Confused: How can you love someone, but still want to cheat?

[MichaelD]

I'm a very blunt person; you guys know that, so I didn't sugarcoat the title.

I care for my girlfriend very much. I'd do anything for her. I love her; I really do. I'm old enough and experienced enough to know what love is. We've been thru a lot together and we are still together.

However, I love women. I mean, I LOVE women. There are several of them at my primary place of employment that I just could not say no to. As a matter of fact, there is one in particular that I have an enormous crush on. I get woozy when she smiles at me.

I know this is just a chemical reaction otherwise known as "lust." The human body is preprogrammed to exhibit this reaction. It's how the species continues to be propogated!

I have almost "talked to her." You know what I mean by "talked to her." Not "hey, how'ya doin?" But, "I think you are all that and a bag of chips. Can I please take you out?"

Why do I feel this way? I love my GF, but I'm always craving something new. It's not that "I ain't gettin' any" b/c I get plenty, and it's pretty darned good too! :Q

What is going on here?

 

You need to get it all out of your system. Once you been with enough chicks you may settle down. It's a timing thing. Even though you love your gf you still need to sew your oats.

 

[jcuadrado]

good luck dude..

 

[Descartes]

I think dwell is probably right, you need to get it out of your system. Monogamy certainly isn't something you can impress upon yourself.

 

[Pepsei]

just because you love someone doesn't mean you won't be lusting after someone else (you shouldn't in princlple)

how do you deal with it? well, if your love is not strong enough for your gf, you'd experiment by doing other women.....
that just means you're not getting enough of something from your gf that you're looking somewhere else. perhaps companionship of other women...

(now, that's just the 'normal' standard that most people go by, you can make your own standard by doing whatever you want)

if you cheat... most people would think you're scum..that's the way it is....

oh yeah... pics?

 

[Elledan]

Spreadin' the genes

Monogamy is actually a very unnatural behaviour for Primates and numerous other animals.

 

[IndyRacing]

It is called the males urge to breed. It is our need to reproduce with as many females as we can while alive. Even though we are not in the cave man years anymore we still have this desire. I love my ole' lady but I still want to bang other chicks. Now the hard part is saying no to these desires. Your normal dude.

 

[Salvador]

I think you're correct and I personally believe that it's unnatural to be monogomous. That's why I'm not married. All it does is make it tougher to break up. Why bring the law into things? If I have a long term relationship and break up, that's all I do. If I'm married, I have to file for divorce (legal bs). I may be in the minority, but I think marriage is stupid. About the only benefit is that you get a tax break and lower rates on your insurance.

OTOH.. I guess if you love this woman and want to keep her around because of societies rules, I guess you'd better think twice about acting on that lust. A lot of times, the mere lust is a lot more exciting than actually folowing through with it. Do you ever notice how exciting it is when you first date and then after a month of so, the excitement is gone. Don't get me wrong, it's pleasant, but it's just not nearly as exciting as when you are first dating and the relationship is new.

EDIT: I see that MichaelD wrote something similar. I don't think it's the fact that the girlfriend gained weight. I just think the excitement fades quickly. You begin to realize that this person isn't the person you put up on a pedastal. That they are in fact human and have human faults. A new relationship doesn't have any baggage, so that's part of the appeal.

If you really want to keep your girlfriend, my advice is to let yourself get worked up at work and then go home to your girlfriend and take it out on her. If you know what I mean.

Sal

 

[MichaelD]

<< You need to get it all out of your system. Once you been with enough chicks you may settle down. It's a timing thing. Even though you love your gf you still need to sew your oats. >>



See, that's the problem; not bragging, but w/as many women as I've slept with, I should have it all out of my system by now...but it's not. Pardon the bluntness, but "new stuff is great stuff!"

You guys all know the story. You meet a girl. She's hot. She looks great. You hook up. A year later, she's 40 pounds heavier and not looking so great anymore. Please; let's not turn this into another "how to get your fatass girlfriend into the gym" thread. She has to want to. Nothing else will work.

I still want that girl that works downstairs...damn, she's hot.

 

[StageLeft]

It's quite simple. Lust as you said. It's human nature to find others attractive. Acting on it is the key (or not acting on it). I don't think you can get it out of your system by screwing it out. My brother was in a long relationship and broke up with her, and then proceeded to "get it out of his system". He's back with his old GF and not cheating but I think he feels the same urges he always did.

 

[Salvador]

Whoah... This post was unanswered when I started the reply. Heh You guys is fast!

Sal

 

[ChrichtonsGirl]

Wanting to cheat and following through on it are two different things. When you pledged to love someone, you didn't pledge to disconnect your penis everytime you left the house. Just make sure you think harder with the head on top of your shoulders and you'll know the right thing to do.

IMO, it's perfectly natural that a person would not only be attracted to one person, but to many. But you make sacrifices for committment, including not screwing around. When the committment's right, it won't be an issue of you feeling like you might cheat.

 

[Geekbabe]

Whatever you do,make sure you give all parties involved the respect of some honesty and for god's sake use condoms !

A guy telling you that he'd like to see other people for awhile is one thing, a guy stepping to the side and possibly endangering a woman's health physically while conviently not giving her the open season license that he's enjoying is a snake,will get found out and hopefully dropped like a hot rock by all the women involved if they've got any sense.

 

[AnthraX101]

Lusting is a natural human emotion. You just have to be the biger man and ignore these emotions, or channel them into your current GF.

Armani

 

<< You guys all know the story. You meet a girl. She's hot. She looks great. You hook up. A year later, she's 40 pounds heavier and not looking so great anymore. Please; let's not turn this into another "how to get your fatass girlfriend into the gym" thread. She has to want to. Nothing else will work. >>


I know the drill. It's not even a year later, it's like once you had it you want to move on to the next. I feel the same way, but when you really love someone you get over it. At least that's what happened to me in the past. Right now I am hoeing it though

 

[cressida]

he still wants to have some fun

 

[MichaelD]

<< you didn't pledge to disconnect your penis everytime you left the house >>



OMG, ChrichtonsGirl, that's one of the funniest damn things I've read in weeks! LMAO! I'm tempted to use it for my new signature of the week. But I don't think that would be appropriate.

You're right about everything you've said, though. Sometimes, I think I think too much.

 

[Miramonti]

Do unto others as you'd have.... 'primal instinct' isn't an excuse. If you love her you still might cheat, but if you respect her and the relationship, you won't. Like was mentioned, timing is everything, and maybe this isn't the time for a girlfriend if you don't want to or cant be faithful.

 

[Zwingle]

MichaelD - By cheat are you meaning have sex with another woman? If so, I think you can love someone and still carry sexual relations with another person, just don't mix the feelings of lust and love. Love and sex are 2 different things and do not always go hand in hand. I am not a religious person so the moral issue doesn't get in the way for me. No guilt here.....just because my wife is not in the mood for sex doesn't mean I should suffer. Just don't bring home any unwanted gifts with you...i.e. herpes or other STD's and becareful of whom you choose to have sex with....lots of psychos out there. Should you be honest and open about your adventures with other woman with your partner? I would say it is probably not wise....just my opinion...flame on!

BTW: There is no way to get it all out of your system....no sowing your wild oats.....there are some men who, when they get married, they become dead to all other woman but thier wives....rare breed as far as I can see......it is human nature to want what you ain't got....or getting.....I say go for it.....just don't get caught! Bang away!

 

[classy]

There are 3 parts of your being. Your spirit, your soul (mind, will, and emotions), and your body. When you generally love someone, your emotions are involved. One of the effects of love is the desire to make love or have sex with that person. But the drive for sex is your body not your emotions. The hormones are instinctive in your body. Testosterone which is a forceful and violent hormone, this is why men are prone to be more violent than women, drives your body to desire the itimacy with these women which is natural. Thats why its difficult for people to sometimes to know the difference if they are in love or in lust. This is also why when men are experiencing impotence, it is usually treated with hormone therapy to raise the body's testosterone level. And because of this it is possible to be really in love with one person, but still want to fool around with other women. So you have to control your will to over-ride your body so you don't cheat.

 

[Geekbabe]

<< MichaelD - By cheat are you meaning have sex with another woman? If so, I think you can love someone and still carry sexual relations with another person, just don't mix the feelings of lust and love. Love and sex are 2 different things and do not always go hand in hand. I am not a religious person so the moral issue doesn't get in the way for me. No guilt here.....just because my wife is not in the mood for sex doesn't mean I should suffer. Just don't bring home any unwanted gifts with you...i.e. herpes or other STD's and becareful of whom you choose to have sex with....lots of psychos out there. Should you be honest and open about your adventures with other woman with your partner? I would say it is probably not wise....just my opinion...flame on!

BTW: There is no way to get it all out of your system....no sowing your wild oats.....there are some men who, when they get married, they become dead to all other woman but thier wives....rare breed as far as I can see......it is human nature to want what you ain't got....or getting.....I say go for it.....just don't get caught! Bang away! >>




and pray that you don't get found out and watch the world as you know it come crumbling down around you. The arrogrance involved in the mindset of "boys will be boys" and "what she doesn't know won't hurt her" is mindblowing to me anyway. I cannot even begin to imagine hurting somebody I claim to love in this way.Obviously I'm hopelessly old fashioned and out of touch.

 

[MichaelD]

Great response, Classy. I appreciate your opinion. *Sigh* Sometimes my hormones go right off the Richter Scale.:Q It helps me to talk about it. I love this place! (Warm fuzzies all around!)

 

[ttn1]

<< Just don't bring home any unwanted gifts with you...i.e. herpes or other STD's and becareful of whom you choose to have sex with....l >>



Flame on!

And how do you gaurantee this. Come on, at least be honest with the one you are with. If this is
such an issue, then bring it out in the open with your mate. Then at least she has a choice in risking her life.
Don't sneak around like a pussy.

Flame off.

Bottom line is that if you don't want to be faithful, at least be honest.

*edit* By the way you could tell you significant other about these urges. Then you both might be able to come up with
a constructive way to curb them. This takes a very honest and open relationship though.

 

[db]

Sleeping with more women to 'get it out of your system' does not work.
Eventually--and I can't believe I'm saying this--you'll come to the realization that there's got to be more to it than just sex.
(Totally self-centered and selfish people will never get to that realization, BTW).

Next, you must realize that screwing around--although anybody can do it--will totally damage your relationship, AND says alot about
the quality of person you are, and your respect for your partner and how much you value your relationship.

Through experience, I have found this to be ture.

 

[jjones]

<<
See, that's the problem; not bragging, but w/as many women as I've slept with, I should have it all out of my system by now...but it's not. Pardon the bluntness, but "new stuff is great stuff!"

You guys all know the story. You meet a girl. She's hot. She looks great. You hook up. A year later, she's 40 pounds heavier and not looking so great anymore. Please; let's not turn this into another "how to get your fatass girlfriend into the gym" thread. She has to want to. Nothing else will work.

I still want that girl that works downstairs...damn, she's hot.
>>


I understand what you're saying because I've been with literally more women than I can remember. I'm married now and the thought of cheating really doesn't enter my mind; at least not seriously.

If what I'm reading is correct, then your GF has put on some weight. I always told my wife that if she got fat, I would divorce her. That may sound bad but for me, but if I'm going to have a good, long-lasting sexual relationship, I want her to be in good shape and as far as animalistic urges go, I want her to be hot.

So my wife is still "hot" in my eyes and it's very easy to rule out having an affair with another "hottie" because I don't want any damage to my marriage. I don't want to risk losing what I have even though I have an occasional and natural thought about what it would be like to jump in the sack with another babe.

If the situation were different, I can't honestly say I wouldn't cheat. I don't honestly know what I would do because I do like hot women and the temptation to cheat is too readily available.