For a moment there I thought that my worth had shot up from a mere $.25 to the heady heights of $3.00, a rise that rivaled Enron's!!  My self esteem, always entirely and utterly based on the casual observations of strangers, SOARED!!  But, alas, I misread, and have been cruelly cast aside . . .
Pity the Perknose without Popcorn, peevish, pallid and apart. 
 He furiously tries to devise another sexy snack treat that would rival the cholesterol slathered kernel . . .