Catholic Wedding w/ mass-What to expect?

[SphinxnihpS]

My wife and I are atheist and are going to my brother's catholic wedding (with mass). What kinds of religious stuff can I expect to be forced to partake in (specially for her because she is a die hard atheist and has already started complaining)?

I am best man and my wife is strictly a guest.

Besides praying, I think they do communion? Is that it? Do they try to give communion to guests? Is the proper way to refuse it to cross your arms to your collar bone?

Also how long is it going to be? Every wedding I've been to has been about 1/2 hr but I read catholic weddings are generally 3/4 to 1 1/2 hr. Is that about right?

Thanks.

What does being an atheist have to do with not knowing anything?

 

[nickbits]

What does being an atheist have to do with not knowing anything?

What does your post have to do with anything?

 

[Aikouka]

It's really not that big of a deal. I've been to religious weddings and funerals, and you just go through the usual motions and ignore the majority of the religious things. Although, I recall taking communion once; I wanted to try the cracker. :$

 

[lupi]

pretty douchey of you over your brother's wedding.

 

[BurnItDwn]

If it is not your religion, you sit when they sit and stand when they stand. However, when they kneel, you sit.

When I go to services for other religions, I look at it as an educational experience and theatre. If you have the right attitude, it can be interesting and entertaining.

Also, you attend a wedding not for yourself, but for the bride and groom. If you are not going for that reason, stay home. If you are going in with a negative vibe, you might as well not attend, for the benefit of yourself and the others in attendance.

MotionMan

This
I am pretty much a strict atheist, but Ive been do a dozen weddings or so over the years, some Lutheran, some catholic, as well as a couple of secular weddings.

Even if you or your wife may think that "faith" is another synonym for "stupid", you need to just grin and bear it. You're going to try to help make your brothers big day memorable in a good way, and you are there to support him. While this is indeed a sacrifice, it's a worthy sacrifice for family.
Stand up sit down stand up sit down.... etc...

 

[ichy]

You don't even have to kneel if the spirit doesn't move you. Folks choose not to kneel for a variety of reasons (arthritis, bad knees, heathens, fat, etc.) The priest won't stop the service and throw you out for just sitting there.

Bingo. The one time I went to mass I chose to remain seated during the kneeling bits and nobody cared. The only thing that matters is not taking communion if you're not Catholic.

 

[zinfamous]

is this a troll post? just go to the wedding, participate, and don't be a dick about it. It's merely ceremony. If you didn't believe that any of it meant anything, then participating wouldn't suddenly make that belief less true for you, would it?

or are you just an "atheist?"


seriously people: grow the fuck up.

 

[ichy]

I was checking to make sure my wife had minimal things she could complain about and I resent having to participate in anything religious, so yes.

Someone call a waaaahmbulance.

Stop making yourself out to be some sort of victim of persecution. Millions of non-religious people go to wedding ceremonies every year, it's one of those social courtesies that you grin & deal with, especially if it's your sibling. It's pretty obvious that you started this thread as someone who wanted to get up on his atheist high horse (and I say that as a devout non-believer myself.) If you really wanted to know what a Catholic wedding ceremony is like a simple google search would have given you a plethora of answers.

 

[AstroManLuca]

I've been to a couple of Catholic weddings and funerals.

The last two that I remember each lasted exactly one hour. There was a lot of sitting, standing, kneeling, singing, and praying. I sat and stood with everyone else. I didn't kneel, sing, pray, or bow my head. I did not walk up and do communion, but neither did at least half of the people there. There's no pressure to do any of that stuff if you're not Catholic - remember, to a lot of people, Catholicism is practically a different religion from other Christian sects. At no point did I feel unwelcome or out of place.

I basically just sat quietly and tried not to fall asleep. Luckily, the priest at the funeral had a strong Indian accent and it was amusing when he kept referring to the deceased as a "veddy nice lady" (of course I kept a straight face).

 

[DCal430]

Your wife can you use small wireless head phones and just listen to music and instead of the mass and wedding.

 

[quikah]

Your wife can just sit quietly and wait for it to end. You on the other hand may need to do some extra stuff. Pay attention during the rehearsal.

Depending on the church you may be spending your entire time at the front of the church, so it will look pretty goofy if you don't follow the rest of the party with the kneeling/sitting/standing. Also you need to work out with the priest about skipping you for communion. It is also common for the best man and the maid of honor do the readings (read some verses from the Bible). This would be up to the bride and groom who they want to do it and what passages are read.

Finally, as the best man you will need to tip the altar boys/girls after the wedding. I am not sure what the going rate is these days (or if they still allow tips, might depend on the church), maybe $20 each?

 

[SphinxnihpS]

What does your post have to do with anything?

Well let's see...

I do not subscribe to anyone's idea of god, but I know about all sorts of customs, rituals, philosophy, and history from all sorts of religions, and despite not putting any credence into any of their metaphysical aspects, can partake and enjoy them for what they are to me, someone else's important traditions. That's common sense, common courtesy, and most of it comes from the kinds of basic human social interaction that well-rounded individuals pursue.

My first comment is smarmy as hell because I find your general attitude on the subject smarmy as hell.

I appears from your OP, and subsequent posts that you find the entire idea of celebrating the the joyous occasion of marriage in a religious setting distasteful and something to suffer through, and probably think less of anyone who would possibly place any stock in faith or custom in this day and age. You also make your wife out to be a complete twat.

You have no class.

 

[nickbits]

Someone call a waaaahmbulance.

Stop making yourself out to be some sort of victim of persecution. Millions of non-religious people go to wedding ceremonies every year, it's one of those social courtesies that you grin & deal with, especially if it's your sibling. It's pretty obvious that you started this thread as someone who wanted to get up on his atheist high horse (and I say that as a devout non-believer myself.) If you really wanted to know what a Catholic wedding ceremony is like a simple google search would have given you a plethora of answers.

I googled and posted here simultaneously. I have found my answers, yet this thread keeps continuing.

Also I am not on a high horse, I am not really even atheist. My wife is and I find her irritating whenever she talks about it. I consider my religion as "none".

 

[ichy]

Your wife can you use small wireless head phones and just listen to music and instead of the mass and wedding.

I bet you're a real blast to have at a party 🙄

 

[ichy]

Also you need to work out with the priest about skipping you for communion.

I can assure you he won't need to work anything out. The rule is simple, no communion if you're not Catholic.

 

[DCal430]

I bet you're a real blast to have at a party 🙄

Personally if someone doesn't want to listen to religious propaganda they shouldn't have too.

 

[ichy]

I appears from your OP, and subsequent posts that you find the entire idea of celebrating the the joyous occasion of marriage in a religious setting distasteful and something to suffer through

In fairness most wedding ceremonies ARE something that most people suffer through (does anyone actually enjoy the ceremony?) but if it's an hour for someone you care about then you deal with it. If this were one of those four hour ordeals that some of the more obscure Eastern Orthodox churches do then I wouldn't blame the OP for wanting to bail, but a one hour ceremony is hardly an excessive sacrifice when it's your brother's wedding.

 

[ichy]

Personally if someone doesn't want to listen to religious propaganda they shouldn't have too.

It's not propaganda, it's a wedding ceremony.

You're clearly the type who gets greater joy from pissing in other people's cheerios than from celebrating their happiness, but those of us who aren't sociopaths are happy at other people's joyous events.

 

[zinfamous]

Personally if someone doesn't want to listen to religious propaganda they shouldn't have too.

personally, no one should have to read your chinny posts if they don't want to.

are you fucking serious? wtf else do you expect to hear at a wedding held in a church? do you think it is somehow appropriate to request your friend or sibling to move their wedding to some "neutral" setting to accommodate your unbridled ignorance?

wtf is wrong with people....you all justify the ave religious person's intolerance of atheism with your profound arrogance.

 

[nickbits]

Well let's see...

I appears from your OP, and subsequent posts that you find the entire idea of celebrating the the joyous occasion of marriage in a religious setting distasteful and something to suffer through, and probably think less of anyone who would possibly place any stock in faith or custom in this day and age. You also make your wife out to be a complete twat.

You have no class.

I hate all weddings, religious or not. Also I think people are blowing my comments way out of proportion.

 

[quikah]

I can assure you he won't need to work anything out. The rule is simple, no communion if you're not Catholic.

seriously? they don't card you. ANYONE can go get communion.

He should let the priest know that he won't be taking communion. Depending on how that church does it for the wedding party he may not have the option of sitting it out.

 

[ichy]

seriously? they don't card you. ANYONE can go get communion.

He should let the priest know that he won't be taking communion. Depending on how that church does it for the wedding party he may not have the option of sitting it out.

I know, but I'm sure the priest has dealt with plenty of wedding party members who aren't Catholic. Nothing special to work out.

 

[zinfamous]

I hate all weddings, religious or not. Also I think people are blowing my comments way out of proportion.

well, your OP is a bit odd. I don't think it's entirely obvious from that first post that this is far more your wife's problem than it is your problem.

:\

 

[Triumph]

seriously? they don't card you. ANYONE can go get communion.

He should let the priest know that he won't be taking communion. Depending on how that church does it for the wedding party he may not have the option of sitting it out.

I can pretty much guarantee you that if you tell a priest that you aren't able to take communion, he will NOT give it to you. You won't have the option of being included, you'll HAVE to sit it out. The priest is not going to break what is a pretty sacrosanct rule within the church just to appease the wedding planner. I can't think of any catholic priest that i know that would knowingly allow this, since it is the single most important sacrament in the catholic church.

and sure, anyone can physically go get communion, but the church does not consider you permitted to do so if you aren't a catholic in good standing (you have to have received the sacrament of first communion, you have to fast 1 hour before communion, and you have to have not committed any mortal sins since your last confession, those are the formal requirements IIRC).

 

[Jadow]