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Co-worker and friend died this weekend

P

pinion9

Banned
A friend of mine died this weekend along with her 2 year old daughter. It was in a boating accident. They got stuck under the boat and drowned while her husband was trying to rescue the other children.

I wasn't very close to her (we were work friends) but I liked her very much and have taken this particularly badly. Our whole department is grieving. I want to remember her the way she was, not in a coffin. She is going to be buried holding her daughter, and I don't want to see that.

Is it wrong to skip the funeral and pay my respects at her grave?
 
Originally posted by: pinion9

Is it wrong to skip the funeral and pay my respects at her grave?
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This is one of those cases where you need to do what feels right TO YOU. Don't worry about what others want you to do or think you should do. Grieving is a very personal thing.
 
Originally posted by: DurocShark
Originally posted by: pinion9

Is it wrong to skip the funeral and pay my respects at her grave?
Click to expand...

This is one of those cases where you need to do what feels right TO YOU. Don't worry about what others want you to do or think you should do. Grieving is a very personal thing.
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It isn't wrong at all, but it may be perceived by judgemental people in the wrong way.
 
Do what you need to do man

rose.gif
 
One of my friends died in a car accident when I was 17. It was a pretty bad accident, and after going to the first wake of the three people that died in the accident, I just couldn't go to another one. So I wound up not going to his. I don't reget what I did.
 
Very sad what the husband had to do and is now going through. About the grieving, I would do what I felt was less painful.
 
I still remember when my buddy, Will, died in a car accident, it's been only three months and I still cannot assimilate it quite yet. He was only 18 and he was very, very talented in what he did. I worked with him during the last summer and we got to be pretty good friends. After the summer, I changed sections but we still ran into each other every once in a while. After I learned he died, I didn't know what to do... since I was in another section...I kind of felt isolated but I did what I could, I posted in his guest book on his obituary and expressed my condolences. Afterwards, I went to pay respects at his funeral for a little while. It was truly heartbreaking and I still feel like going down to where he used to work to visit him (especially now since it's summer) and thinking he'll be there. I guess it just takes a long time for me to quiet digest what happened.

Regards

ng
 
It really hits home because she was in her early thirties and her daughter was the same age as my daughter. She actually did one of the ultrasounds on my wife when she was pregnant with our daughter.

Her husband is really beating himself up. It was such a freak accident. It wouldn't have happened this way if the water was warmer, if it happened a month later, if they didn't have the canopy on the boat, if it happened earlier in the day. So many little things and if any one of them were different then it would have been avoided.
 
You could go to the wake and sit in the back without having to see the bodies, sign the guest book, and give your condolences to her family members. You might feel a little better knowing that you made an effort to show your respect for her.
 
Originally posted by: rh71
Very sad what the husband had to do and is now going through. About the grieving, I would do what I felt was less painful.
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If you are close to someone who loses a loved one you generally go to offer your support to that person but if he doesn't know the husband or family I don't think it would be in bad taste to skip out on the funeral.

Sorry to hear of your loss pinion9.
rose.gif
 
Originally posted by: montanafan
You could go to the wake and sit in the back without having to see the bodies, sign the guest book, and give your condolences to her family members. You might feel a little better knowing that you made an effort to show your respect for her.
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:thumbsup:
 
Originally posted by: AnonymouseUser
Originally posted by: montanafan
You could go to the wake and sit in the back without having to see the bodies, sign the guest book, and give your condolences to her family members. You might feel a little better knowing that you made an effort to show your respect for her.
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:thumbsup:
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I was going to say the samething, you could go, and sit in the back. Just not view the casket. Pay your respects, talk to the family members.

Once you decide how you want to handle this, and you do end up going, you'll figure that out once you get there, whether to stay in back, or sign the book and go.
 
Originally posted by: pinion9
A friend of mine died this weekend along with her 2 year old daughter. It was in a boating accident. They got stuck under the boat and drowned while her husband was trying to rescue the other children.

I wasn't very close to her (we were work friends) but I liked her very much and have taken this particularly badly. Our whole department is grieving. I want to remember her the way she was, not in a coffin. She is going to be buried holding her daughter, and I don't want to see that.

Is it wrong to skip the funeral and pay my respects at her grave?
Click to expand...

That is downright creepy. Go to the funeral. There is no rule that says you have to go to the casket (unless you need closure).
 
My condolences to the family, and my sympathies to you. My grandfather died of cancer last summer. His wishes were that there be no funeral. Instead we were to wait a year for a wake which would basically become a family reunion (end of this coming July). He wanted there to be happiness at his remembrance...not grief. I have to admit, I think I'd want the same thing.
 
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