Can you please help settle an absurd argument with a friend?

[Descartes]

I'm going to do my best to articulate both sides of the argument in a lucid manner, but please ask for clarification if I'm unclear.

I have a friend who has openly stated that he doesn't like definitives, so his responses to almost any question has a great deal of equivocation. "Maybe", "possibly", and "most likely" seems to precede any response. This might seem like a legitimate response, because there certainly are times when other plans, tentative or confirmed, might interfere; however, he has also stated that he has no plans, and that the only possible encumbrance in his being there would be the unforeseen. Rather than simply say yes or no, he equivocates, and it leaves my schedule in a state of uncertainty as a result. It seems obvious enough that circumstances beyond control might interfere with your plans (e.g. a car wreck), but what value is there in being so noncommital?

I think that's enough explanation for now. I'd appreciate it if even a few of you could give me your thoughts. I realize it's a trite argument, and I normally don't concern myself with them; however, he has the gift of getting me sufficiently annoyed to take action.

 

[CRXican]

I too would be annoyed and have a friend that sometimes pulls the same crap.

 

[PanzerIV]

He is what is know as "wishy washy." In other words it's a personality trait and one I unfortunately see in myself a lot. I hate commiting..lol.

 

[Atomicus]

He has a role in politics with his unsure/uncertain answers.

"Possible terrorist attack" this and that. Tell him to cut the bullcr@p and act like an assertive individual.

In response to him, tell him you'll possibly/most likely kick his buttocks :frown:

 

[Electric Amish]

I do the same thing because I don't want to give false information. I am married, so things can come up that I don't know about.

 

[Chronoshock]

Seems like your friend is a strong literalist. You have several options...one is to annoy him by pointing out how his answers are full of definitives (he definetly thinks something unforseen is a possibility?) and just keep at it until he sees how absurd he is. Either that or tell him how speech is not meant to convey absolute truth and he should speak what he feels to be the case rather than what actually is the case. Final option, punch him in the stomach and stuff him in a trash can.

 

[Atomicus]

So when you're applying for the job, you're going to tell the interviewer "I will most likely take this job if I get the thumbs up". I don't think so; they're going to look for the next guy who also qualifies but says "I will definitely take the job".

 

[Ogg]

Im not sure if I can help, possibly........I plan on it but something unforeseen may occur in the interim. Ill very likely get back to you on that.
thanks

 

[lakefire]

He does that incase something better comes up than what you had planned he can go with that option. At least that is why I give wishy washy answers to friends.

 

[jjones]

I'd advise he pursue a career as a politician.

 

[Kipper]

Example?

 

[Descartes]

Thanks everyone.

I can appreciate being noncommital in certain circumstances, but we have been friends for 10 years. This isn't the same as giving a tentative confirmation for lunch with a colleague. I could also understand if he had something planned that might interfere, but he assures me that there is not. I conclude that he's just being spiteful, but he refuses that as well.

There is simply no value of such responses to close friends. It's implied that something might happen that could interfere, and that's the case with everyone.

 

[3chordcharlie]

take away his man card.

 

[Descartes]

Originally posted by: MadCowDisease
Example?

Was that a question for me?

Me: "Lunch at 11:30?"
Him: "Maybe", "Most likely", "Possibly", or some equally uncertain response.
Me: "I need to know as I need to make plans, so what plans do you have that might interfere?"
Him: "None, but you never know what might happen."

As a friend he seems to continually want to test my patience. I'm pretty close to simply never asking again.

 

[PanzerIV]

Originally posted by: Ogg
Im not sure if I can help, possibly........I plan on it but something unforeseen may occur in the interim. Ill very likely get back to you on that.
thanks

LOL.

 

[neovan]

he's a passive person. just say, "MAKE UP YOUR FVCKIN' MIND!!!"

 

[kranky]

More important than what he says is what he does.

When he gives you the non-committal response, is he still showing up for whatever was agreed upon, or does he regularly blow you off, using the "I said maybe" as a justification?

If he regularly doesn't show up when you agreed, then it's not that he gives non-committal answers, it's that he's unreliable. If he shows up even though you got a "maybe", then ignore the "maybe"s and know that you have made definite plans.

But if you never know what to expect, because sometimes he shows up and sometimes he doesn't, and whenever he doesn't he plays the "I said maybe" card, your friend is rude and he clearly doesn't care how much you are inconvenienced. You are always going to be Plan B, only to be used when something better doesn't come along to fill the Plan A position. Personally, I could not tolerate that. I can handle friends who are always late, but not a situation where you never know if they are going to show up.

 

[randomlinh]

Originally posted by: neovan
he's a passive person. just say, "MAKE UP YOUR FVCKIN' MIND!!!"

 

[DannyLove]

Wow, i'm already annoyed by him. How can you continue talking to this person? He must screw up all kinds of plans.

danny~!

 

[vood0g]

Originally posted by: Chronoshock
Seems like your friend is a strong literalist. You have several options...one is to annoy him by pointing out how his answers are full of definitives (he definetly thinks something unforseen is a possibility?) and just keep at it until he sees how absurd he is. Either that or tell him how speech is not meant to convey absolute truth and he should speak what he feels to be the case rather than what actually is the case. Final option, punch him in the stomach and stuff him in a trash can.

i think this is a good approach at it. also, if you've been friends for 10 years, you can use your own past experiences with him to make a judgement. in the past, has he consistently kept his plans with you or does he consistently sell you out. if it is the latter, then you know you cant count on him. however, if he does keep plans that he makes with you even with all of his "maybe's" then it really shouldnt matter what he says.

most of the time, i tell my friends "most likely, unless something comes up." and they understand that "something" means my family (i have two daughters). they trust that i wont sell them out just because i feel like it, but rather, it is something really important for me not to uphold my plans.

 

[memo]

i thought you were my friend there for a second i used to do this and he approached me about it. they way i used to feel about it is that if i say "maybe" or "possibly" that if i show up and it sucks it's not my fault. i.e.

Him: hey wanna go try to deal drugs?
Me: maybe

if it turns out that it sucks then it won't be my fault, right? right? Anyway, yeah it is totally lame on my part but I hardly do it anymore because I just tell them yeah I'll be there because if something DOES come up I know I can call them and say, hey can't make it, something happened. As long as it doesn't happen all the time they'll still be my friend. the above dialogue is fictional and not base on a true story.

Also, what was said above is true, that sometimes i did that just incase something better would come along. This was before I became a good friend and came to realize that if you commit to something you should not try to hold out or back out for something better.

 

[nakedfrog]

Was he born in October by any chance?

 

[Mill]

Originally posted by: CRXican
I too would be annoyed and have a friend that always pulls the same crap.

 

[J0hnny]

Wow, you have incredible vernacular for a forum post.

Although, it almost sounds pretentious the way you write/speak. I hope you don't speak the same way you write.

 

[biostud]

Do the same as with spoiled children. You set the dates and if it doesn't fit him you'll ask him to come up with some better.