Crazy sh!t happening with my sister... *Update*

[FettsBabe]

There are a couple of options that you can pursue...

1. Sign her into a drug rehab (whether she wants help or not, she will have to stay until they release her or a parent signs her out)

2. Talk to the local DA/police dept. The next time she comes home stoned call them and have them come arrest her. She will go to court and be put on probation with mandatory drug testing, and mandatory school attendance until she graduates. She gets a new record when she's 16, so it shouldn't affect her criminal history. If she were to get in trouble after 16, she could have an expungement once she "straightens up." This would clear her record completely.

3. Review local rape laws.

 

[WilsonCat]

This is really sad.

You know, I finally got my copy of Requiem for a Dream the other day and watched it.

Try to get her to watch this film...It should scare the pants off her. Ask her if she wants to be like the girl in the film.

If anything, she might get the message and ponder.

 

[eakers]

just to clear up some stuff:

okay as far as rape goes, the age in canada is 16, i know as my friends growing up had older boyfriends but the catch is that the parents have to pursue charges the police wont do it.

as far as killing someone thats a big no-no in canada, you are only allowed "resonable force" and if you kill someone while defending yourself you can still be charged with manslaughter if the courts see that you went beyond the line of resonable force.

i feel really sad for your sister as ive seen this lots of times before, and quite frankly there is nothing your parents can do until she decides that she needs help, getting to that point with her, like makeing her relize that she needs it will be tough, i hope things get better just be there for her and let her know that you will be there for her.

*kat. <--

 

[SuperCyrix]

you must yank her on the Springer show...or whatever show it is where they send her to bootcamp. hehe..sounds good eh?

 

[crazyjoekuta]

i'd have to say that it's not the drugs that fvck our teenagers up, it's the way they look at things... and don't care, don't want to find themselves, etc.

 

[Tauren]

<<Sign her into a drug rehab (whether she wants help or not, she will have to stay until they release her or a parent signs her>>

Sounds like a good idea, but I used to work with kids trying to quit drugs, and as I said to many a parent, if they don't want to quit, you can't make them.

 

[goshdarnindie]

I'm sorry to hear about that. But your family is right for going on, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

 

She can only learn on experience, no matter how hard your parents or the schooling system drove the ideas into her head.
Actually, I think that the more you warn and tell someone NOT to do it, the more they naturally desire it as a human to partake in that taboo act or item.



<< 2. Talk to the local DA/police dept. The next time she comes home stoned call them and have them come arrest her. She will go to court and be put on probation with mandatory drug testing, and mandatory school attendance until she graduates. She gets a new record when she's 16, so it shouldn't affect her criminal history. If she were to get in trouble after 16, she could have an expungement once she &quot;straightens up.&quot; This would clear her record completely. >>



Or that could just make her more paranoid or another mindless cog in the rusting system we call the courts.

 

[Noriaki]

I believe 14 is only consenting age in Canada if your partner is also a Minor.

If you are 18 and go at with a 14 year old the 14 year old's parents can still get you tossed in for Stat.

...more to come...

 

[FettsBabe]

Sammy,

Not really. She will deal with her parents after the court hearing. She will be released into their custody, and she will go for mandatory drug tests, and will be required to stay in school. The thought of going to jail is pretty convincing even for a 15 year old.

 

[technogeeky]

<< just to clear up some stuff:
as far as killing someone thats a big no-no in canada, you are only allowed &quot;resonable force&quot; and if you kill someone while defending yourself you can still be charged with manslaughter if the courts see that you went beyond the line of resonable force.
>>




(Not like this was a fesiable option in the first place, but there is no way anyone could touch this guy.)

Since it's on this messageboard, that's premeditation. If the guy dies, whoever killed him will receive the most harsh penalty possible (in US, Murder One).

edit to fix grammar

 

[technogeeky]

All of the ideas offered sounded helpful to me (except a few).

Just remember - no matter what happens, this isn't YOUR fault. YOU didn't get her into drugs, nor did you parents (unless smoking counts in your mind). Try to help as much as you can in any way - it's tough to loose family, especially brothers and sisters. To loose by any means - jail, death, runaway.

Other than that, I won't pretend to be able to offer help - I'm just a kid, too. I know what it's like to want to run away (although i honestly don't know why people do drugs). I know what it's like to be overwhelmed and lost. That is all I can offer.

Good luck to you and all of your family.

 

[ramsesd]

Dude, sorry to hear that your family is so totally F-ed. I understand these things are hard as my family is totally F-ed as well. You just gotta remember that life goes on and like some home-boy earlier said none of this was your fault. Stay focused on your life and staying healthy yourself. And damn it! Make sure that your e-mail is &quot;accepted by the Anandtech forums!&quot; stupid portal...

 

[JohnnyKnoxville]

Thank you for your story.
Now if you excuse me i have to take a cold shower

 

[sandorski]

I think everyone is getting too stuck on the fact she is doing drugs. It is most likely that the drugs are not the cause of the problem, she is most likely having problems with the fact that her parents are divorced! Thus she acts out and probably has lost all self respect, hence the drug use and rebellion.

Your family needs counselling, unfortunetly it's probably too late to come to an immediate solution for your sister. It will probably take her years to get over her current situation.

Amazon: Not to be heavy on you, but please learn something from this. Parenthood is a vital part of a childs life. If you choose to have children in the future, be sure to stick it out with the woman that will be their mother. Even if it means staying together for the childrens sake! Unpopular I know, but children don't understand why their parents divorce. I have a 6 year old nephew who has been struggling with his parent's split up and divorce for 2 years now. After much counseling and special ed in school, he is slowly coming around, but I worry for his future.

 

[AmazonRasta]

Sandorski - my family does not need councilling. My sister is not acting this way because of my parents divorce. She simply fell in with the wrong crowd and gave into peer pressure.

Anyways, my sister is back living with us now. Supposedly, she's going to start seeing a drug councillor (although this was supposed to happen on Monday, and it hasn't happened yet). She's supposed to be making up for her time missed at school through summer school (although that started yesterday, and she didn't go yesterday or today).

Oh, and the boy she was found in bed with told her yesterday that he was cheating on her the whole time. Sh!t like this always happens, and this is one of the reasons why I continually told my sister she was too young to know what love is when she started dating him at like thirteen years old.

Oh well. She seems to be getting along a bit better now. But I only think this will happen for a little while. When she is unable to get her way with my father, she will leave and go back to live with our mother. She moves in and out whenever it's convenient for her.

-------------------

Another update - I just asked her and apparently she has decided not to go to summer school. Oh well, she hasn't even passed her grade 9 courses yet, so if she wants to be in high school for seven years, that's up to her. She's not going simply because she's too lazy, that and the fact she'd rather spend time with her &quot;friends&quot; smoking dope then doing what's most important.

After everything that happened, I was starting to feel sorry and sympathetic. I planned on helping her out through rehab and with here studies at summer school. But if she's not willing to go through the steps to get back on the right track, then I'm not going to try to help her. I'm fed up.

 

[AaronP]

try to help her out, but DO NOT GIVE HER A PENNY OF FINANCIAL HELP.

 

[pulse8]

My sister used to be the same exact way. She was like that as long as I can remember. Wouldn't listen to anyone, tried several times to stop. She's 35 now. About a year ago she had a massive over dose with some people she was hanging out with. She ended up in the hospital and was in intensive care for about month. She's gotten better, went to rehab and lived in a half-way house for a while. She's on her own now, working, going to AA meetings and happier than ever. She's getting counseling for her problems and I couldn't be prouder of her. For the longest time I didn't like to spend time with my sister. She was always drinking which made her real bitchy. My parents tried to stop her. Even after her biological father died of liver disease from drinking, she still drank. It took her almost dying to realize what she was doing to us and to herself. I'm not sure why I tell you all of this. I guess to let you know that you're not alone. A lot of people go through this and it can get better. I wish you and your family my best wishes.

 

[AmazonRasta]

Maybe that's what my sister needs - a near-death experience to prove to herself that she is fvcked up. Then maybe she'll listen to what everybody has been telling her and get the help she needs.

 

[FettsBabe]

You sound like a great brother. Your parents (mom and dad) need to tell her that if she isn't going to school then she must have a fulltime job, and pay rent. She shouldn't be allowed to turn into a &quot;freeloader.&quot; I can't stand people who take advantage of other people!

 

[Azraele]

Amazon, sorry about your sister.

Have your parents thought of sending her to a disciplinary place like military school? or maybe counseling?

She sounds really out of control.

 

[pulse8]

Your sister is still young, which is good. A BIG problem with people who act this way is that you can't force help on them. They will only get help and be helped if they want to. I think it's a BIG reason you see a lot of these stars going to rehab 4 and 5 times. They get off easy because their famous and just go to rehab to get the courts off of their back. I feel that they don't really want to be helped. If someone really wanted to change, they can do it. They just have to really want to.

 

[aimn]

AmazonRasta I have worked with kids (12-21 yrs old) for about 6 years now. Sorry to say that most drug use is a symptom of there past. Most people had some kind of abuse, neglect or something happened to them. Drugs and alcohol are a way to try and hide from the problem rather than deal with it. I always try and get kids to go back to where the problem started, long before the drug use, and talk about what happened, or didnt happen to them. I was 35 before I trusted anyone enough to tell them what happened to me. Once you deal with the problem, it is easier to quit trying to mask the pain. I wish you luck and hope your sister &quot;gets it&quot; before its to late.

 

[AmazonRasta]

I don't think that drug use with teens is always related to their past.

I think that kids do drugs to rebel, to just do something that nobody expected them to, or because they give into peer pressure. There are others, but these are just some examples. When they finally seek the help they need, they look to blame the cause of them starting to use drugs on something else because they don't want to face the reality that it is their fault. That is something along the lines of not wanting to admit they have a problem.

Maybe the kids you have dealt with truely did have bad past experiences and that is why they turned to drugs. This was not my sister's case. She is simply somebody who wants to impress her &quot;friends&quot;. She likes to get her own way, and when she doesn't, she starts to do stupid things. And she continues to do so until our parents give in.

 

[aimn]

I am amazed at your age that you are so knowledgeable in the field of addiction. You may be right, your sister might be one in a million. I wish you luck.