illusion88
Lifer
If any of you could spare some time and help me write this commencement speech, that would be greatly appreciated. If you don't then post away in this thread so you can help me in my quest of procrasticantion by letting me read whatever you felt was approiate to write down. I dont care what you reply with, any topic will do, any comment will suffice.
So without further delay I give you....
In a rational and sane world I would congratulate the class of 2003 and sit down without further comment. I?m sure that the class of 2003 would very much love for me to do just that, unfortunately, this is not a rational and sane world.
We live in a world that is far more slavish to ancient customs then we would like to admit. And ancient commencement?day tradition demands that somebody come up here and berate the graduates until they get down on their knees and beg for mercy. The ancient rule has always been: make the poor graduates suffer.
But lucky for you, the forces of mercy have made big gains since then. The authorities at Maria Carrillo High School have suggested that to speak longer then 10 minutes would be regarded as cruel and unusual punishment and if I were to go as long as 15 minutes, several strong men will mount this platform and forcible remove me. But if I can finish in under 5 minutes ? 5 minutes! ? They will let me stay for dinner! When I smell a free dinner, I go for it.
Condensing a graduation speech is no small task. To do this I had to strip away all of the frills. This means that you don?t even get warm up jokes. So, for those of you that came just for the jokes, you might as well get up and leave.
All right, with that behind us, let?s get on to the dull part. That?s where the commencement speaker tells the graduates to go venture out into the world, offers lots of advice la de la da la, and it?s a ridiculous waste of time. No one ever takes that advice! The best advice I can offer is: Don?t do it, I?ve been there, and it?s a mess.
Thats all I have. What should I continue with?
EDIT: just some formating...
So without further delay I give you....
In a rational and sane world I would congratulate the class of 2003 and sit down without further comment. I?m sure that the class of 2003 would very much love for me to do just that, unfortunately, this is not a rational and sane world.
We live in a world that is far more slavish to ancient customs then we would like to admit. And ancient commencement?day tradition demands that somebody come up here and berate the graduates until they get down on their knees and beg for mercy. The ancient rule has always been: make the poor graduates suffer.
But lucky for you, the forces of mercy have made big gains since then. The authorities at Maria Carrillo High School have suggested that to speak longer then 10 minutes would be regarded as cruel and unusual punishment and if I were to go as long as 15 minutes, several strong men will mount this platform and forcible remove me. But if I can finish in under 5 minutes ? 5 minutes! ? They will let me stay for dinner! When I smell a free dinner, I go for it.
Condensing a graduation speech is no small task. To do this I had to strip away all of the frills. This means that you don?t even get warm up jokes. So, for those of you that came just for the jokes, you might as well get up and leave.
All right, with that behind us, let?s get on to the dull part. That?s where the commencement speaker tells the graduates to go venture out into the world, offers lots of advice la de la da la, and it?s a ridiculous waste of time. No one ever takes that advice! The best advice I can offer is: Don?t do it, I?ve been there, and it?s a mess.
Thats all I have. What should I continue with?
EDIT: just some formating...
