A few things..
You're really not doing any favors by dissing people that are trying to help and offer suggestions. Remember that we're all here to help out. Most of us run networks of our own and understand very clearly that the reason that rules and TOSes are put in place is for the greater public good, not to serve the random desires of the individual. Sounds very trekkie, but it's true.
When you call up to report a service problem and a bounced e-mail, what do they do? Fix it, or just take note? If you keep complaining and can demonstrate a history of problems with a service you have every right to escalate it within their support organization until it's working properly. You're paying for the service, they have an obligation to provide it to you.
If all else fails and you don't like their service, it's a free country. Cancel your subscription and get a DSL line or go back to dial-up.
In any case, if you really what to do what you're trying to do, here's the ONLY way to make it work.
1: Get yourself a domain registered.
2: Find someone to host the DNS record for you
3: Get someone to setup the MX records for that domain to their mail servers or mail relay hosts
4: Get that mail server configured to forward all e-mail to your own SMTP server that you build on your own network.
#4 is optional. If someone else is going to host your domain and route your e-mail, you might as well have them store it for you and you just grab it via POP3 from your client(s), unless there's a reason you need to have a mail server locally. If you skip step 4, you're not doing anything against your TOS - You're just choosing another mail provider besides your ISP.
This all will, of course, cost money. Nobody is going to do your DNS, MX records and mail routing unless you either know them or pay them.
- G