Correct my English Essay

RbSX

Diamond Member
Jan 18, 2002
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**Please any advice is alright with me**

Ryan Sengara 4/24/02
English 10: Essay



Although their relationship was the result of an horrific event, James Jarvis and Stephen Kumalo forged a unique friendship out of the unfortunate deaths of their sons. Victims of a certain form of enlightenment after James' son Arthur was killed at the hands of Stephens son, Absalom, both fathers were given a unique insight into the complexities and problems plaguing eachothers society and race, however instead of hating eachother because of previous experiences, they develop a form of mutual respect for eachother.

After the death of his son, James reads his son's essays about social insecurity in South Africa. After reviewing his son's moving essays, James' views upon social insecurity and the black society in South Africa dramatically change. Because of his negligance of his sons view on life, he attempts to redeem himself by finishing his sons quest. Enlightened by his sons dream to change society, he turns to the town of Ndotsheni to make a difference. During his quest to improve the plight surrounding him, he builds a dam to prevent drought, he provides milk for the dying children, and he helps teach farming techniques improve farming in the valley. Being a priest, Stephen Kumalo feels extensive regret when his son murders Arthur Jarvis. A month after the death of his son Stephen travels up into the mountain where he whether by fate or fluke sees James Jarvis. While on the mountain the two men discuss the unfortunate deaths of their sons, as well Stephen engages in a conversation with James that reveals that they are not all that different. Stephen is especially moved when he learns Jarvis' grand child wants to learn about the Zulu culture and language. They spoke about common interests and goals, such as their mutual interests in helping Ndotsheni, although their approaches are different. After their unfortunate first encounter with the deaths of their sons, mutual hatred doesn't consume James and Stephen, instead they realize that they are both fathers grieving over the loss of their children.

Even though their first encounter was not on a pleasant note, James and Stephen have overcame the stereotypes, and conflict between their cultures. Because of this, they have realized that they can work together to achive a common goal.


 

aphex

Moderator<br>All Things Apple
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Jul 19, 2001
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<< Corret my English Essay >>



Found your first mistake. :)
 

NFS4

No Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
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<<

<< Corret my English Essay >>



Found your first mistake. :)
>>


BUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

Best post EVER! :D
 

Legendary

Diamond Member
Jan 22, 2002
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Edited:

Although their relationship was the result of an horrific event, James Jarvis and Stephen Kumalo forge a unique friendship out of the unfortunate deaths of their sons. Victims of a certain form of enlightenment after James' son Arthur is killed by Stephen's son, Absalom, both fathers are given a unique insight into the complexities and problems plaguing the other's society and race, however instead of hating each other because of previous experiences, they develop a mutual respect for one another.

After the death of his son, James reads his son's essays about social insecurity in South Africa. After reviewing his son's moving essays, James' views upon social insecurity and the black society in South Africa dramatically change. Because of his ignorance to his sons view on life, he attempts to redeem himself by finishing his sons quest. Enlightened by his son's dream to change society, he turns to the town of Ndotsheni to make a difference. During his quest to improve the plight surrounding him, he builds a dam to prevent drought, he provides milk for the dying children, and he helps teach farming techniques to improve farming in the valley. Being a priest, Stephen Kumalo feels regret when his son murders Arthur Jarvis. A month after the death of his son Stephen travels up into the mountain where he, whether by fate or fluke, meets James Jarvis. While on the mountain the two men discuss the unfortunate deaths of their sons, and Stephen engages in a conversation with James that reveals that they are not all that different. Stephen is especially moved when he learns that Jarvis' grandchild wants to learn about the Zulu culture and language. They speak about common interests and goals, such as their mutual interests in helping Ndotsheni, although their approaches are different. After their unfortunate first encounter with the deaths of their sons, mutual hatred doesn't consume James and Stephen, instead they realize that they are both fathers grieving over the loss of their children.

Even though their first encounter was not on a pleasant note, James and Stephen overcome the stereotypes and conflict between their cultures. Because of this, they realize that they can work together to achieve a common goal.

Just a reminder: Whenever writing about literature, ALWAYS use the present tense.

Also, stop saying "form of"
 

lawaris

Banned
Jun 26, 2001
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jus' my view - big words do not necessarily make a nice essay.

also try to have shorter sentences and

sentence structuring can be improved.
 

WombatWoman

Diamond Member
Feb 19, 2000
5,439
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Here's a quick edit. Bold type indicates areas where I suggest a change.

Although their relationship was the result of an horrific event, James Jarvis and Stephen Kumalo forged a unique friendship out of the unfortunate deaths of their sons. Victims of a certain form of enlightenment after James' son Arthur was killed at the hands of Stephen's son, Absalom, both fathers were given a unique insight into the complexities and problems plaguing each other's society and race. However, instead of hating each other because of previous experiences, they develop a form of mutual respect for each other.

After the death of his son, James reads his son's essays about social insecurity in South Africa. After reviewing his son's moving essays, James' views upon social insecurity and the black society in South Africa dramatically change. Because of his ignorance of his son's view on life, he attempts to redeem himself by finishing his son's quest. Enlightened by his son's dream to change society, he turns to the town of Ndotsheni to make a difference. During his quest to improve the plight surrounding him, he builds a dam to prevent drought, he provides milk for the dying children, and he helps teach farming techniques to improve farming in the valley.

(New paragraph)Being a priest, Stephen Kumalo feels extensive regret when his son murders Arthur Jarvis. A month after the death of his son, Stephen travels up into the mountain where, whether by fate or fluke, he sees James Jarvis. While on the mountain the two men discuss the unfortunate deaths of their sons, and Stephen engages in a conversation with James that reveals that they are not all that different. Stephen is especially moved when he learns Jarvis' grandchild wants to learn about the Zulu culture and language. They speak about common interests and goals, such as their mutual interests in helping Ndotsheni, although their approaches are different. After their unfortunate first encounter with the deaths of their sons, mutual hatred doesn't consume James and Stephen; instead, they realize that they are both fathers grieving over the loss of their children.

Even though their first encounter was not on a pleasant note, James and Stephen have overcome the stereotypes and conflict between their cultures. Because of this, they have realized that they can work together to achieve a common goal.


[NOTE: although "James' view" and "Jarvis' grandchild" would be accepted as proper usage by some authorities, most prefer "James's" and "Jarvis's," which echoes the way these possessives are actually pronounced.]