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Can I get a guy's view and

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Originally posted by: KarenMarie
I am sorry that you are feeling hurt...

I dont know how old you are... but I wanna ask this....

Are you spending all this time thinking of him and hoping he will call, checking email and laying awake... etc... or are you just wondering if he is doing these thing to pine for you?

If oyu are doing the same thing... then why not just call or email? I mean, if things were so serious that you thought you would spend forever together... then it must have been serious enuf not to give up on over a fight, right?

There is no harm making the first move... at least you will know for sure, and know that you did all your could insteas of playing the 'what if' thing. And if he is really over it, you will know it for sure and can move on once and for all.

Good Luck.
🙂
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Well I think the problem is with him.

Unfortunately, immature idiots always exist... why? It is just the way it is and there is nothing you can do to change it. Some people are just like that and the best thing you can do for yourself is to read the signs and rid them from your life. There is no other way.

What matters is that you don?t let them bring you down. You are a realistic sort of lady so judging from their behaviour, you have to determine whether they are worth the trouble or not.
 
Originally posted by: Skoorb
He may be sad, but there's a great chance he now feels free, like a ball and chain has been cut off his ankle. I'm not saying that to upset you, but that's how a lot of guys are when a relationship finally ends. Especially if he was sick of arguing or felt like you were clingy or prevented him from doing things like going out with friends, playing video games etc.

Anyway, based on what you said about the relationship it's for the best for both of you.
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Agreed. In a relationship, generally, one person is more hung up on the other person than the other person is on them.

The question is really more, what's it like on the "other" side since you seem more like the one who got dumped. A guy would feel almost identical to you unless he was cold-hearted.

So he probably is mostly concerned that you're going to be okay. But, beyond that, he's probably relieved.

On the other hand, you are 10x as likely to pick up a healthy/happy new relationship in the future than he is. Guaranteed.
 
Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
Originally posted by: Skoorb
He may be sad, but there's a great chance he now feels free, like a ball and chain has been cut off his ankle. I'm not saying that to upset you, but that's how a lot of guys are when a relationship finally ends. Especially if he was sick of arguing or felt like you were clingy or prevented him from doing things like going out with friends, playing video games etc.

Anyway, based on what you said about the relationship it's for the best for both of you.
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Agreed. In a relationship, generally, one person is more hung up on the other person than the other person is on them.

The question is really more, what's it like on the "other" side since you seem more like the one who got dumped. A guy would feel almost identical to you unless he was cold-hearted.

So he probably is mostly concerned that you're going to be okay. But, beyond that, he's probably relieved.

On the other hand, you are 10x as likely to pick up a healthy/happy new relationship in the future than he is. Guaranteed.
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If you let him compromise your freedom to give others the benefit of the doubt, you have already let him win and he does not deserve to have such power over you. The fact remains, he was only acting ?sincere? and you got hurt because of it. You still have the choice whether to let him hinder your life or not.
 
If you're really trying to remain anonymous, you might edit your profile so it doesn't show your full name and city/state. Just a suggestion.
 
Since your relation lasted so long so dont take this one as BREAK. Leave EGO and everything would bounce back,, he must be just waiting for the call, the mail and everything but being a BOY his INNER self doesnt let him take the first step. Go ahead and always rem.... Its better to leave ego than the one whom you love.... good luck.. PM once patched uup
 
It sounds like you probably told him you wanted him to do something and if he didnt you would break up and now you are suprised he didn't change. Quit playing childish games.
 
Originally posted by: dfinder
Since your relation lasted so long so dont take this one as BREAK. Leave EGO and everything would bounce back,, he must be just waiting for the call, the mail and everything but being a BOY his INNER self doesnt let him take the first step. Go ahead and always rem.... Its better to leave ego than the one whom you love.... good luck.. PM once patched uup
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Mind if I send a few PMs to you also? I'm also sad about :brokenheart:

But it doesn't look like it will be patched up 🙁
 
Originally posted by: Bryophyte
If you're really trying to remain anonymous, you might edit your profile so it doesn't show your full name and city/state. Just a suggestion.
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I already PMed them that. You know, private? So everybody doesn't see it? 😉
 
I can't offer much more than what's already been said...

I'll echo the sentiment that if you're the one who's yearning, chances are he's the one who is not.

Either way, try to find a way to be strong and hold your chin up. Be tough and have some pride - heartbreak sucks, I know that much. Best of luck in the future.
 
I can tell you that guys often feel just as bad as you appear to be feeling after a breakup. I am in the middle of a divorce from someone I have been with since I was 18. I feel a little lost most of the time. It is very hard not to call her or e-mail her, and I definately don't feel relieved yet even though I know it is the right thing.

If it weren't for my job, I would probably dwell even more on it which would be pretty bad as it already hurts quite a bit.
 
If you really care about him, call him and tell him you want to get back.

If you don't want to be with him, its better to not know what he's doing and just move on with your life. Just do things that will keep him off of your mind.

All this sounds easy, but I know its tough. It'll get better with time. GL.
 
Instead of asking why don't you do a search on YAGT. You will get literally hundreds of hits and be able to read about all the crying and agony ATOT guys go through.


Oh, and this should be tagged YAGT (Yet Another Guy Thread).
 
Originally posted by: Skoorb
He may be sad, but there's a great chance he now feels free, like a ball and chain has been cut off his ankle. I'm not saying that to upset you, but that's how a lot of guys are when a relationship finally ends. Especially if he was sick of arguing or felt like you were clingy or prevented him from doing things like going out with friends, playing video games etc.

Anyway, based on what you said about the relationship it's for the best for both of you.
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amen to that
 
Originally posted by: MartyMcFly3
Different strokes for different folks. No way we can tell what he's going through. Some break up and move on the next day, others take a long time to get over it, some even years.
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This is a great response:thumbsup:
 
Originally posted by: MX2times
Originally posted by: MartyMcFly3
Different strokes for different folks. No way we can tell what he's going through. Some break up and move on the next day, others take a long time to get over it, some even years.
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This is a great response:thumbsup:
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What you have to understand is the fact that hope can work both ways, depending on how you choose to focus it. It can give you the strength and motivation you need to keep going no matter what, or it can make you miserable, something we like to call false hope, which is why we cannot only listen to our hearts... we must listen our minds, too you see, a balance we always require, yet sometimes when we are so in love, we inevitably forget.

Do you think it is realistic to hope for a future with him when he is willing to hurt you like this? Do you think it is fair to yourself when you keep giving to someone that is not returning the selfless love you give? Do you think it is logical to keep holding on to him?

Just some of the questions you might want to ask yourself... use your answers to determine what you need to do. You have two choices here: either you keep hoping for something that will never happen or you focus your hope on something better, a brighter future for yourself.

But let me ask you this. Since he is not providing you the love you long for, don?t you think it is time to stop wasting your energy on him and give yourself all the attention you need? I mean you have suffered so much already... don?t you think you deserve something more?

As for the guy, if it is going to be a date, then no, it is definitely not a good idea for you to go hiking with him, especially when he is showing interest in you because it would be unfair. Plus, you cannot use someone to make yourself feel better since not only is it selfish, it will compromise your individuality at the same moment.

If you want what is best for yourself, you need to learn to depend on yourself because what is best for you is you. We are not always going to have people to depend on unfortunately, which is why it is vital for us to learn to give ourselves the crying shoulder we need, you know?

Until you think you are finally ready to date again, then date, but if it is just as friends, that is definitely not a problem.
 
Originally posted by: dabuddha
BTW it's kind of obvious who you are.
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her name and hometown are listed in the profile



(profiles can still be viewed even if you set it so that the little magnifying glass thingy doesn't show)
 
Originally posted by: FoBoT
Originally posted by: dabuddha
BTW it's kind of obvious who you are.
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her name and hometown are listed in the profile

(profiles can still be viewed even if you set it so that the little magnifying glass thingy doesn't show)
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oh, oh....tell me. Which of you is Ben Matlock and which is Angela Lansbury? 😉
 
Most guys feel bad for a few minutes after a breakup, until they realize they can now chase that girl they been wanting to get to know for the last couple of months, but couldn't because they were in a relationship.
 
Originally posted by: GymGirl
🙁 I signed up under a new name so I can be unrecognizable. Here's the story. My boyfriend and I have been together since May 2004. We've pretty much gotten along great in every way, which adds to the sadness and makes it so hard. It's a long story, but a couple days ago we decided to break up, over things that we ought to be able to work out, but I think we both just got tired of trying. We planned to spend our lives together, we talked about it all the time. It's like when we did argue, it's was fatal - we would "end" the relationship immediately, not talk for a day or two, then get back together. But this time it looks like it's for good... and I can accept that but I am so sad.

Here's what I am wondering - what is it like on the guys side? I know what I am going through (as a girl), but what is he feeling? Is he sad? Does he want to pick up the phone and call me as bad as I want to? Is he checking his email constantly like I am? Is he checking his caller ID when he gets home? Is he laying in bed wishing I would call? Or is he just settled into the fact we are over and he will never hear or see me again... and that is fine? He appears that way. Not a word from him, no trying to convince me differently, etc. Will it eventually hit him in a few days that he misses me and then he might call? Does it hit right away, or does it take a few days to settle in with guys? Is he miserable or loving his new freedom?? I am dying to know what the guys go through after a breakup, and will it be this way forever - to never hear a word from him again? I sure wish he would have put in some effort to try to change my mind! (BTW: Neither of us had any outside influences of other people... if you know what I mean)

Help - can someone tell me what a guy goes through after a breakup??
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Lori Gurr of Littleton Colorado, is that you?
 
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