joint Custody order where the parties have 50% visitation? Psycho and I have filed a motion for 50% visitation and I was wondering how the holidays and week switches work...can someone elaborate????

 

[conjur]

That's *exactly* my situation.

I have my girls one week and then my ex has them the next, etc. We switch at around noon on Sat.

As for holidays, just kinda play it by ear but I had the girls last Christmas morning so she'll get them this year about 10-11pm on Christmas Eve (my dad and sister come over on Christmas Eve every year) so they'll spend the morning w/their mom.

Easter, I let her have them but I try to get them more on Halloween (but we'll probably swap years). Fourth of July is just whoever has them that week. New Year's will be whoever did NOT have them Christmas Morning will have them for New Year's Eve. Birthdays we talked about having just one party but since I've sold the house and don't have the room anymore, those will probably be split so they'll each have 2 parties (like they hate that. )

 

[mcveigh]

well as a child of divorce. I can tell you that alot of it is up to both of you, as long as both parties agree anything goes really. I reccomend alternating weekends and holidays at least.

remember to be flexible. and please never fight or even say one bad word about the other in front of your kid(s)

 

[FettsBabe]

The only problem I see is with holidays. Right now, she has the child for the holidays in odd numbered years and we have the child in even numbered years, but it runs concurrent with the school calendar, so if Child A gets out for the Christmas holiday on 12/17 we will pick him up on 12/17 and keep him until Christmas Day at 2. She gets the child from Christmas Day at 2pm until he goes back to school. Then in even numbered years we have him Christmas Day at 2pm until school starts.

She has him this Thanksgiving (when school gets out until he goes back). We will have him next year.

She had him this Easter. We have him next year.

Etc, Etc, Etc.

 

[FettsBabe]

We already have the child 44% of the time. Right now, we are trying to get it 50% because the child wants that. We also want him to go to school where we live because its a better school.

Our attorney is in court today for calendaring. I hope she can reach a settlement. If not, we will set a court date.

 

[klod]

I have weekly shared custody of my kids. My ex and I switch on Fridays. Our daughter is in high school, our son is in middle school. So when they come home from school on Friday, they just go to whoever's house has them for that weekend / week. My ex and I only live three or four blocks apart, so the kids ride the same school bus regardless of where they are staying that week. I would recommend switching on Fridays, as it leaves the whole weekend open if you decide to travel, with or without your kids. And we switch every other holiday, except for Mother's Day and Father's Day. She had them for Memorial Day, I'll have them for 4th of July. But we swap weekends sometimes if there are circumstances (distant relatives come into town on the 'off' week, etc). We work together. It's better for everybody.

 

[FettsBabe]

Ikod, I like that idea of switching holidays. I need to check the calendar to see how it would work for us.

How do you work Christmas?

 

[conjur]

Originally posted by: klod
I have weekly shared custody of my kids. My ex and I switch on Fridays. Our daughter is in high school, our son is in middle school. So when they come home from school on Friday, they just go to whoever's house has them for that weekend / week. My ex and I only live three or four blocks apart, so the kids ride the same school bus regardless of where they are staying that week. I would recommend switching on Fridays, as it leaves the whole weekend open if you decide to travel, with or without your kids. And we switch every other holiday, except for Mother's Day and Father's Day. She had them for Memorial Day, I'll have them for 4th of July. But we swap weekends sometimes if there are circumstances (distant relatives come into town on the 'off' week, etc). We work together. It's better for everybody.

That's a thought...about having them for a whole weekend. My ex and I switch on Sat. so we each have one night every weekend where we could go out w/o by ourselves. We get along well enough that if a weekend trip came up, neither one of us would have a problem with the other getting the girls on Fri. evening as opposed to Sat. afternoon.

Do any of you notice that 'transition days' seem to be a bit rough with regards to your children's behaviour? Meaning...are they more whiny, clingy, moody? Had that for a while but it doesn't seem as bad now (it's been about a year since we split...3 mos. since it was final).

 

[klod]

If it's their mom's Christmas, we open presents Christmas eve morning at my house. For example, whether it's my week or not, they'll come over the night before Christmas eve day(Christmas eve eve?) so we can wake up Christmas eve morning and open presents and play all day. Then that evening (Christmas eve) they go over to their mom's for the night so they can wake up Christmas morning and open presents over there.

But we're flexible. If it's her Christmas and she wants to take the kids up to her folks's place a few days before Christmas, then the kids and I either open presents before they leave or after they come back. And vica verca if I'm taking them out of town. In fact we swapped last year for some reason, so I've had them for Christmas day the last two years.

But that's just us. The lady I am now seeing, she and her ex have everything spelled out, down to the time of day for pickups and dropoffs.

 

[FettsBabe]

The x we have is very hard to get along with. The only reason she is being tolerable now is because we filed a motion for a change of custody. We have everything spelled out in the original order and when it comes time to change days for extracurricular activities she always says "i have plans" or "i'm busy that day so I can't."

She seems busier than the President of the United States! I'm not kidding.

Anyway, we got her to agree to four extra days a month in counseling, which brings us to 44%. But now she refuses to go to counseling. She says "she's too busy."

How do you work summer vacations?

 

[DevilsAdvocate]

Ok --- it all depends on the state.

The Family Code in your state may contain a "standard possession order" ...at least that is what it is called in Texas. That should pretty much spell it out for you in plain English.

Just go to your state's website, and look for a link to laws and statutes.

Best of luck,

DA

 

[klod]

Summer vacation is negotiated. For example, if she wants them a week that would normally be mine, then before we get to that week I will keep them for two weeks (my normal week, and then what would be her week). And then she takes them on vacation on what would normally be my week, and then keeps them another week after that on what would normally be her week. That puts us back on schedule. But it's not like I wouldn't see them for two whole weeks. We live close enough that the kids ride their bikes over to her house during my week to see her for a while. And the bus stop is by my house so they stay at my house after school long enough that I can see them when I get home from work before they go to their mom's house. And for the week off during Spring Break we usually split that week, so she can take a four/five day vacation with them and so can I.

It's different with older kids. How old is Psycho's?

 

[mcveigh]

when she says "i'm too busy" to goto counseling that 99% of the time reflects poorly on her. so that's good for you.
How old are your kids?

while my parents are divorced, this is also the second marriage for my wife and she has joint custody, but her ex never comes around, we don't even know where he is and that's how I prefer it :|

 

[FettsBabe]

He's 11.

Yeah, it does reflect poorly on her. Thats one of the main reasons our case was strong enough to file a motion. We could fight and reverse the current order, but we would prefer to make the kid happy and let him see both parents 50%. All we ask is that he be allowed to attend Boy Scout functions. Right now, its a pain to get her to switch weekends so he can go.