As the <sarcasm>proud</sarcasm> owner of 94 Cav sedan with 56k, I'll have to agree with you on some points.
1) the engine is LOUD
True, my 2.2L is loud even at low rpms.  However the 2.4L DOHGC engine is just obnoxious at 3000rpm.
2) the interior is noisy
My god yes.  Was this thing designed by monkeys?  The console doesn't screw together. It snaps together.  Needless to say it doesn't pop back together anymore and is noisy as hell.
3) the door locks - what were they smoking when they came up with that design?
I assume you're talkiong about the automatic locks.  There has been many a time that I've left the car in drive (with the parking brake on), got out, closed the door, and heard the doors lock.  After the first time I now carry a spare key to the dsoors in my wallet.
4) emergency brake - see #3
I have no gripes with the parking brake on my 94.
5) the shifter - very thin, very flimsy
Again, no complaints on mine.
6) i popped the hood to check out the engine. you CANNOT just gently put the hood down and then gently push on it to close it. you have to lift it up (high), and let it drop.
Haha, so true.  If you neglect to grease the hood latch like I did, getting the hood to shut and latch was such a chore.
7) even the hood squeaked when i opened it
Little bit of grease should fix that.
8) interior - very spartan, not very comfortable
I'm pretty short, and I fit the bucket seats pretty well, so it's ok, not the best car I've sat in though.  It is very plain though, and not appealing to the eyes.
All in all, the cav was bought new in 94, and over the past 7 years, the only major work has been replacing engine mounts, struts, and tie rod ends.  A total of about 14 hours there.  Did the work myself so it didn't hurt the wallet much.  It still rides pretty good, engine and trans are both still solid.  I plan on keeping it until I get out of college and have money, or it stops getting me from point A to point B reliably (of which it has never stopped dead on the road).  It may not be my first choice in cars to get (passed down to me from my mom), but as long as I can depend on it for 2-3 more years, it'll do.