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Cultural differences Asian & American: Asian Americans can help the most!

K

krwell

Senior member
Okay guys, I'm dating a girl who is of Chinese decent. Her parents were born in Asia and immigrated before she was born. She was born and raised in the US and considers herself an America. The problem is that her parents are very "Pro-Chinese". Well we have been dating for a few months and she has not told her parents because they are big on her finishing college before she dates. She graduates in June so she has been trying to gently work in that she likes this guy.. and she wants to date him to the parents. Now here is the problem. I'm white and not Chinese. Her sister has already flat out told her that if I was Chinese that it would be okay but since I'm White, I'm nobody and not worth meeting.

Now Anandtechers... any suggestions on how to make the situation better, and show the parents I'm a good guy worthy enough to date their daughter???


Many Thanks in Advance!
 
hehe, well i'm sure this isn't very satisfying, but i doubt you'll ever change their minds. the best thing to do would be to study really hard and be really smart, but even then i'd say your chances are slim. maybe if you hang around them long enough, they'll start to see you for who they are... but don't expect it to be painless 😛
 
honestly if you have become rather successful in your field, then they would probly not be angry at you for no reason. =)
 


<< I'm White, I'm nobody and not worth meeting. >>




That's kinda how I would feel if I were them.
 
"Hi, my name is krwell. I like your daughter, and I know you guys are a couple of racists so I'll keep this short. We're going to go out, see, and you're going to like it, okay? Okay, great."
 
"Hi, my name is krwell. I like your daughter, and I know you guys are a couple of racists so I'll keep this short. We're going to go out, see, and you're going to like it, okay? Okay, great."



I like that... so...
 
Yeah, I agree that's not much you can do to appease traditional Asian parents. If you bow to them when you meet them and tell them you are successful at what you do, that might soften the blow.
 


<< Okay guys, I'm dating a girl who is of Chinese decent. Her parents were born in Asia and immigrated before she was born. She was born and raised in the US and considers herself an America. The problem is that her parents are very "Pro-Chinese". Well we have been dating for a few months and she has not told her parents because they are big on her finishing college before she dates. She graduates in June so she has been trying to gently work in that she likes this guy.. and she wants to date him to the parents. Now here is the problem. I'm white and not Chinese. Her sister has already flat out told her that if I was Chinese that it would be okay but since I'm White, I'm nobody and not worth meeting.

Now Anandtechers... any suggestions on how to make the situation better, and show the parents I'm a good guy worthy enough to date their daughter???


Many Thanks in Advance! >>


When dating Asian girls, it's always easier to be White or "White" than it is to be Asian. 😉
 
You will never, ever change the views of elderly Asian parents where it comes to race. They may not hate you, but they will certainly pressure their daughter to find a nice, respectable man of Chinese origin who's already "established himself". The only thing they'll be happy about when they see you is at least you're not black! 😛

All kidding aside...just hope to keep your girl in the months that follow her telling them about you. The concept of good parenting has never quite made it over there IMO. Big on her finishing college before she dates?! What's more wonderful than a 24 year old woman who doesn't know how to handle herself in close to males her age?
rolleye.gif


If you're thinking of anything serious with her in the long term, make sure to drill it into her head that genuine love can't be built after a convenient coupling so that her parents don't have to be "ashamed" to introduce their daughter's husband to others in their community. She cannot afford to let her parents influence her wrongly in such an important aspect of her life.
 
If you ever got so far as marriage, consider that you and this girl could become the black sheep of the family. Aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc. could then use you as the basis of "look what happened to them!" stories to warn of misfortune, even if it has nothing to do with you. That, and the gossipy relatives would then tell everyone THEY knew ("... and did you hear about my niece? She married a white person" GASP!). And if you ever have a huge family gathering, be prepared to handle that pink elephant standing in the corner of the room that nobody wants to talk about.

(My cousin married a British national so I have a good idea of what could happen)
 
hehe, oh well. its all worth it if the girls nice. if i ever ended up with a white girl my parents would banish me =\
 


<< hehe, oh well. its all worth it if the girls nice. if i ever ended up with a white girl my parents would banish me =\ >>



haha yer mom would freak 😛
 
i'm an asian guy...just try to be culturally aware if u go into their home and not do anything potentially insulting. politeness and courtesy are pretty universal and if ur making the daughter happy, and if ur not a cut-up, then maybe the parents will like you eventually...
i don't thk race is a big deal if ur a genuinely good person
 


<<

<< hehe, oh well. its all worth it if the girls nice. if i ever ended up with a white girl my parents would banish me =\ >>



haha yer mom would freak 😛 >>



rgr that. my parents views on dating is : finish college =(
 


<< who cares what her parents say.. they can't control her. Just go out with her and be happy! >>


If she was raised right, that aint gonna happen. She's gotta please both her feelings AND her parents.

Best is just be very respectable, don't diss their cooking, each with chopsticks, and be successful.
 
rgr that. my parents views on dating is : finish college =(

eh well once you're in college... not much they can do 😛



i saw this one movie one time about a white guy and an asian girl... he went to their house for dinner. chinese people always self deprecate, so the mom brought out this duck and kept on saying it was too bland... the rest of the family reassures her of course. the white guy, not knowing the nuances of chinese culture, goes "oh, it's no problem" and proceeds to dump a bunch of soy sauce on it. silence ensued. hehe.
 


<<

<< who cares what her parents say.. they can't control her. Just go out with her and be happy! >>

 >>




yeah, see this is where eastern and western cultures clash. americans believe the individual should be happy and ignore everyone else whlie the eastern culture believes in pleasing the parents/elders and igoring yerself.
 
I'm kind of in the same situation except its the other way around.. I'm the Asian and I know how you feel.. it will be extremely difficult to change their minds.. that's how ignorant Asian parents are.. but just try to get on their good side... you never know.
 


<< i saw this one movie one time about a white guy and an asian girl... he went to their house for dinner. chinese people always self deprecate, so the mom brought out this duck and kept on saying it was too bland... the rest of the family reassures her of course. the white guy, not knowing the nuances of chinese culture, goes "oh, it's no problem" and proceeds to dump a bunch of soy sauce on it. silence ensued. hehe. >>


I'm 70% sure that's a scene from "The Joy Luck Club." Maybe someone else can back me up with the extra 30%.
 


<< rgr that. my parents views on dating is : finish college =(

eh well once you're in college... not much they can do 😛



i saw this one movie one time about a white guy and an asian girl... he went to their house for dinner. chinese people always self deprecate, so the mom brought out this duck and kept on saying it was too bland... the rest of the family reassures her of course. the white guy, not knowing the nuances of chinese culture, goes "oh, it's no problem" and proceeds to dump a bunch of soy sauce on it. silence ensued. hehe. >>



lol, i always comment on my moms cooking. then shes like: cook it yourself =p
 


<<

<< i saw this one movie one time about a white guy and an asian girl... he went to their house for dinner. chinese people always self deprecate, so the mom brought out this duck and kept on saying it was too bland... the rest of the family reassures her of course. the white guy, not knowing the nuances of chinese culture, goes "oh, it's no problem" and proceeds to dump a bunch of soy sauce on it. silence ensued. hehe. >>


I'm 70% sure that's a scene from "The Joy Luck Club." Maybe someone else can back me up with the extra 30%. >>




yea i think it was too. that was a weird ass movie. damn asian chick flicks.
 
yeah, the first time i watched that i movie i picked up halfway so everytime there was a "flashback/story/history" i was like WTFWTFWTF
 
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