Child Custody Advice

[Stiganator]

So here's the situation, my daughter is 2.5 yrs old now. I see her as often as is possible, which is about every other weekend. I go to school several hours away from where her and her mother live. To date I still have not ever had my daughter for more than 4 hours consecutively. Just recently, she has started to let me pick her up in the morning and then bring her back for a nap then pick her up again in the afternoon. I have never been able to have her overnight or bring her anywhere. Being able to see her outside her mother's supervision has only been in effect for around 9 months.

When I brought up starting to take her soon, the mother flipped out. She said I was luck to see her outside of her house at all. She also said I'd be lucky to have her overnight in maybe 5 years. The mother and her family are super Christian, a thing I didn't know when we dated and she subsequently came of child because she was pretending to be all bad girl or whatever. She freaked out on me once when I read the Sorcerer's Apprentice to my daughter, claiming "magic" and the occult.

So, I have had a lawyer draft some visitation papers, nothing extravagant. I have my daughter every other weekend, my birthday, father's day, every other holiday, and a two week block during the summer. Don't get me wrong she's a great mother to my daughter, but she basically isn't letting me be a father which is the problem. I really like her younger brother and her mom and dad are for the most part very nice.

I have a feeling she will freak when I tell her about the papers I had drawn up, how should I go about telling her precisely? Should I say look You've basically shown me over 2 years that you are not willing to work with me so I'm going to have to enforce this legally. Am I doing the right thing here guys?

Cliffs:
1) Daughter is 2.5, haven't ever had her overnight even, 4 hours at a time max.
2) How or should I tell her I have papers drafted for visitation?

 

[Nutdotnet]

Paragraphs are your friend

So are cliffnotes

 

[D1gger]

Yes. You have to do what you have to do to see your daughter.

 

[rise]

yeah, for God's sake, use paragraphs :|

anyway, if you've spoke with a lawyer than i'm sure he is familiar with the "guidelines" courts want to go by, especially at that age. so i'm sure you'd be getting everything you're entitled to, for now.

speaking from experience, if the mother is acting like that now, good freakin luck. do everything in court because she won't ever change and just resents you more for asking for whats yours.

pay your support and do the right thing by your daughter, which is to have your time with her as often as possible.

 

[Johntk5]

Watch out, here it is very easy for the mother to get full custody and the father get nothing, while having to pay every penny of his paycheck into child support. The court system is very much against you. Going into it, the court assumes, you are the bad parent and she is the good parent. You must show otherwise.

 

[mattpegher]

The best thing for your daughter is to have a loving father who is in her life as much as possible. Often this means having the specifics enforcable by law. If your lucky your state may have family mediators to avoid the whole court scene but if not you may have to have a judge decide. Let her mother know that you would be willing to avoid this if she will work out an agreement that is mutually acceptable and that you are only trying to be a father to your child which is what is best in the long run.

 

[altonb1]

I'm not sure I would tell her at all. Have her served...

Seriously, if you tell her in person, you will have a big confrontation. It may be easier to have her served by a court official so she is forced to respond/comply with the summons.

 

[classy]

I have daughter from the same situation and she graduates from high school this year so I have the experience of her entire life. I don't know the situation as in financial responsibilites, but you are easily allowed to be with daughter and there is nothing the mother can do about it, unless there is a criminal past with you involved. You should just go to court and make it legal with a judge signing an order.

 

[Stiganator]

The lawyer said there is a acknowledgment of service I can give her to sign or she will have to be served by the sheriff. She is often verbally hostile towards me for no reason. Do you think it would be acceptable to talk to her about it again this weekend and if she still doesn't budge on the topic say, "Alright, I guess I'll have to deal with this another way." Then have her served a few days later.

 

[AznAnarchy99]

Ill tell you one thing though, being a child from divorced parents that fight in court all the time, it sucks to be the child.

 

[BobDaMenkey]

I think you are doing the right thing to see your daughter, however I wouldn't tell the mother in person. Have her served with the documents, so you don't have to deal with her flipping out in your face over it, and trying to make a huge confrontation out of it.

Edit: ALSO: USE FVCKING PARAGRAPHS!

 

[classy]

Originally posted by: Stiganator
The lawyer said there is a acknowledgment of service I can give her to sign or she will have to be served by the sheriff. She is often verbally hostile towards me for no reason. Do you think it would be acceptable to talk to her about it again this weekend and if she still doesn't budge on the topic say, "Alright, I guess I'll have to deal with this another way." Then have her served a few days later.

Just contact your local family court and get an order signed by a judge. Now just understand this, you will have to pay child support if you go that route, if you don't already.

 

[Stiganator]

I already pay child support and I have never missed a payment. Not even the $4,000 dollar one they sent out since it took them 14 months to get it sorted out even though all the paper work was signed the day my daughter was born. They even had the nerve to claim if I didn't pay the 4K bill in 2 days after receiving it that it would be counted against my credit. Bet they were surprised when I did pay it. My family and I buy all kinds of things for them that doesn't count on child support. I give cards and money for all the holidays and birthdays in their family.

 

[Stiganator]

I don't know if its possible to just go to a judge to have it signed. I think there has to be a summons, no?

 

[classy]

Originally posted by: Stiganator
I already pay child support and I have never missed a payment. Not even the $4,000 dollar one they sent out since it took them 14 months to get it sorted out even though all the paper work was signed the day my daughter was born. They even had the nerve to claim if I didn't pay the 4K bill in 2 days after receiving it that it would be counted against my credit. Bet they were surprised when I did pay it. My family and I buy all kinds of things for them that doesn't count on child support. I give cards and money for all the holidays and birthdays in their family.

Well pops your doing the right thing and no doubt in my mind the court will back you up. I wouldn't even waste my time or energy talking to her, just contact the family court and they will do the rest.

 

[Stiganator]

I was thinking if she started to budge on the subject I would give her 3 months to let me have her for overnight stays. If she doesn't budge I will file. Does that seem fair?

 

[classy]

Originally posted by: Stiganator
I was thinking if she started to budge on the subject I would give her 3 months to let me have her for overnight stays. If she doesn't budge I will file. Does that seem fair?

NO
Dude you are her father and are entitled to see her as much as her mother. You can do what you want, but if I truly wanted to see my daughter, I would have been gotten a court order. In my situation, her mother never gave me any trouble about taking her and keeping her for that matter. You are fulffilling your responsibilites so you don't have to compromise on jack bone. Now here is two schools of thought, if you want the mother back then try to make peace and talk with her, if this about your daughter and only her, just get your court date and let the mother talk to a judge. And trust me as long as your doing your fatherly duties, no judge going to put up with her bs.

 

[Stiganator]

Definitely do not want to be with the mother ever again. I just want to see my little girl. Thanks for the advice guys.

 

[olds]

You should try and be nice to your daughter's mother. You will be working with her for the next 15.5 years at least.
Ask her why she won't let your daughter longer/overnight. If you can't work something out with her, tell her she has left you no option but a legal one. Then serve her the papers.

 

[bctbct]

File the papers, if you tell her she can get a lawyer and make you out to be a bad guy, ie make something up.

 

[KarenMarie]

If you get along with her family, won't they come to your aid in talking to her? Or will that make it worse?

If all else fails, you need to sit her down and explain that you are the little girls father and that you have a legal and moral right to be a constant and frequent part of her life. Tell her that if she cannot accept that, you will have no other choice but to go to court and get those rights.

And I would sue for JOINT custody, not visitation rights. Worse case scenerio, you will get visitation, but if you shoot for joint, you might just get it.

 

[Falloutboy]

yup one thing I learned while going thru my parents divorce ( I was a teenager and decided where I was going to live after the split but my two little sisters were only 9 at the time of the split) that the court is very messed up in these situations. I would go in shooting for joint custody, since you want to be a part in your daughters life you should have some say in that life, and if you x is acting like she is now what do you think she will be doing when the child grows up and starts school and some very important descions need to be made

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

Were you married?

If you were, why didn't you get shared custody in the divorce?

If not, why have you waited so long to formalize your parental rights?

I'm not being critical, I'm just curious. Sounds like you were never married, and if thats the case, then I would think that the sooner you can get shared custody, the better you will be off legally, and the better adjusted your daughter will be.

Another thing to consider is that you should think about how you can protect yourself from your daugter's mother from moving across the country....some sort of non-moving clause. Not sure how those work, but they exist.

 

[Falloutboy]

Another thing to consider is that you should think about how you can protect yourself from your daugter's mother from moving across the country....some sort of non-moving clause. Not sure how those work, but they exist.

defenatly agree with this my dad almost got screwed by this but luckly found out about my moms move early enough to have time to get one of these court orders in place.

 

[Stiganator]

my paperwork has a residency clause, she needs my permission to leave the state. We were never married, I have just been hoping she would come around and we wouldn't have to go legal.

I think I'm filing for joint legal, she retains physical if I recall correctly. Can anyone explain the difference between joint custody and what I would be filing for?