Critisized for not having Christmas cheer

[Angry Irishman]

I haven't had a Christmas tree in four years or even felt good about this time of year and people give me shit for it. I can't seem to revive any cheer for this time of year. I divorced four years ago after 25 years of marriage and ever since, Christmas has lost its meaning to me. No one's fault except mine I suppose. I live and work on Guam several thousand miles away from anyone that I really know well and I'm basically the last of the Mohicans for my family.

I wish people would realize and respect how many folks are alone during the holidays and how difficult a time a year it can be. It's become just another day to me but at least it's usually not a work day. I usually do buy a few gifts for kids and donate to the Marines Toys for Tots program but that's been the extent of my celebrations for many years now. I suppose I haven't given it up completely. I'm hoping this next week flies by.

 

[IronWing]

I found you a boy-toy to help get you through the week.

 

[Soundmanred]

I found you a boy-toy to help get you through the week.

This guy has a reason to dislike the holidays.
The other guy just bitches about everything.

 

[Humpy]

Guam seems nice.

Merry Christmas!

 

[BD231]

I don't see why it would matter to you, people who'd rather make you feel bad than give you something to be cheerful about are obviously fucked in the head.

 

[Angry Irishman]

I found you a boy-toy to help get you through the week.

yea, no......

 

[Angry Irishman]

I don't see why it would matter to you, people who'd rather make you feel bad than give you something to be cheerful about are obviously fucked in the head.

Good point....

 

[sixone]

When someone criticizes you for not having Christmas cheer, just point out that they're not making it any easier for you.

And that you're an Angry Irishman, so they should lower their expectations.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

Merry Christmas! Try stepping outside the well worn path of feeling down and lonely. Try doing something out of character to make someone else happy. Give of your time and self.

 

[BikeJunkie]

I feel for you. I have a general distaste for the holidays because I'm in a similar situation. Most of my family has passed away, so for "my side," it's quite literally just me (though I'm married with kids).

I don't have the cloud of a divorce hanging over my head, but I miss my family dearly and this time of year (Thanksgiving through Christmas) just sucks. I put on a good show for the kids and make sure it's what it needs to be for them, but I usually can't wait for it to be over. With each passing year, I heal just a little bit more and it gets a little bit better.

But in the early years I got the same flak as you, especially from my in-laws. I had just lost my parents (mother at TG, father at Christmas), but do you think that factored into how people treated me? Nope. Generally speaking, people don't want anyone else raining on their parade and they completely lack the desire to see/feel things from others' perspectives. They just want you/me to be all smiles because anything less makes them face the fact that Christmas isn't always about candy canes, reindeer, and unbridled cheer. We're obstacles to them, and their lack of understanding/patience actually prolongs the process because it's easy for their intolerance to jade us, which is a recipe for an endless cycle of misery.

Fight the jadedness. Do something productive over the holidays (pick up a new hobby - I just bought a new mountain bike and am taking up rock climbing at an indoor gym). Avoid the malls (omg I hate the malls this time of year, but probably easier for you in Guam hehe). Put together a plan for moving past your divorce so that it's not hanging over your head for the rest of your life.

 

[Wyndru]

and people give me shit for it.

Really? That's just sad if people really have an issue with you not having a Christmas tree. Of all the things to get worked up about, that seems like it would be pretty low on the list for 99% of people.

 

[BoberFett]

I enjoy the family time around the holidays, but I could do without the consumerism. Even all the decorations annoy me. I think that's why Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, you just get together and eat.

 

[moonbogg]

Christmas was all about consumerism for me when I was young. Now that I have to buy the presents I no longer like Christmas. Screw Christmas. Too much chaos and obligation to go here, do this, do that, wear a fake smile all day and night blah blah. If anyone gives you shit about not being happy, give them a nice big "fuck off" and go take a nap.
If Christmas was simple, I'd enjoy it. Problem is, its not simple. Its madness.

 

[BikeJunkie]

I enjoy the family time around the holidays, but I could do without the consumerism. Even all the decorations annoy me. I think that's why Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, you just get together and eat.

I can't stand the consumerism of Christmas. You have to make a huge list of all the people you need to buy gifts for, and if you forget one or don't spend enough, they get all pissed off. IMO, gift-giving at Christmas should be for kids and maybe your significant other. Instead, I have to buy a gift for the eleventy billion sibling-in-laws I have so I can cross them off my damn list. And their kids. And their fucking dogs.

:scrooge:

Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday, but now I have to spend not one but TWO Thanksgiving dinners with my wife's family (they're divorced and remarried), so instead of relaxing and just enjoying true family time, I have to be "on" and put on a good show.

 

[OCGuy]

Here is what I see:


Why would anyone know you do not have a Christmas tree? Do you have high traffic into your home, or do you volunteer the information to people? The fact that this thread exists is a strong indicator for one of those choices.

There is a difference between "No Xmas Cheer" (indifference), and putting out negative mannerisms and cues when the holidays are brought up at work or a social function. If it was just another day, it would come and go just as any other half-assed holiday.

People who outwardly express contempt for Xmas, intentional or not, are most likely over-compensating for a deep sense of sadness or loss. Positive/Happy Xmas experiences from childhood or as a parent are recalled vividly in one's memory. I can remember the new bike I received when I was 11, but I have no damn clue what I did for July 4th that year.

The best thing to do is to try to make new memories instead of being constantly reminded of the past. Trying to bring others down is a natural human behavior, but it is an extremely selfish one.

Donating to charity like you do is a great start!

 

[BikeJunkie]

There is a difference between "No Xmas Cheer" (indifference), and putting out negative mannerisms and cues when the holidays are brought up at work or a social function.

Sure there's a difference, but the negative mannerisms are usually not the result of it simply being Christmas. They're the result of people giving you incessant shit for "No Xmas Cheer."

It's not a "one or the other," but rather a process.

People who outwardly express contempt for Xmas, intentional or not, are most likely over-compensating for a deep sense of sadness or loss.

I don't think that word means what you think it means.

 

[Angry Irishman]

Here is what I see:


Why would anyone know you do not have a Christmas tree? Do you have high traffic into your home, or do you volunteer the information to people? The fact that this thread exists is a strong indicator for one of those choices.

There is a difference between "No Xmas Cheer" (indifference), and putting out negative mannerisms and cues when the holidays are brought up at work or a social function. If it was just another day, it would come and go just as any other half-assed holiday.

People who outwardly express contempt for Xmas, intentional or not, are most likely over-compensating for a deep sense of sadness or loss. Positive/Happy Xmas experiences from childhood or as a parent are recalled vividly in one's memory. I can remember the new bike I received when I was 11, but I have no damn clue what I did for July 4th that year.

The best thing to do is to try to make new memories instead of being constantly reminded of the past. Trying to bring others down is a natural human behavior, but it is an extremely selfish one.

Donating to charity like you do is a great start!

I was asked about a tree when the subject came up at work. One of the girls at work had a little Charlie Brown Christmas tree on her desk and I made mention of it. That's when the conversation started and the fact that I have no tree was revealed....the criticism started then.

I suppose you're correct about how this one day brings up memories that can't be lived now. I do have a sense of loss and sadness as a result. I'm leaving Guam soon for another position; maybe a jaunt back in the states is what I need to start something new with a new outlook about days like Christmas. There are a couple malls on Guam but I avoid them like plaque anyway; Christmas season or not. It's difficult to see families and friends enjoying what they should and at least at work or for those I know I don't want to be the scrooge who ruins Christmas. The Christmas party this year was really tough. I usually just keep my thoughts to myself with the exception of this year which was not intentional.

 

[OCGuy]

Sure there's a difference, but the negative mannerisms are usually not the result of it simply being Christmas. They're the result of people giving you incessant shit for "No Xmas Cheer."

Huh? If you are walking around not being jolly, people give you crap? What terrible place do you live, because I do not want to ever visit.

I don't think that word means what you think it means.

Gotcha.

 

[BurnItDwn]

One Idea, purchase some Christmas beer.

Then, when somebody gives you hard time, tell them that you more than make up for the lack of cheer by having the beer.

 

[BikeJunkie]

Huh? If you are walking around not being jolly, people give you crap? What terrible place do you live, because I do not want to ever visit.

Ohio. And no, you do NOT want to visit.

That said, many people take "not being jolly" for the mannerisms you described earlier.

 

[shortylickens]

Merry Christmas! Try stepping outside the well worn path of feeling down and lonely. Try doing something out of character to make someone else happy. Give of your time and self.

I dunno. Just spent 4 hours giving my Hoovers girls Christmas organs and I don't feel any better.

 

[Mixolydian]

I too am just not "feeling" it this year. I can't seem to put my finger on it. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that it seems Christmas season is 2 months long nowadays...

This guy has a reason to dislike the holidays.
The other guy just bitches about everything.

And you bitch about me bitching. That's even worse.

 

[Angry Irishman]

One Idea, purchase some Christmas beer.

Then, when somebody gives you hard time, tell them that you more than make up for the lack of cheer by having the beer.

Best advice yet.....

I do, in fact, have some Christmas beer that someone at work home brewed and it's chilling right now ready for consumption. For backup I still have some pumpkin ale to follow that down. For now though, I'm off to Denny's for a french toast slam.

 

[HeXen]

So what's the problem here other than you care what others think? Maybe you should cut the cord to the others that have disagreement to anything that you do or errr, don't do.
I have a line I draw with people, family included and even my mom knows that crossing that line does more harm than good cause I'll cut the cord right then and there.

 

[WelshBloke]

I dunno. Just spent 4 hours giving my Hoovers girls Christmas organs and I don't feel any better.

I have no idea what this means but it certainly sounds fun, even if you do get arrested for it.