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Critique my movie

Here's what I got:

1. I would do some color correction, especially during the dialogue on the stoop. The cuts seem heavy (lose continuity) at that point because of the stark changes in levels and contrast. Also the last shot in the tub need some more contrast. (This stuff may be because of web delivery/compression though).

2. As far a dialogue goes, the part where they're on the bridge and the one dude says "Charlie" a bunch of times is a bit awkward - I didn't really get that part. As I watch again, I think maybe there are just too many edits at that point.

3. I like how you mixed in the wide shots of them traveling to give it some scope - next time I would slip in a wide while the characters are talking, just to once again make them seem a bit smaller on this great journey to candy mountain. It might even be fun to throw in some additional shots of them traveling through bizarre locations to add humor (i.e. they're on the street, then suddenly on a carousel or something - and Charlie getting more pissed as he doesn't get the point).

4. I would reverse the editing on the close/wide shot of candy mountain. I would show it wide first - play some music that's like "angels in heaven" stuff, edit in light blazing on the mountain. Then show the candy in more detail. I also think if you layer the footage and give the lower layer some blur you could create a nice "Barbara Walters" effect to make it more whimsical. Kind of like introducing it in all of it's glory first, then showing the intricate details.

5. It feels like something is missing between the shot of Charlie jumping into the candy cave and the tub. I'm left wondering if the friend set it up (which seems the more obvious choice) or if the leoplurodon is responsible (which I think would be even funnier) or possibly the leoplurodon paying the friend half of the black market value of Charlie's kidney. I think you could maybe add some tension by showing if Charlie gets stuck/passes out or whatever when he climbs in.

I know all of the above is a list of stuff I'd change, on the other side - I really liked the shots and framing as a whole. I LOVE the part in the beginning when Charlie first stands up and the other dude grabs him - does he say "yum"? The pacing of the editing is good, I think you can tighten it a bit further using music/sound when you get it in there. I liked it, it was random, but in a good way - great job!!! I want to see it when it's all finished!!
 
The reason I showed the close up of candy mountain first was because it's supposed to be this great big thing, and when you pull out, it's a pile of crap you know that the friend setup. Concerning Charlie between the cave and the tub, I have to add sound effects of him getting beat up.
 
Originally posted by: Quasmo
The reason I showed the close up of candy mountain first was because it's supposed to be this great big thing, and when you pull out, it's a pile of crap you know that the friend setup. Concerning Charlie between the cave and the tub, I have to add sound effects of him getting beat up.

Ahhh....gotcha! I thought maye you meant to do that with the candy mountain part, but wasn't sure - you can definitely bring that out with sound. I was thinking it was underwheliming - but also considered how much money time it would take to build an actual mountain of candy. In that case, it actually clears up a lot of stuff. Sorry I'm slow 🙁

It was fun, keep up the great work!
 
Originally posted by: Compudork
Originally posted by: Quasmo
The reason I showed the close up of candy mountain first was because it's supposed to be this great big thing, and when you pull out, it's a pile of crap you know that the friend setup. Concerning Charlie between the cave and the tub, I have to add sound effects of him getting beat up.

Ahhh....gotcha! I thought maye you meant to do that with the candy mountain part, but wasn't sure - you can definitely bring that out with sound. I was thinking it was underwheliming - but also considered how much money time it would take to build an actual mountain of candy. In that case, it actually clears up a lot of stuff. Sorry I'm slow 🙁

It was fun, keep up the great work!

In reality it costs $80, it was 5 feet tall and magnificent, but during transport it collapsed, So we wrote around it.
 
1) Invest in a tripod.

2) Always make your focus points before starting shooting.

3) Light continuity. See minutes 2:58 and the very last scene.

4) Sound continuity. If you can, use an external microphone. Maybe you did it and still have to edit it.

5) You could use some color correction. But maybe you are not at this stage of the post production yet (considering you still have to edit the audio).
 
Haha!! I liked it 😀

1. Can't read the credits at the beginning (not comfortably at least)
2. The wind gets in the way of the dialogue on the bridge
3. Right before the "charlie...charlie...charlie" part, I can't hear what Charlie says without raising the volume
 
i don't really get it 😕

try using fewer edits and keep things consistently within the same take. as mentioned earlier, use a tripod, change the fonts at the beginning, and of course the lighting, but a huge part of that is just using a better DV camera so that it looks a bit less like a home video.
 
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