2/3 of children of divorce that marry choose to never have children. That would be the plan but not likely to happen.
Children of divorce marry much later, if at all, well into their 30's or 40's. Thats the plan, I wanted to be established and well into a career before getting married
When a divorce occurs, children cease to experience life as a child. I've raised myself since I was 12
Children of divorce will likely not have their college paid for. Working two jobs and going to school
Children of divorce are at substantiallyhigher risk for drug use, suicide and pre-marital sex. Nope, nope, not enough
Children of divorce associate being happy with impending doom so they work to not appear to be happy. Not really
Children that grow up in intact but seriously dysfunctional families are better off than children of divorce, including families with violent parents. My family is seriously dysfunctional, my parents marriage was violent on both ends, and the divorce was probavly agood thing, it would have been far worse IMHO.
Children of divorce marry much later, if at all, well into their 30's or 40's. Thats the plan, I wanted to be established and well into a career before getting married
When a divorce occurs, children cease to experience life as a child. I've raised myself since I was 12
Children of divorce will likely not have their college paid for. Working two jobs and going to school
Children of divorce are at substantiallyhigher risk for drug use, suicide and pre-marital sex. Nope, nope, not enough
Children of divorce associate being happy with impending doom so they work to not appear to be happy. Not really
Children that grow up in intact but seriously dysfunctional families are better off than children of divorce, including families with violent parents. My family is seriously dysfunctional, my parents marriage was violent on both ends, and the divorce was probavly agood thing, it would have been far worse IMHO.
What that was saying was, children of divorce as less likely to have their college tuition paid for by their parents.
radioouman
Diamond Member
- Nov 4, 2002
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JulesMaximus
No Lifer
- Jul 3, 2003
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I think a more appropriate conclusion would be that most people make bad decisions at some point or many times during their lives. Their offspring are pretty much along for the ride...what the fvck are you gonna do...Stay in a bad marriage because of useless statistics? Or divorce and move on with your life. Which is better for the children? I'd like to see a study on this.
I tell you what, it really messes my kids up when my wife or I have to leave for more then a couple days. I can't imagine if I had to tell them "mommy doesn't live here anymore"
Interesting responses in this thread. For those of you with real-life divorce experience, thank you for sharing.
I wonder if the actual divorce is the main trauma, or whether it's growing up in a one-parent household that causes those statistics. It'd be interesting to compare the "children of divorce" with children who have one deceased parent. Also, what about children who's primary caregiver remarried?
I wonder if the actual divorce is the main trauma, or whether it's growing up in a one-parent household that causes those statistics. It'd be interesting to compare the "children of divorce" with children who have one deceased parent. Also, what about children who's primary caregiver remarried?
ArmchairAthlete
Diamond Member
- Dec 3, 2002
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Where's my premarital sex.... I can do without the drugs just fine though.
This just doesn't make sense....
I'd go along with those though, or at least I think they apply to me heh.
I disagree with ALL of those statistics or whatever they are.
I am a child of divorce, as are my siblings. My Son as well, as I went through
a divorce.
I chose to have a child
I married early
I DID experience life as a child
My college was fully paid for with scholarships and grants
I do not and have never used drugs, considered suicide or been promiscuous
I don't associate being happy with impending doom, I associate it with being
happy for what it is.
Whether in a dysfunctional family or a divorced family, I thik being "better off"
has nothing to do with either scenario.
I also think that book is a bunch of CRAP.
Should you decide to go through with your divorce, good luck with it...its rough, but
you will get through it and so will your children, just be a supportive and understanding parent and be there for them as much as possible.
I am a child of divorce, as are my siblings. My Son as well, as I went through
a divorce.
I chose to have a child
I married early
I DID experience life as a child
My college was fully paid for with scholarships and grants
I do not and have never used drugs, considered suicide or been promiscuous
I don't associate being happy with impending doom, I associate it with being
happy for what it is.
Whether in a dysfunctional family or a divorced family, I thik being "better off"
has nothing to do with either scenario.
I also think that book is a bunch of CRAP.
Should you decide to go through with your divorce, good luck with it...its rough, but
you will get through it and so will your children, just be a supportive and understanding parent and be there for them as much as possible.
Not that you've gotten the point at all...but the point is that children are irrevocably changed when a divorce occurs. Divorce has an impact and we, as a society, are doing it at an alarming rate, without thought to the consequences.
Therefore, staying married for the children is a legitimate strategy.
I think that's the theme of the book. The author goes on to rant and make recommendations to judges and politicians, like making it more difficult to get a divorce. Also recommendations for making marriage more attractive.
Good questions. As to the children of widows, they are better adjusted since their dad didn't abandon them, he died. He's in a better place, etc. The parental abaondonment is hard for kids to overcome.
When a widower remarries (man or woman) there is an adjustment period but it's not looked at as poorly by the children. When a divorced mom remarries the kids are often put lower on the priority list in an effort to make the marriage work. OTOH, some women/men elevate the children to a priority that puts huge stress on the new marriage sometimes causing it to fail. Remarriages fail at a much higher rate than initial marriages.
THanks for sharing your experience. The research doesn't say all kids will suffer from these. I'm glad your experience was different. Thanks also for the encouragement.
meltdown75
Lifer
- Nov 17, 2004
- 37,548
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I can't comment on the book. Here's what happened in my experience.
Parents separated when I was 11-12. Very messy, including a 2 week period where the kids were basically being "hidden" from the father. Try that one on for size and see how it sticks with you. Being hidden from one of your own parents when you don't know what the F is going on - that'll leave a mark. Parents moved back in together after a couple years apart, somewhat restoring a fragile sense of family, but only for a while. Sure, dick me around more. Divorce was made official. Joint custody of the worst kind was implemented - revolving 2-week stays at each household. Boyfriends & girlfriends for each parent to boot, each with their own trash offspring brought into the picture, often living under the same roof. All the while, my parents are constantly competing with one another, trash-talking, and generally acting like idiots. Mom married the first guy she met, an abusive alcoholic that LOVED to wake me up in the middle of the night and scream obscenities in my face while my Mom pretended not to hear, I guess. Many many nights of that sh!t. Saw a lot of crazy damn sh!t I can't even bring up here. My father also remarried but not until he had dated scores of women, each one of them leaving their own little sh!tstain on my psyche. My mother's husband ended up being killed on the job in a gas line explosion (he was a pipeline welder) so I never did get to bring our relationship to resolve, although I did knock his ass out on the night of my sister's wedding. Dad thought it would be nice to invite Mom & hubby over after the reception. Hubby (incredibly drunk again) was convinced that my Dad had allowed my dog in the house so he could attack him. So he grabbed the dog by the lower and upper jaw and began to twist his head. Well my dog let out a yelp and I let out a right hook. My mom was bawling and screaming "I love you". Very chaotic, very ridiculous and left me feeling like some kind of crazy fvck.
Anyhoo, yeah. Way TMI but that is for the sake of the OP - I hope you enjoyed it. I sure as hell did.
As for all the other factors, well they probably all apply in my case. I somehow managed to get a BA, a great job and a fantastic woman who I have been married to for almost two years. If you ever see one of those posts that say, "What are your goals in life" or "What do you want out of life", you might think it's cheesy for someone to say, "A happy home for my children." Read the above and you'll see why it is so important to some people - it's because they never had it and they demand it for their own children.
Divorce sucks ass - everyone whose parents are still together, take the time to thank them for providing you a happy, secure and stable environment to grow up in. My kids (should I ever be blessed with them) will NEVER EVER see or experience the BULLSH!T that I went through growing up.
Sorry for the level of detail but I guess I needed this opportunity to vent. I left out all the crazy stuff anyway.
- Melt
Parents separated when I was 11-12. Very messy, including a 2 week period where the kids were basically being "hidden" from the father. Try that one on for size and see how it sticks with you. Being hidden from one of your own parents when you don't know what the F is going on - that'll leave a mark. Parents moved back in together after a couple years apart, somewhat restoring a fragile sense of family, but only for a while. Sure, dick me around more. Divorce was made official. Joint custody of the worst kind was implemented - revolving 2-week stays at each household. Boyfriends & girlfriends for each parent to boot, each with their own trash offspring brought into the picture, often living under the same roof. All the while, my parents are constantly competing with one another, trash-talking, and generally acting like idiots. Mom married the first guy she met, an abusive alcoholic that LOVED to wake me up in the middle of the night and scream obscenities in my face while my Mom pretended not to hear, I guess. Many many nights of that sh!t. Saw a lot of crazy damn sh!t I can't even bring up here. My father also remarried but not until he had dated scores of women, each one of them leaving their own little sh!tstain on my psyche. My mother's husband ended up being killed on the job in a gas line explosion (he was a pipeline welder) so I never did get to bring our relationship to resolve, although I did knock his ass out on the night of my sister's wedding. Dad thought it would be nice to invite Mom & hubby over after the reception. Hubby (incredibly drunk again) was convinced that my Dad had allowed my dog in the house so he could attack him. So he grabbed the dog by the lower and upper jaw and began to twist his head. Well my dog let out a yelp and I let out a right hook. My mom was bawling and screaming "I love you". Very chaotic, very ridiculous and left me feeling like some kind of crazy fvck.
Anyhoo, yeah. Way TMI but that is for the sake of the OP - I hope you enjoyed it. I sure as hell did.
As for all the other factors, well they probably all apply in my case. I somehow managed to get a BA, a great job and a fantastic woman who I have been married to for almost two years. If you ever see one of those posts that say, "What are your goals in life" or "What do you want out of life", you might think it's cheesy for someone to say, "A happy home for my children." Read the above and you'll see why it is so important to some people - it's because they never had it and they demand it for their own children.
Divorce sucks ass - everyone whose parents are still together, take the time to thank them for providing you a happy, secure and stable environment to grow up in. My kids (should I ever be blessed with them) will NEVER EVER see or experience the BULLSH!T that I went through growing up.
Sorry for the level of detail but I guess I needed this opportunity to vent. I left out all the crazy stuff anyway.
- Melt
Strangely like my own experience. My dad took my two youngest siblings and hid them for a YEAR!!
Other similarities too....thanks for sharing Melt.
I agree with your goal of having a less chaotic life for your kids.
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