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Could use some opinions: your g/f and her "best friend"

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He's a guy and guys always want something more. You know that because you are a guy. There are a few rare heterosexual guys who hang out with a girl that is already attached just to prove to themselves that a male-female close platonic relationship is something they have the willpower to endure. This guy isn't one of those types.

Your GF seems to be pretty genuine in her motivations, but even people with the best motivations can fvck you royally. Just one fight, or one misunderstanding will have her in his arms and he being the sneaky little bas7ard that he is will take full advantage of that. He's been wanting her since middle school - why else would a guy hang out constantly with a girl for so long? He's just hoping that some day she'll realize that the best thing since sliced bread has been right in front of her eyes all these years.

On her side she needs this guy for the constant male attention all girls need. There's nothing wrong with allowing your GF a little platonic male support system when you are in a long distance relationship - but you must meet the guy. Meeting the guy can do many things, it can reaffirm to the guy that she is off limits, it can make him respect you if you guys hit it off right and at least add an extra barrier between him and your GF in taking advantage of her when she's weak. Guys will at least think twice before screwing over a perceived friend. In this case I doubt this guy actually holds to any standards since he is obviously a slimey bas7ard waiting for his chance - but you have to admire his patience. The one thing that is keeping your GF from being interested in him is that girls very rarely like a spineless loser who basically kiss up to girls (in this case for years) in hopes of receiving a freebie sexual favor some time (or a relationship - the basic motivation is the same). If he ever grew a fvcking backbone and actually told her he liked her, then you might have to watch out, in any case if she dumps you for this loser it will be her loss.

Now they both want to live together, he because it gives him more chances of getting that sympathy fvck, and her because she loves the constant attention. Seriously, you need to ask yourself if she is worth getting involved in this stupid triangle for, I mean she seems adamant about living with this guy. If she cannot live without the constant attention of this guy to the extent that she needs to shack up with the guy, then maybe she should just live with him and marry him - right? Do not tell her what to do in any case since telling her not to live with this guy will most likely bring her closer to him out of resentment. Let her choose but her choice in this matter will tell you where her priorities are. I don't need to tell you what to do after you find out.


Remember, there are plently fish in the sea and most of them are very tasty. Some offering you exotic flavors you've never imagined possible. Some are easy to filet and others are a real bitch to filet.
 
Originally posted by: Lola
my fiance always told me that guys couldn't JUST be friends with girls, they want something more.... what that means here, well, your guess is as good as mine. thats a tough situation. just don't accuse her. she will get upset.
be honest with her and how you feel.
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drummmm rolllllll

Bah dump-PISHHHHHH

Wrong again, dear. When I was in college (6 years ago) I had one steady girl friend, who I broke up with once and then got back together with.

During that time I had a friend, who was a girl, who was my best friend my last 2 years of high school, and all through college. Needless to say, she was there before my girlfriend (3 years in college).
She liked me, but I never ever ever ever ever liked her. Matter of fact, she liked me enough to try making my girlfriend jealous by dancing closely with me at a party once. Now my Gf back then should have been insanely jealous of my wife...who scooped me up like that.

Now all through my friendship with her as my best friend who I would tell everything too (and I do mean everything), my fraternity brothers would always joke with me about "sleeping" with her, and making out with her. A couple of times I almost thought about it, because in some areas her body was awesome..., but her face was ok, and she was very intelligent. I just could not bring myself to jeopardize my friendship with her. But to be honest with you, I am a different type of guy. I just never thought about running around with any of my friends, ( and mind you I had a lot of female friends who were either "sisters" or friends), or cheating on my girlfriend, because I was not trying to get all that I could. But if I was the "typical" male, I am sure I would have done more than just be friends with my friend.

Guys can have friends who are girls... but only if the guy calls her, his sister. THen you know that there is a 95% chance that he will never ever do anything. That other 5%, should be reserved for when that guy and his gf get into a fight, and if there just happens to be alcohol involved. That female "friend\roommate" will be the first woman....

It goes goes the same way with women. Once a woman puts the "brother" title on a male friend, he is either too ugly, too dumb, too nice, too caring, too soft, or just plain too un-interesting for her to make an effort to try to conjure up even the most remote of romantic feelings for...

remember women think in terms of romance alot....so if it aint there, it aint gonna be there and never wuz there... unless there is a nice huge argument and some alcohol... (which is why you should never drink) in the mix...

You should get to know the poor sap... or good friend...
IMHO unless the man is gay, you should never ever ever ever let your GF move in or become roommates with another man...even if that man has a steady GF (misery loves company, remember, a couple of nice huge arguements, some tears, and some alchohol, covereth up a multitude of sins). Like someone else mentioned, it is probably some type of ploy for attention. Sometimes women like a little jealously.... sometimes...
 
Originally posted by: amcdonald
Originally posted by: PingSpike
She is a fool if she thinks he doesn't want in her pants. She clearly doesn't understand how men work. We don't want to be your friends women, we want to sleep with and/or date you. Welcome to the real world. The only reason we pretend to want that is so we can be in a position to pounce when there's an opportunity.

What's going to happen when you have a fight? She's going to run right into fvcko's arms over there...and you're stuck getting played against him all the time.
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Exactly... and there are only a few reasons why this scenario may not be true/dangerous.
A) Your girlfriend is really ugly and this other guy can easily do way better.
B) Vice-Versa
C) He's gay and hasn't told anyone yet
D) He's an honest guy who would never attempt to break you guys up just so he could go out with her (VERY UNLIKELY)
E) He has no penis
F) Bunny with pancakes on its head.
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THIS IS FUNNY!!!
 
Originally posted by: Paunchy
Why is it so hard for the majority here to believe a man could maintain a non-sexual relationship with a woman? He (the best friend) may *want* to have sex with her, but then again, he (and almost all men) want to have sex with ALL the women they find attractive. Attraction is completely normal. I'm sure he also enjoys her company.

I have two really really painfully attractive female friends, and even though I'd probably fall to my knees and accept God into my life if the oppurtunity EVER arose to get it on with them, I've never once actually pursued that avenue. We get coffee, we get lunch, we go to dinner, we go to movies, etc. etc. etc. As friends. Nothing more. Both of them have boyfriends, I'm not gay, and everything is peachy keen.......... as long as they never see the hair dolls I've made.....

If you trust your girlfriend not to fool around, it doesn't really matter what the other guy wants because that's what the vast majority of guys who meet your girlfriend will want. Him liking her is a given. As long as the oppurtunity doesn't present itself, they can be friends. If she ever chooses to present the oppurtunity, THEN you can come back and restart this thread. Perhaps you're being unnecessarily insecure?
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Nuff said.... if the opportunity arises....
 
Shes cheating on you, dump her.

This isnt a sarcastic knee-jerk reaction.

Really, if they were going to room together, and theyve dated before, its a VERY VERY bad situation.

Just get rid of her and move on.
 
Dude, been on both sides and the other guy, no matter what he says is in it for the nookie, I'd suggest trying to work it out with your girl in a civil manner, if that fails, then leave her and move on, save yourself the heart break.
 
i cant believe this is still going on. i lost all of my respect for se7enty7 over this issue. the fact that you would let a girl walk all over you like this is disgusting. i really hope you arent this stupid.
 
I am engaged and my best friend is a girl. We hang out from time to time. Go out and eat occasionally. She is one of my bowling partners. My fiancee is there with us almost every time. But when she isnt there she does trust me. I have been in a few relationships where the girls best friend is a guy. One I killed by jealousy. One i trusted her and we long outlasted him as the friend. Relationships are all about trust. If you dont trust her now, you never will. Would you want her to trust you if your best friend was a girl? Or would you dump your best friend.
 
Originally posted by: MrDudeMan
i cant believe this is still going on. i lost all of my respect for se7enty7 over this issue. the fact that you would let a girl walk all over you like this is disgusting. i really hope you arent this stupid.
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imo people are reading what other people have said... not taking MY posts into consideration.


I will not get cheated on by my g/f. It will not happen. (This is coming out a relationship that lasted for almost a year by having the girl cheat on me)

She won't drink when I'm not there, and hardly does anyway.


This isn't a "my g/f is doing this stuff and she might cheat on me" thread, it's more of what is moral and what isn't. I think it isn't moral, and while she might not cheat on me, that doesn't mean living with him is a great influence on our relationship in general. Also, while she won't cheat on me, it doesn't mean it's okay for her to do whatever she wants. I get this feeling from her (that since she's faithful it doesn't matter what she does) about eating out with him AND moving in w/ him (and 2 other girls)



As far as the people telling to me to get to be friends w/ him.. he's spoiled. He was given a newer qx4 (2002 maybe??) and complains about it. It would be pretty much impossible for me to become friends or relate to someone with a mindset such as that.
 
You're not the boyfrind anymore. You're the "Emergency Dick in a Glass Case".
Leave it alone. She'll get around to breaking up after they've had sex a few more times.
Remember when they say "it's not you, it's me".... It's you.
 
imo people are reading what other people have said... not taking MY posts into consideration.


I will not get cheated on by my g/f. It will not happen. (This is coming out a relationship that lasted for almost a year by having the girl cheat on me)

She won't drink when I'm not there, and hardly does anyway.


This isn't a "my g/f is doing this stuff and she might cheat on me" thread, it's more of what is moral and what isn't. I think it isn't moral, and while she might not cheat on me, that doesn't mean living with him is a great influence on our relationship in general. Also, while she won't cheat on me, it doesn't mean it's okay for her to do whatever she wants. I get this feeling from her (that since she's faithful it doesn't matter what she does) about eating out with him AND moving in w/ him (and 2 other girls)

As far as the people telling to me to get to be friends w/ him.. he's spoiled. He was given a newer qx4 (2002 maybe??) and complains about it. It would be pretty much impossible for me to become friends or relate to someone with a mindset such as that.
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What you have to understand is that because we arent in the relationship, we can see things that you dont.

If I had a dollar for every man that said his girl wouldnt cheat....

I could bring evolutionary psychology into this, but Ill just say that its no coincidence that her best male friend has dollars like that.

Either way, she still shouldnt be moving in with him, that much has already been said. At this point I doubt theres anything that could be said that hasnt already been.

But dont delude yourself.

One way or another, I guarantee you that if she moves in with him, the fuse is already lit (the match is practically hovering now), and its just a matter of time.
 
Originally posted by: se7enty7
Originally posted by: MrDudeMan
i cant believe this is still going on. i lost all of my respect for se7enty7 over this issue. the fact that you would let a girl walk all over you like this is disgusting. i really hope you arent this stupid.
Click to expand...

imo people are reading what other people have said... not taking MY posts into consideration.


I will not get cheated on by my g/f. It will not happen. (This is coming out a relationship that lasted for almost a year by having the girl cheat on me)

She won't drink when I'm not there, and hardly does anyway.


This isn't a "my g/f is doing this stuff and she might cheat on me" thread, it's more of what is moral and what isn't. I think it isn't moral, and while she might not cheat on me, that doesn't mean living with him is a great influence on our relationship in general. Also, while she won't cheat on me, it doesn't mean it's okay for her to do whatever she wants. I get this feeling from her (that since she's faithful it doesn't matter what she does) about eating out with him AND moving in w/ him (and 2 other girls)



As far as the people telling to me to get to be friends w/ him.. he's spoiled. He was given a newer qx4 (2002 maybe??) and complains about it. It would be pretty much impossible for me to become friends or relate to someone with a mindset such as that.
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1. you don't like the people your GF likes. Bad sign right there.
2. Your g/f is moving into a place with a spoiled kid who can give her what she wants? If he's got money, he doesn't need a roomate, unless its for ...
3. You're either trolling or a totall idiot. 😉

I think you're trolling, no one can be that stupid.
 
Originally posted by: dabuddha
She's getting some on the side. Sorry.
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I had a similar experience in the past. When you argue with her, she'll use that guy as comfort food.

Don't be a chump. It's inevitable that sooner or later she'll pull the wool over your eyes.
 
Originally posted by: se7enty7

(A) imo people are reading what other people have said... not taking MY posts into consideration.


(B) I will not get cheated on by my g/f. It will not happen. (This is coming out a relationship that lasted for almost a year by having the girl cheat on me)

(C) She won't drink when I'm not there, and hardly does anyway.


(D) This isn't a "my g/f is doing this stuff and she might cheat on me" thread, it's more of what is moral and what isn't. I think it isn't moral, and while she might not cheat on me, that doesn't mean living with him is a great influence on our relationship in general. Also, while she won't cheat on me, it doesn't mean it's okay for her to do whatever she wants. I get this feeling from her (that since she's faithful it doesn't matter what she does) about eating out with him AND moving in w/ him (and 2 other girls)



(E) As far as the people telling to me to get to be friends w/ him.. he's spoiled. He was given a newer qx4 (2002 maybe??) and complains about it. It would be pretty much impossible for me to become friends or relate to someone with a mindset such as that.
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A) maybe, but a lot of us are reading both. you are being taken advantage of most likely, and you are the only one who doesnt know.

B) BAHAHAHHAHAHA...right. like you can even tell :roll: every girl is different, and every girl will hide it differently. there is no way in your infinite wisdom that you KNOW for SURE she isnt going to cheat. i would never speak to my girlfriend again, and i mean NEVER, if she even considered moving in with another guy.

C) BHAHAHAAHAHAH...right. you have got to be kidding me.

D) if you really have to ask whether or not what she is doing is moral, then you are an idiot. living with another guy is not ok IMO, especially when you are dating someone and the choice to move in is AFTER the relationship started. if she had a roomate before she met you, then fine, but WTF dude?!?

E) i can understand this. i work for everything, so spoiled brats dont mix with me. however, it would still be good to meet him to at least see what kind of jackass this guy really is.

edit: can we get an update please?
 
Se7enty7, I'm going to give you and your gf the benefit of the doubt for now. But you better come back in 6 months and post us an update!
 
I've seen this happen before even to the closest couples.

Even if she has good intentions, things happen over time...

Sorry to be a pessimist, but the odds are not good from what i've read. I think any good gf would not want to put their bf in such a situation, regardless of whether or not anything would happen. It isn't really a matter of trust, it is a matter of respect in my opinion.

I don't go out to watch the movies or dinner alone with a female friend, even if there is nothing between us, because I think it is wrong. Maybe when we've been married for 10 years it'll be a different story.
 
While I'm not totally throwing out the idea that they're having sex on the side, it's sad that none of you are smart enough to realize that yes, guys can have "friends that are girls" without having sex or dating. :roll:
 
Originally posted by: se7enty7
My biggest issue is that
1) he likes (liked) her. Feeligs like that don't just "go away" one day. They end with a breakup, or going out.
2) they eat dinner together, alone. That imo constitutes a date. I wouldn't do that sh!t to her (or wouldn't have before this.)
3) wtf else is happening I don't know about. I just found out last night they've been eating alone for awhile.
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Dude them eating together is NOT A DATE. They live TOGETHER. OF course they will spend some time together. Also they have known each other much longer then YOU.

Just live with it and trust your gf not to cheat on you or ditch her now as your insecure about it. Why be with someone who doesn't want to be with you fully?!

I'm very relaxed in relationships and am not bothered if my gf goes out with a bunch of guys or lives with them. If she wants to cheat she will sooner or later. If not then she is gf material 😀

Koing

 
(B) I will not get cheated on by my g/f. It will not happen. (This is coming out a relationship that lasted for almost a year by having the girl cheat on me)
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LOLOL what makes you think you're so sure? You're WAY more naieve than i thought.
 
Originally posted by: JungleMan1
While I'm not totally throwing out the idea that they're having sex on the side, it's sad that none of you are smart enough to realize that yes, guys can have "friends that are girls" without having sex or dating. :roll:
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Yeah sure, if the girl is rounder than a basketball or if the guy doesn't have a dick. Maybe a few other rare causes apply such as accepting each other as brother-sister. Look at the situation at hand, and tell us with a straight face that you really think that this guy isn't waiting for the first opportunity for " having sex or dating" (with) this girl.
 
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