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Chapter 6: Renewed Hostilites (a true tale by your pal, NuclearNed)

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BoomerD said:
For future reference...a gallon of gasoline dumped into the hole does a pretty good job...just don't throw a match into the hole afterwards...the crater can be pretty hard to camouflage later.

(don't ask how I know...and DO NOT do this in a national forest!) 😳
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I do this to the chipmunk holes on my property. I give it a good 15... 20 minutes before I drop the match. Easiest way to find the nearest hole...
 
NuclearNed said:
indeed they suck. And now for the rest of the story...

This story happened on a Friday afternoon. After it happened, I hurt so badly that I quit mowing and went in for the night. The next morning I got up and started mowing again. The original nest was dead from where I had gassed them, but not 50' away I mowed over another nest... thankfully, I got only a single sting.
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You need to mow your lawn in a BSL-4 suit. :biggrin:
 
Two years ago, I had my sailboat parked on the back end of my property. It was beautifully sunny and 80 degrees, so I hooked it up to my truck and drove it 30 minutes down to the boat launch ramp. On backing the boat into the water, fleets of the little yellow fuckers came out - thankfully swimming. None made it out of the water, so I didn't think about it any more (but I did get some strange looks with my boat surrounded by mounds of yellowjackets doing the backstroke).

A little later that day, I got a call from my neighbors. They asked me if everything was ok with my wife. I grew a little concerned. They told me that she was in the back yard, dressed in a snowsuit, winter jacket, winter had, gloves, and a scarf wrapped around her face. She was on the lawnmower. Mowing the lawn.

When I got home I discovered the rest of the story. It seems that the scouts and foragers, upon returning to the (now missing) nest, were a bit pissed. They went after everything in the area, and my wife was the first target. She, being equally as stubborn as the bees, went to the basement and outfitted herself in the appropriate protective clothing, then went out and mowed the lawn.

My neighbor has a picture of her mowing in the snowsuit up on his mantle.
 
Pulsar said:
Two years ago, I had my sailboat parked on the back end of my property. It was beautifully sunny and 80 degrees, so I hooked it up to my truck and drove it 30 minutes down to the boat launch ramp. On backing the boat into the water, fleets of the little yellow fuckers came out - thankfully swimming. None made it out of the water, so I didn't think about it any more (but I did get some strange looks with my boat surrounded by mounds of yellowjackets doing the backstroke).

A little later that day, I got a call from my neighbors. They asked me if everything was ok with my wife. I grew a little concerned. They told me that she was in the back yard, dressed in a snowsuit, winter jacket, winter had, gloves, and a scarf wrapped around her face. She was on the lawnmower. Mowing the lawn.

When I got home I discovered the rest of the story. It seems that the scouts and foragers, upon returning to the (now missing) nest, were a bit pissed. They went after everything in the area, and my wife was the first target. She, being equally as stubborn as the bees, went to the basement and outfitted herself in the appropriate protective clothing, then went out and mowed the lawn.

My neighbor has a picture of her mowing in the snowsuit up on his mantle.
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Too funny. And fortunate noone thought to walk over and ask her what she was doing...
 
Your writing style is very Mark Twainish.

EDIT: At least some parts of it are.
 
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NuclearNed said:
awesome compliment, thank you
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You should follow in his footsteps and write something and send it off to publishers. Get on it, quit wasting your time on the Bee War of 2012.

I bet you could see a copy of whatever you write to nearly every literate member of ATOT
 
NuclearNed, can you play a musical instrument of any kind? If not, you better learn, you are officially declared the Anandtech Bard!
 
Jaskalas said:
:thumbsup: +10, would read again - AND recommend.
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10? I'll give him an 11.

AnitaPeterson said:
Congratulations, you destroyed an entire colony of useful insects, which are sadly already in decline around the world.
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If you've ever mowed lawns, you would know that there was an extreme likelihood that he actually meant wasps, rather than bees. The behavior exhibited in the story indicates wasps. They are *slightly* useful, but more of a liability than an asset to have on areas of your property where you ever travel.

To the OP: What you need are 3 things: 1. lighter. 2. propane torch (I prefer to use a lighter to light the propane torch, and use the propane torch as my pilot light; but you're welcome to skip #2.)
3. Ether starting fluid.

Last time I encountered a ground nest, they were the very spawn of satan of the wasp world: bald faced hornets. My wife was helping me pound fence posts. Apparently, they didn't like a post being driven into the back of their house. I heard a very loud "OWW!" from my wife, and fortunately (for me) recognized instantly what was happening. As she went running down the hill, with the little bastards chasing after her, I froze in place, not drawing their attention. Once all had calmed down, I very quietly retreated to my garage, where I gather the aforementioned three items. With an evil grin on my face, I returned through the pasture to extract revenge for being blamed for my wife's pain.

The little bastards stood there guarding the entrance to their home, a former groundhog burrow. I quietly wondered to myself if the groundhog had abandoned his home and the wasps simply were fortuitous enough to find a ready home for their offspring; or if they simply moved in and told the groundhog "gtfo of here, or else." Had it still been a groundhog residence, I would have fought that battle from afar, using my .22 that's generally ready at a moment's notice for dispatching those cute furry creatures who unfortunately create holes capable of breaking a horses or cows leg, or more importantly, injuring myself and breaking farm equipment. In a way, I would have been like an air force pilot, firing a missile that takes out the enemy from 20 miles away. I like this - the risk to me is minimal.

But not that time. Attempting to take out those wasps, one by one with a .22 from 50 yards away would have been a fools errand. Instead, I had been demoted to infrantry, having to engage my enemy face to face on the battlefield. But still, I was up to the task - I had a technological advantage. You see, ether is flammable. Very flammable. Or to put it another way, in organic chemistry, it was okay for the kid across from me to accidentally detonate the by-product of a nitration of an unknown toluene experiment. You see, his by-product was TNT. He exploded TNT in organic chem lab - ooops, but that was okay with the prof; it was just a mistake that you don't make a second time. But ether? If you *EVER* had an open flame around when you were using ether, you automatically failed the course and were thrown out of lab.

I imagine that as I lit the lighter, those little guards were thinking "you don't frighten us, you stupid person who runs away from a single sting." As I light the propane torch, they were probably thinking "shit's gonna hit the fan! A few of us are going to die, but we're going to sting the hell out of you." But then, I pointed the can of ether starting fluid toward the nest. They never had time to think about that. I sent them instantly back to hell from whence they came. A couple seconds of what amounted to a flame thrower, and even the roots underground inside that burrow were on fire. Victory was mine.


edit: ether beats hairspray or anything else of that sort by a mile: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oaWBZ9RrsA
 
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Grow a brain Nuclear Ned, if you are at war with bees, outsmart them.

I mean I mean, what do bee keepers do? Simple, they cover themselves with protective small mesh clothing. I ask how hard would that be to adapt it to your mower. And then you could safely tease the hell out of your bees with perfect impunity. Even better yet, you could park your mover right over the hole with the blades running, you can have a very effective bee decimator as they all rush out to attack you.

Oh well, what can we say, Nuclear Ned is not smart enough to outsmart a bee. And if I were Nuclear Ned, I would live in terror. Because if I could not our smart a bee the average bird brain bird would present a far greater challenge. For your next bed time story Nuclear Ned, please view Alfred Hitcock's movie about the birds first. Then think of birds as small but vicious T-Rex's out to get you.

Of course I have no reason to brag here, I always thought birds were harmless until I took a vacation trip to Australia. And here I was, hiking in the outback and minding my own business when I stepped on a Ostrich nest and broke an egg. Suffice it to say, Mamma Ostrich kicked the shit out of me with multiple blows to my head. I don't recon I have been in my right mind ever since. But shortly thereafter I signed up for an Andand tech account.
 
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KaOTiK said:
NuclearNed, can you play a musical instrument of any kind? If not, you better learn, you are officially declared the Anandtech Bard!
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no musical ability at all. I'll have to take some lessons.

...and in other news, my wife noticed something in my story that nobody at ATOT has apparently noticed. Specifically, there is a pop culture reference. When she mentioned it, my heart swelled with pride - she's absolutely the perfect wife.
 
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Yellow jackets are fair game anywhere you find them.

Bees - leave them alone.

I am immune to bee stings; same as a skeeter bite - yellow jackets will explode my ear into a good size apple.

the second nest may have easily been an underground bunker for the first; given the proximity. Need to clean out the second nest also; they will have a memory on who did in their band of brothers.
 
EagleKeeper said:
Yellow jackets are fair game anywhere you find them.

Bees - leave them alone.

I am immune to bee stings; same as a skeeter bite - yellow jackets will explode my ear into a good size apple.

the second nest may have easily been an underground bunker for the first; given the proximity. Need to clean out the second nest also; they will have a memory on who did in their band of brothers.
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I gassed both nests... I just hope there aren't any others that I accidentally find.
 
My son has a run in with bees last week. His grandfather took him to the park and apparently there was a hive in one of the playsets. He got stung once and started to cry, by the time my dad got to him the bees were swarming. He picked him up and ran to the car. Son ended up with 3 stings while my dad had over 12. For some reason I laughed while my dad was telling the story while I was applying some Benadryl gel on the stings. Now my son is paranoid of bees when he's outside, bees being any flying insects to him.
 
SandEagle said:
i've never been stung by a bee. does the sting fall out or do you have to use a needle to get them out?
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Depends on the bee. The only time I remember the stinger staying in was when I got stung once by a honeybee. Usually what I get are yellowjackets, which can sting multiple times (i.e. they don't rip off their butt when they sting)
 
NuclearNed said:
indeed they suck. And now for the rest of the story...

This story happened on a Friday afternoon. After it happened, I hurt so badly that I quit mowing and went in for the night. The next morning I got up and started mowing again. The original nest was dead from where I had gassed them, but not 50' away I mowed over another nest... thankfully, I got only a single sting.
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i think your thread cursed me. this weekend my son got tagged twice, once on the shoulder blade then on the finger, ive never knew he could run so fast, im pretty sure he would have got a gold medal for the sprint. lol then yesterday my wife got nailed on the top of her foot. I found the nest it was in my old Kenmore grill.

its all out war now.
 
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OutHouse said:
i think your thread cursed me. this weekend my son got tagged twice, once on the shoulder blade then on the finger, then yesterday my wife got nailed on the top of her foot.

its all out war now.
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This confirms my worst fears - the yellowjacket apocalypse has begun.
 
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