Originally posted by: gopunk
lol, nah, another idiot
yea i don't really trust or expect much from my idiot friends. they're more or less for entertainment purposes
Haha, way to be.
Haha, way to be.
No offense taken. Not every RA has the same role at every college. The ones I've gotten to know and worked with have earned my respect, and generally, that of the people on their floors.
Doesn't mean that they're perfect, or that they're meant to be counselors of any sort. Again, meant to be a resource and someone to talk to, if desired.
Oh yeah,
.Originally posted by: gopunk
Originally posted by: Jfur
Wish granted. Enjoy!
whoa, i'm your new friend
:Q
Originally posted by: Zakath15
Originally posted by: gopunk
Originally posted by: Jfur
Wish granted. Enjoy!
whoa, i'm your new friend
:Q
Want to sword fight?
i dont know..
i really dont think im being a perfectionist this time with the idea in mind of dropping out.
all through out highschool i was extremely unhappy / unsatisfied and my last 2 years were especially hard.
the whole time while that was happening, people were telling me not to worry, that college was around the corner, where i could start fresh and new, and that i would be happy, and that college are the best four years of everyones life,
that promise had kept me going through the rough times.
i just wanted my one moment of truth in my life, where i could have 4 years of extreme happiness and joy, where i could go there from the start be overjoyed, and just keep on building.
and now to think that probably the most important month of my college career has passed me and i missed it. Now I feel absolutely depressed and dont know how this is ever going to get to be what i hoped for.
people are walking around with friends, many of them have found their groups, and here i am, without anybody, no floor to live on as a true home, and no floor that im known on, and its already a month into the year, really too late to start hanging out on floors according to some ppl.
i dont want to be sitting around in my dorm room bored on all weekends, like they have been so far, where i just sit and become miserable over my problems.
i just dont know, i was pretty miserable at times in high school, like when i missed out on my junior year because of my preoccupation with my eating disorder, but it was still okay because college was around the corner.
whats around the corner after college? i hear this is the peak of life. this is where u meet most of your friends that stay with you for the rest of your life, and this is where most people meet their mates.
Do i start over, for the sake of justice, so i can finally have what i've longed for? a college experience thats happy from the beginning?
or do i try to muscle this one out, make friends from distant places, but not really have a family of friends for a long time, and live with this big negative spot in my memory for the rest of my time here??
if i muscle this one out, i wont be able to have my freshman year ever again
If I quit now, or at the semester end, I could at least enter a new school next year as a freshman, and finally have what i want in life.
Or do I finish up my schooling here, and say "well i guess im always going to be handicapped by my bad start"
You see, most people become good friends with those they meet at the start, because both of them need friends.
I love it when everyone is all in need of friends at one point, it makes the atmosphere so wonderful.
anyways, the ppl find their friends right away, and most importantly they become like a family with their floor.
These friends carry on into their next year. If i entered into my next year without any good friends I would be at a disadvantage as it is.
I just want the normal college experience I'd hoped for, and already it isnt.
I just don't believe that I can have much fun anymore or be able to turn this around.
now on top my those sacred highschool years, my college years have been tainted, and its like theres nothing special for me to enjoy.
i really dont think im being a perfectionist this time with the idea in mind of dropping out.
all through out highschool i was extremely unhappy / unsatisfied and my last 2 years were especially hard.
the whole time while that was happening, people were telling me not to worry, that college was around the corner, where i could start fresh and new, and that i would be happy, and that college are the best four years of everyones life,
that promise had kept me going through the rough times.
i just wanted my one moment of truth in my life, where i could have 4 years of extreme happiness and joy, where i could go there from the start be overjoyed, and just keep on building.
and now to think that probably the most important month of my college career has passed me and i missed it.
Now I feel absolutely depressed and dont know how this is ever going to get to be what i hoped for. people are walking around with friends, many of them have found their groups, and here i am, without anybody, no floor to live on as a true home, and no floor that im known on, and its already a month into the year, really too late to start hanging out on floors according to some ppl.
i dont want to be sitting around in my dorm room bored on all weekends, like they have been so far, where i just sit and become miserable over my problems.
i just dont know, i was pretty miserable at times in high school, like when i missed out on my junior year because of my preoccupation with my eating disorder, but it was still okay because college was around the corner.
whats around the corner after college? i hear this is the peak of life. this is where u meet most of your friends that stay with you for the rest of your life, and this is where most people meet their mates.
Do i start over, for the sake of justice, so i can finally have what i've longed for? a college experience thats happy from the beginning?
or do i try to muscle this one out, make friends from distant places, but not really have a family of friends for a long time, and live with this big negative spot in my memory for the rest of my time here??
if i muscle this one out, i wont be able to have my freshman year ever again
If I quit now, or at the semester end, I could at least enter a new school next year as a freshman, and finally have what i want in life.
Or do I finish up my schooling here, and say "well i guess im always going to be handicapped by my bad start"
You see, most people become good friends with those they meet at the start, because both of them need friends.
I love it when everyone is all in need of friends at one point, it makes the atmosphere so wonderful.
anyways, the ppl find their friends right away, and most importantly they become like a family with their floor.
These friends carry on into their next year. If i entered into my next year without any good friends I would be at a disadvantage as it is.
I just want the normal college experience I'd hoped for, and already it isnt.
I just don't believe that I can have much fun anymore or be able to turn this around.
now on top my those sacred highschool years, my college years have been tainted, and its like theres nothing special for me to enjoy.
Originally posted by: skywalker66
i dont know..
i really dont think im being a perfectionist this time with the idea in mind of dropping out.
all through out highschool i was extremely unhappy / unsatisfied and my last 2 years were especially hard.
the whole time while that was happening, people were telling me not to worry, that college was around the corner, where i could start fresh and new, and that i would be happy, and that college are the best four years of everyones life,
that promise had kept me going through the rough times.
i just wanted my one moment of truth in my life, where i could have 4 years of extreme happiness and joy, where i could go there from the start be overjoyed, and just keep on building.
and now to think that probably the most important month of my college career has passed me and i missed it.
people are walking around with friends, many of them have found their groups, and here i am, without anybody, no floor to live on as a true home, and no floor that im known on, and its already a month into the year, really too late to start hanging out on floors according to some ppl.
i dont want to be sitting around in my dorm room bored on all weekends, like they have been so far, where i just sit and become miserable over my problems.
i just dont know, i was pretty miserable at times in high school, like when i missed out on my junior year because of my preoccupation with my eating disorder, but it was still okay because college was around the corner.
whats around the corner after college? i hear this is the peak of life. this is where u meet most of your friends that stay with you for the rest of your life, and this is where most people meet their mates.
Do i start over, for the sake of justice, so i can finally have what i've longed for? a college experience thats happy from the beginning?
or do i try to muscle this one out, make friends from distant places, but not really have a family of friends for a long time, and live with this big negative spot in my memory for the rest of my time here??
if i muscle this one out, i wont be able to have my freshman year ever again
If I quit now, or at the semester end, I could at least enter a new school next year as a freshman, and finally have what i want in life.
Or do I finish up my schooling here, and say "well i guess im always going to be handicapped by my bad start"
You see, most people become good friends with those they meet at the start, because both of them need friends.
I love it when everyone is all in need of friends at one point, it makes the atmosphere so wonderful.
anyways, the ppl find their friends right away, and most importantly they become like a family with their floor.
These friends carry on into their next year. If i entered into my next year without any good friends I would be at a disadvantage as it is.
I just want the normal college experience I'd hoped for, and already it isnt.
I just don't believe that I can have much fun anymore or be able to turn this around.
now on top my those sacred highschool years, my college years have been tainted, and its like theres nothing special for me to enjoy. :
(
I have to disagree with the idea that either high school or college are the best years of one's life. If so, that's a really sad life. College is a time to grow and learn about yourself, and that can be really stressful. The vast majority of people do not find college to be 100% or even 50% joy, and many find it to be extremely trying (with good points, too, of course). All of these things you say you've heard about college are generalizations at best. By accepting them you are giving up control of your life (based on ill-formed conclusions). You create your own reality to a great extent. The first month of college is nowhere near the most important. Even if you get all C's your first semester or fail a class it's not the end of the world. Far from it. Your expectations are so high that your never going to be happy. Try to relax a little (I mean that in a nice way). Allow yourself to experiment and make a few mistakes. Expect that some days of your life will suck and others won't. There will never be prefection and that's ok. If you learn coping skills, most of your days will be great and the bad ones will be far less significant. OK? Think about all of these expectations that are driving you to misery. Examine them carefully and most of them will fade in the light.
Didn't read the other posts..but here's my opinion on getting another chance to meet people. My college has study group programs where people taking 1+ common classes together can meet up for an hour or so each week. So try to find out if there's a study group - if not, form one of your own...it's hard to suddenly go up to ppl and do that, but you won't seem desperate ("hey, since we're in the same classes, want to get together tomorrow to study? and bring a few friends in the class" as opposed to "will you be my friend?"). If they say no, they probably don't need help or have their own study group already (that's when you ask if you can join them) so it won't be anything personal.
my $.02
I had many of the same problems that you are going through when I first went to college. It was a real shock for me since I got along with about everyone in my small high school, and always had GF's and friends to hang out with.
Winds up that there was always anxiety lurking under the surface. Looking back at how I acted in high school, I relied on comfort in numbers. I have alot of regret for that.
I wound up quitting the University I went to after, get this, a year and a half. I took a semester off and moved on to a community college to get a 2yr degree. Once again, wrong turn. Instead of getting to know people, I focused on my part time jobs and getting by in school. I was lucky enough to be born with the ability to pick things up very easily, so did fairly well in class. During those 2 years, I dug myself further and further into a social hell. To the point where if I did work up the courage to partake in a social activity, I would damn near tremble with fright.
FINALLY, I came across an article or something talking about anxiety. Bam, I realised I had all the signs. I went to the doctor, got put on a med (can't even remember the name) and it worked a little, but the side effects were hell. I quit taking it without telling my doctor. Things got even worse because I lost faith that things COULD ever get better.
Somehow throughout all of this, I managed to salvage the relationship I had with my highschool GF. Wound up getting married, then moved even further away from home for her job. I was at a breakpoint, and I knew it. I went to the doctor again. This time, was prescribed Zoloft. It worked great at first, but then became less effective. I did not give up this time, decided to tell the doctor. To my relief, this is common, and he modified my dosage. That was ~15 months ago. The anxiety does not effect me anymore. I can function in social situations I could previously never have dreamed of. I can finally look challenges in the eye and dive in head first.
SO, the message I am trying to get across. DUDE, get to a doctor. Get some treatment. Even if the anxiety or depression that you have is not serious, it will most likely NOT GO AWAY ON IT'S OWN. And when you do get treatment....stick with it!!! GOOD LUCK!!!!
I had many of the same problems that you are going through when I first went to college. It was a real shock for me since I got along with about everyone in my small high school, and always had GF's and friends to hang out with.
Winds up that there was always anxiety lurking under the surface. Looking back at how I acted in high school, I relied on comfort in numbers. I have alot of regret for that.
I wound up quitting the University I went to after, get this, a year and a half. I took a semester off and moved on to a community college to get a 2yr degree. Once again, wrong turn. Instead of getting to know people, I focused on my part time jobs and getting by in school. I was lucky enough to be born with the ability to pick things up very easily, so did fairly well in class. During those 2 years, I dug myself further and further into a social hell. To the point where if I did work up the courage to partake in a social activity, I would damn near tremble with fright.
FINALLY, I came across an article or something talking about anxiety. Bam, I realised I had all the signs. I went to the doctor, got put on a med (can't even remember the name) and it worked a little, but the side effects were hell. I quit taking it without telling my doctor. Things got even worse because I lost faith that things COULD ever get better.
Somehow throughout all of this, I managed to salvage the relationship I had with my highschool GF. Wound up getting married, then moved even further away from home for her job. I was at a breakpoint, and I knew it. I went to the doctor again. This time, was prescribed Zoloft. It worked great at first, but then became less effective. I did not give up this time, decided to tell the doctor. To my relief, this is common, and he modified my dosage. That was ~15 months ago. The anxiety does not effect me anymore. I can function in social situations I could previously never have dreamed of. I can finally look challenges in the eye and dive in head first.
SO, the message I am trying to get across. DUDE, get to a doctor. Get some treatment. Even if the anxiety or depression that you have is not serious, it will most likely NOT GO AWAY ON IT'S OWN. And when you do get treatment....stick with it!!! GOOD LUCK!!!!
I was in kind of your situation my first year.... but worse. I'm from Texas, and my best friend from home came up with me to Chicago to go to school. We decided to be roommates. We were already best friends, so really there wasn't any need for me to make any more friends.... so all of that connecting that goes on in the beginning of the school year, when nobody knows anybody, really didn't happen for me. Sure, I *knew* other people, but I wasn't *friends* with anybody. Anybody other than my best friend from back home.
So what happened when, due to family circumstances, he didn't come back to school after Christmas? Yep, he just up and quit the university, came and picked up his stuff, and moved back to Texas. So I was really fvcked, and I'm telling you, I really felt it. It's bad enough being friendless, but it's far worse when you're friendless in a Chicago winter. I spent the whole quarter in my room alone. Worse, I was on the very end of the halway, with upperclassmen all around, and the group of my closest acquaintances lived all the way at the other end of a very long hall, so chance encounters really didn't happen. I was pretty depressed. I cried, especially at times like Valentine's Day when my loneliness was felt *very* acutely.
So how did I get out of this funk? A random girl.... We had met a few times because she was the captain of the girls' IM Basketball team, and I was the House IM Chair (a position of responsibility that nobody wanted), so we had interacted a few times in that regard. Then, one night, she was waiting in the hallway for someone to proofread a paper she had written.... that person wasn't there, so I said "I'm a good proofreader, do you want me to read it?" She agreed and gave it to me, when she came back to my room I was eating Oreos and milk.... I asked her if she wanted some, she said yes because she loves Oreos and milk, and we made it a regular thing. Like every night. We ended up hooking up for a short period, but that was over fairly quickly, but we remained friends. And this girl has friends on top of friends on top of friends.... I got to know quite a few people, just by spending time with her. She's still one of my closest friends
Also, I got to know some of the other guys in the dorm... started drinking.... (like you, for moral reasons I had never smoked/drank/had sex in my life.... at that time, I reconsidered my stance on drinking... I'm currently entering my senior year BTW) and next year I moved to the side of the dorm close to all of my friends, I spent my evenings in my best friend's room joking with 3 other guys, we went out and partied together, .... it was all good.
So basically, just don't give up hope, and try to strike up conversations with people, no matter how stupid it may seem.... that person may be the one to pull you out of your despair
So what happened when, due to family circumstances, he didn't come back to school after Christmas? Yep, he just up and quit the university, came and picked up his stuff, and moved back to Texas. So I was really fvcked, and I'm telling you, I really felt it. It's bad enough being friendless, but it's far worse when you're friendless in a Chicago winter. I spent the whole quarter in my room alone. Worse, I was on the very end of the halway, with upperclassmen all around, and the group of my closest acquaintances lived all the way at the other end of a very long hall, so chance encounters really didn't happen. I was pretty depressed. I cried, especially at times like Valentine's Day when my loneliness was felt *very* acutely.
So how did I get out of this funk? A random girl.... We had met a few times because she was the captain of the girls' IM Basketball team, and I was the House IM Chair (a position of responsibility that nobody wanted), so we had interacted a few times in that regard. Then, one night, she was waiting in the hallway for someone to proofread a paper she had written.... that person wasn't there, so I said "I'm a good proofreader, do you want me to read it?" She agreed and gave it to me, when she came back to my room I was eating Oreos and milk.... I asked her if she wanted some, she said yes because she loves Oreos and milk, and we made it a regular thing. Like every night. We ended up hooking up for a short period, but that was over fairly quickly, but we remained friends. And this girl has friends on top of friends on top of friends.... I got to know quite a few people, just by spending time with her. She's still one of my closest friends
Also, I got to know some of the other guys in the dorm... started drinking.... (like you, for moral reasons I had never smoked/drank/had sex in my life.... at that time, I reconsidered my stance on drinking...
I'm currently entering my senior year BTW) and next year I moved to the side of the dorm close to all of my friends, I spent my evenings in my best friend's room joking with 3 other guys, we went out and partied together, .... it was all good. So basically, just don't give up hope, and try to strike up conversations with people, no matter how stupid it may seem.... that person may be the one to pull you out of your despair
freakflag
Diamond Member
- Mar 22, 2001
- 3,951
- 1
- 71
Drop out. declare bankruptcy. Change you name. Send a telegram to you parents stating categorically that you are dead. Join the merchant marine and find the love love of your life in some far off exotic port of call.
Or buck the fvck up and study like it means your life.
Or buck the fvck up and study like it means your life.
Drop out and get a job. I've dropped out of college 3 times. I think I'll finish up the fourth time through. Get a job and find yourself, then go back with a fresh perspective.
so bizmark, are you saying that you think all of this was worth it?
So do the rest of you guys think that it would really be that much better if I stuck around and tried to make friends in other places besides dorm areas, and be lonely for a few months, until I make decent friends in the other places??
note: keep in mind i still have an eating disorder, major anxiety issues, depression - problems concentrating and getting my schoolwork done.
i still have things that i got to work through. It's not guaranteed that I'm going to have a blaster after all of this.
Or do you think i'd be happier if I left now, went home, spent time working on my anxiety and eating disorder issues, and depression, and spent time in my town getting better at socializing, worked a full time job for a year,
and then came back to college next year, perhaps at a christian school (where i really wanted to go)
EDIT: some more things I found out:
If I drop out by no later than tomorrow, I get half of my tuition back. (plus I have a scholarship that takes a ton of tuition off, so I probably wouldnt lose much here. For the dorm situation I'd get my food service money back but not my rent.
If I drop out by Oct. 25th i get 25% of my tuition back
As far as grades go I have until October 30th, to drop out and get a Withdrawal for all my classes, leaving no grade mark.
So, any new thoughts?
If I were to stay, what would u suggest I do??? Like most people right now are having fun with floormates, but I have very few, and its too late to go looking on other floors.
Like how would I have fun in the meantime?
who would I hang out with in the meantime? afterall it takes awhile to bond with ppl from clubs and classes, and most of them are probably all too busy hanging out with ppl on their floor.
And how am i supposed to get my schoolwork done?
I get depressed all the time thinking about this, and most of the time it takes hours to accomplish a small task, and now i cant even get hardly anywhere at all.
So do the rest of you guys think that it would really be that much better if I stuck around and tried to make friends in other places besides dorm areas, and be lonely for a few months, until I make decent friends in the other places??
note: keep in mind i still have an eating disorder, major anxiety issues, depression - problems concentrating and getting my schoolwork done.
i still have things that i got to work through. It's not guaranteed that I'm going to have a blaster after all of this.
Or do you think i'd be happier if I left now, went home, spent time working on my anxiety and eating disorder issues, and depression, and spent time in my town getting better at socializing, worked a full time job for a year,
and then came back to college next year, perhaps at a christian school (where i really wanted to go)
EDIT: some more things I found out:
If I drop out by no later than tomorrow, I get half of my tuition back. (plus I have a scholarship that takes a ton of tuition off, so I probably wouldnt lose much here. For the dorm situation I'd get my food service money back but not my rent.
If I drop out by Oct. 25th i get 25% of my tuition back
As far as grades go I have until October 30th, to drop out and get a Withdrawal for all my classes, leaving no grade mark.
So, any new thoughts?
If I were to stay, what would u suggest I do??? Like most people right now are having fun with floormates, but I have very few, and its too late to go looking on other floors.
Like how would I have fun in the meantime?
who would I hang out with in the meantime? afterall it takes awhile to bond with ppl from clubs and classes, and most of them are probably all too busy hanging out with ppl on their floor.
And how am i supposed to get my schoolwork done?
I get depressed all the time thinking about this, and most of the time it takes hours to accomplish a small task, and now i cant even get hardly anywhere at all.
Geekbabe
Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
You need to speak with your parents,sounds like you could benefit from an evaluation and perhaps some medication and a few therapy sessions to help you over this hurdle.People sometimes forget that big life changes like going away to school can be very stressful.
BeauJangles
Lifer
- Aug 26, 2001
- 13,941
- 1
- 0
Sounds kindof like what I went through freshmen year in High School. Although I had a fine (socially) time in grade school, I went to a small private school. And I just found myself being really really really depressed, angry, etc. People generally knew me as a depressed kid. i had made a few friends, but that wasn't the point. I was totally miserable. Sophmore year was the absolute worst. Then, my mom kinda realized what was going on and I started seeing a therapist (not one of those guys who works on a specific clock and tells you, even if your in the middle of something important that your time is up; but someone who i could really trust and talk to). That helped. Then I also started taking anti-depressants. Honestly, they were a godsend. It's not like I walk around every day so happy I can't think, but I feel totally normal. I get sad, angry, etc, but not to the degree that I used to.
Just a suggestion.
Just a suggestion.
well, I don't know. I wouldn't say that it was something I look back on with pleasure, but I can say that I did survive, and I ended up making friends and having fun, despite the down times.
You make a pretty good case for taking some time off, and getting some therapy or something so that you can shape yourself up. Especially if you can't study and stuff. As baffled said, you should talk with your parents about it. You have a scholarship -- will you lose it if you take a year off?
BTW these things can turn into self-fulfilling prophesies. You tell yourself "everybody's already got their friends, and I have none" and that makes you even more closed off, ensuring that you *won't* make any new friends. No matter what you decide to do, at least on a day-to-day basis be on the lookout for chances to talk to people and make friends.
You make a pretty good case for taking some time off, and getting some therapy or something so that you can shape yourself up. Especially if you can't study and stuff. As baffled said, you should talk with your parents about it. You have a scholarship -- will you lose it if you take a year off?
BTW these things can turn into self-fulfilling prophesies. You tell yourself "everybody's already got their friends, and I have none" and that makes you even more closed off, ensuring that you *won't* make any new friends. No matter what you decide to do, at least on a day-to-day basis be on the lookout for chances to talk to people and make friends.
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