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Can't believe I'm posting about this, but... (re: parents)

I

imported_Tomato

Diamond Member
My wonderful loving mother, who never ever EVER writes me e-mails, just sent me this:

"I hope one day you will understand your roots. Where you come from. Our hope to you to be a decent human being with good value, good moral, and respect. We are hoping one day you will come and tell dad and I you understand what we mean. We are waiting and we love you.

Mom"

I know my sisters probably found the pictures on my xanga, freaked out, and showed my parents. Not cool, since they've always been ultra-conservative... they go to church every Sunday, read the Bible, don't believe in drinking/sex before marriage/associating with people of a "lower class"/etc.

I've disappointed them time and time again... by accept a lower-paying job to get some worldly experience instead of diving straight into grad school, by (previously) dating a breakdancer without a job/car who lives with his parents, and by dressing up as a slightly more risque Little Bo Peep and sharing the pictures with friends.

My mother was so upset about the Halloween pictures that she cried about it, and my family is "ashamed of me." I'm 23 years old... on my own, paying my own bills, taking care of myself (meagerly, but I'm getting by)... yet I still feel horribly guilty for living a lifestyle deviant to the one they would like me to.

Have any of you experienced anything similar with your parents, in terms of the way you want to live vs. the way they want you to live... and for those who are older, looking back, were your parents right/wrong, and are you happy you made the decisions you did?

It's kinda open-ended, but... yeah. *sigh* Feelin kinda bummed.
 
Don't be bummed, baby. I still love you.
rose.gif
 
What is the back story with you and your parents?

When you turned 18 did you high tail it out of there and move to a different state?
 
dezign, dont worry about it....at least your not out selling your ovaries or something crazy like that 😉
 
My suggestion would be to ignore it, it will go away.

My dad once stumbled across some posts I made on Heather's forums (rather profane rants, prolific use of my favorite four letter word, a few off color references, nothing too major). He sent me a nasty e-mail telling me how ashamed he was of me, etc.

I just ignored it, & it blew over.

Same thing when I got my ear pierced, when my g/f stayed at my house for the first time, etc.

They will get over it.

Viper GTS
 
Originally posted by: Jetblade
What is the back story with you and your parents?

When you turned 18 did you high tail it out of there and move to a different state?
Click to expand...

I was kicked out at the beginning of the summer of my freshman year, but ended up reconciling with them after 4 months. I love them and they love me, but our beliefs/values/morals are so disparate, it's almost impossible finding common ground save for he fact we're family. I'm extremely liberal, they're extremely conservative, etc. etc. After graduation from college, I packed up my belongings and headed out to LA... still here now, not living out of a cardboard box.
 
You're normal and I would consider sucessful. You're on your own and enjoying life. Don't let other's expectations get you down.
 
Originally posted by: Dezign
Originally posted by: iwearnosox
Don't be bummed, baby. I still love you.
rose.gif
Click to expand...

Thanks... I just wish my parents would be as forgiving. *sigh*
Click to expand...
It's your parents job to disapprove of your choices in life and yours to defy them and go your own way. It's the way of the world, the way it's been since time began. Don't fight it.



 
Originally posted by: Viper GTS
My suggestion would be to ignore it, it will go away.

My dad once stumbled across some posts I made on Heather's forums (rather profane rants, prolific use of my favorite four letter word, a few off color references, nothing too major). He sent me a nasty e-mail telling me how ashamed he was of me, etc.

I just ignored it, & it blew over.

Same thing when I got my ear pierced, when my g/f stayed at my house for the first time, etc.

They will get over it.

Viper GTS
Click to expand...

Thank you, Viper. I hope it's sooner rather than later... I know they'll get over it, I just wish they'd accept me for who I am as opposed to trying to change almost every aspect of my life (thought process, preferences, actions, etc.). Thanks for reading, I was just sad/frustrated.
 
if that happened to me, i would go to them and tell them that i understand everything and that i already have good morals, etc etc. and that morality is relative.
 
How horrible. You're not pregnant, barefoot, and at home cooking for your man.
You should be ashamed of being well-adjusted (uhm, except that you post here), self sufficient, and willing to explore other opportunities.

You make baby jesus cry, too.
 
Originally posted by: Dezign
Have any of you experienced anything similar with your parents, in terms of the way you want to live vs. the way they want you to live... and for those who are older, looking back, were your parents right/wrong, and are you happy you made the decisions you did?
Click to expand...

Parents always have higher expectations of their children. Even higher than the ones they place on themselves, unfortunately.

Looking back, I believe there are several things I would have changed/did differently. Things my parents wondered about, why I was doing this or that. No one is ever right or wrong, because it is your life. They cannot live it for you, they can only have expectations.

The ultimate outcome is how much you learn from your decisions, good or bad.
 
Well, they have certain expectations and when you did those things you should remember they were your choices. I'm not saying its all your fault, because being limited a lot in early ages can cause this outburst in later years. As for the choices, I don't know what to say. Would you want your children to be doing the same?

If you really want to make them feel proud, change your style just a bit. Not a lot, and slowly but soon, you'll see their response. You may want to "start a new life" if you wish to do so, maybe focus a little more on your job and financial/moral standpoint a bit.

These are just suggestions, and I am in no way saying this is all your fault, or that everything you're doing is wrong. All I'm trying to say is that in order to gain more respect by family members, you'll have to adjust some. Also, if you ever don't understand their reasoning for something they choose, ask them about it, don't just follow or rebel without knowing why. The more you understand their reasoning behind things, the better choices you can make based on what they say and what you think is right.
 
Originally posted by: gopunk
if that happened to me, i would go to them and tell them that i understand everything and that i already have good morals, etc etc. and that morality is relative.
Click to expand...

Ahhh, if only they understood that. My father is a programmer... he's always seen things as blatantly right or wrong, good or bad, etc. etc. They're very opinionated and very stubborn... it really isn't any use arguing, and the mere fact I would even argue about it would upset them more. Guess I won't be going home for Thanksgiving/Christmas this year. *sigh* I'm not allowed around my sisters (kinda the "black sheep" of the family) because they're afraid I'll be a bad influence on them... and when they found out I was engaging in premarital intercourse (at the age of almost 19), my mother would do my laundry in separate loads when I was home. She was afraid I would taint those of my sisters'.
 
It's nice that you're in the position to be able to tell your parents to kiss off when it's appropriate. Try not to worry about it too much.

I hate moral uptightedness.
 
Originally posted by: jamautosound
Originally posted by: Dezign
Have any of you experienced anything similar with your parents, in terms of the way you want to live vs. the way they want you to live... and for those who are older, looking back, were your parents right/wrong, and are you happy you made the decisions you did?
Click to expand...

Parents always have higher expectations of their children. Even higher than the ones they place on themselves, unfortunately.

Looking back, I believe there are several things I would have changed/did differently. Things my parents wondered about, why I was doing this or that. No one is ever right or wrong, because it is your life. They cannot live it for you, they can only have expectations.

The ultimate outcome is how much you learn from your decisions, good or bad.
Click to expand...

Well said. Do you mind if I asked what things you would have changed/did differently?
 
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