Can anyone explain WHY premarital sex is considered immoral?

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StormRider

Diamond Member
Mar 12, 2000
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Because, if we dont base our beleifs on reason, what do we base our beliefs on? If I tell you "hot air ballons flaot because of magic" will you believe it with no rational explanation?

Just out of curosity, what is the level of your mathematical sophistication?

Mathematical systems are based on something called axioms, definitions and a set of logic rules (what you called sound reasoning) from which we can derive new theorems and other true statements. We cannot prove these Axioms -- we just accept them as being true (most of them seem so obviously true). No matter what, we always start off with statements that we cannot prove.

Doesn't this seem surprisingly similar to the concept of faith?

So, when you think about it, all of our beliefs (whether you are religious or not) are made up of hot air! ;)
 

StormRider

Diamond Member
Mar 12, 2000
8,324
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<< Yes, I predict my future wife's sexual drive will dramatically increase because I'll be so good in bed! hahaha >>

Remember, practice makes perfect.



Can't I just practice on my new wife? ;) I've certainly had enough practice with myself. :)
 

OutHouse

Lifer
Jun 5, 2000
36,410
616
126
Was this act immoral?

Genesis
19:30 And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.

19:31 And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:

19:32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

19:33 And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

19:34 And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

19:35 And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

19:36 Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.

19:37 And the first born bare a son, and called his name Moab: the same is the father of the Moabites unto this day.


 

StormRider

Diamond Member
Mar 12, 2000
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Do you buy a car with out test driving it.

Actually, I've bought all my cars without test driving them! Surprisingly, I liked them all. The reason I don't test drive them was because I was afraid I would drive them poorly in front of the salesman because they were manual transmission (didn't want to stall or stutter the engine as I started moving!) I always drive a new manual transmission car poorly until I get used to the &quot;feel&quot;. :)

you do buy clothes without trying them on

I never try on cloths. I'm too afraid there is a hidden camera in the dressing room and someone will take pictures of my flabby body and put it on the internet!
 

StormRider

Diamond Member
Mar 12, 2000
8,324
2
0
Was this act immoral?

Genesis
19:30 And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.


Ewwww. Maybe it wasn't then but it surely is now! lol ;)
 

Jamestl

Senior member
Sep 10, 2000
391
0
0
A question to those who believe that pre-marital is wrong.

Do/did you require your future/present spouse to be a virgin?
 

notfred

Lifer
Feb 12, 2001
38,241
4
0


<< Was this act immoral?

Genesis
19:30 And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.

19:31 And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:

19:32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

19:33 And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

19:34 And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

19:35 And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

19:36 Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.

19:37 And the first born bare a son, and called his name Moab: the same is the father of the Moabites unto this day.
>>




Yes it was immoral, but more because of the daughter's deception of thier father than anything. Also, this is a fairly poor example of premarital sex. What percentage of premarital sex involves both rape and incest, really?
 

RossGr

Diamond Member
Jan 11, 2000
3,383
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I see premartial sex as one issue, it has been around for a long time, one well known instance something over 2000yrs ago, if it is followed by marriage then it is not my business.

Promiscuity is a different issue. I have one word as to why that is bad. AIDS
 

StormRider

Diamond Member
Mar 12, 2000
8,324
2
0
A question to those who believe that pre-marital is wrong.

Do/did you require your future/present spouse to be a virgin?


No. It actually doesn't matter to me. There are good and bad points. If she is a virgin, then I'll be worried about bleeding (nothing will cause me to lose my erection faster than seeing blood on my penis).

If she is not a virgin, then I will be worried if I compare poorly with her other partners. On the other hand, it would make me happy if she chosed me even after being with other men. Anways, I'm 37 years old so I doubt any woman near my age would still be a virgin.

I liked what Clark Kent (who was a virgin) said to Lois (who was not a virgin) on the TV show &quot;Lois &amp; Clark&quot;. When Lois asked him if it bothered him that he won't be her first he said something like, &quot;I might not be the first, but it will be the first time for us together.&quot;
 

notfred

Lifer
Feb 12, 2001
38,241
4
0


<< Because, if we dont base our beleifs on reason, what do we base our beliefs on? If I tell you &quot;hot air ballons flaot because of magic&quot; will you believe it with no rational explanation?

Just out of curosity, what is the level of your mathematical sophistication?

Mathematical systems are based on something called axioms, definitions and a set of logic rules (what you called sound reasoning) from which we can derive new theorems and other true statements. We cannot prove these Axioms -- we just accept them as being true (most of them seem so obviously true). No matter what, we always start off with statements that we cannot prove.

Doesn't this seem surprisingly similar to the concept of faith?

So, when you think about it, all of our beliefs (whether you are religious or not) are made up of hot air! ;)
>>



There's a fundamental difference between between these two scenarios -

Let's take a math example: 1+1=2
even though we cant prove WHY 1+1 =2 we can, in almost every case see that the result of adding 1+1 is two. You have 1 car, you buy another car, you end up with 2 cars, you have one cat, you get another cat, you have 2 cats, etc. This has been shown to be accurate by personal example in every case I've ever seen (I can think of one example otherwise in chemistry, but that has another explanation)

However, if you take the example of &quot;having sex before marriage is bad&quot;
You dont have the same universalizeablity. Say two people have sex, they have a kid, the father leaves, the kid, with no father becomes a gang member, and ends up on death row for murder. This is a BAD sitution stemming from a situation of people having premarital sex.

However, lets say two people have sex, eventually, the woman gets pregnant, she has a son, who is supported by both his mother and his father (who still aren't officially married) Eventually, this child's parents are able to afford to send him to Harvard. He graduates from Harvard with honors and goes on to discover a cure for cancer. If these two people,who were never married, hadn't had sex, people would still be dying of cancer. I'd consider this a GOOD outcome from a situation involving premarital sex.

You see the distinction? If EVERY (or even the overwhelming majority of) premarital sexual incounter ended up like the first situation, it would be easier to see that premarital sex is bad, without needing proof, however, that's not the case.

As far as my math background - I've taken 2 semesters worthof college calculus.
 

Viper GTS

Lifer
Oct 13, 1999
38,107
433
136
Do you buy a car with out test driving it.

God I hate that argument.

Why do cars exist? To be driven.

Why do you get married?

If it's to get your dick sucked every night, your marriage is going to be sh!t anyway.

Viper GTS
 

Isla

Elite member
Sep 12, 2000
7,749
2
0
Stormrider, you really are a cool guy... some woman is going to be lucky to have you one day. :)

The Mister was a virgin when we got married and he always planned to marry another virgin but he wanted me, and I had already been married, had a kid, and divorced at the age of 22 when we met.

It did cause some problems but mostly due to insecurity on his part. He's way over it now! Real life has a way of showing you what is really important in the end, and while virginity is a special thing to give your mate, being virgins does not mean your marriage will be 'better'.

Edit: good one, ViperGTS! :D
 

b0mbrman

Lifer
Jun 1, 2001
29,470
1
81
I really don't know. What's more, it seems to be one of those things that covers many religions/cultures.

It seems the most animal-like thing to do would be for us to have loads and loads of partners. Why are we going against our instincts in this case?
 

syzygy

Diamond Member
Feb 5, 2001
3,038
0
76
its not the sex. its love. learning to love and sustain love is the ultimate test.
love is the foundation, the root of all the feeling and regard you have for your
partner, that mitigates the natural weakening and changes that occur to all of
us. this love should not be sexual.
 

MustPost

Golden Member
May 30, 2001
1,923
0
0
a long time ago, if a man had sex with a woman and she got pregnent the baby had the best chance of surviving if the father stayed around to care for it / get food for it. Thus if a woman would only have sex after the man had promised to stay with her, the chance of her baby surviving would be much higher.
Thats why for a while it was not considered wrong to mary more then one woman if a man had the money to take care of them all and all the children he would have.

Morals are based on nessisity.
 

Red Dawn

Elite Member
Jun 4, 2001
57,529
3
0


<< If it's to get your dick sucked every night, your marriage is going to be sh!t anyway. >>

If people waited to have sex before they got married there would be a lot people getting mattied just for that reason. Any way, that's what mistresses are for.
 

Viper GTS

Lifer
Oct 13, 1999
38,107
433
136
Morals are based on nessisity.

So if I'm starving, I rob somebody, &amp; kill them in the process...

Am I morally responsible for killing them?

Viper GTS
 

Aihyah

Banned
Apr 21, 2000
2,593
0
0
well u probably don't have to kill someone to get enuph to eat.. could probably just shoplift from a store if u were that desperate.

morals are based on the necessity of the society at whole:p just just of the individual:p
 

StormRider

Diamond Member
Mar 12, 2000
8,324
2
0
There's a fundamental difference between between these two scenarios -

Let's take a math example: 1+1=2
even though we cant prove WHY 1+1 =2 we can, in almost every case see that the result of adding 1+1 is two. You have 1 car, you buy another car, you end up with 2 cars, you have one cat, you get another cat, you have 2 cats, etc. This has been shown to be accurate by personal example in every case I've ever seen (I can think of one example otherwise in chemistry, but that has another explanation)


Actually we can prove that 1+1=2 from our axioms. It seems you are basing what you believe by what you think or &quot;clearly see&quot; to be true. Math has no such restrictions. You can assume some things (which we called axioms or postulates) to be true and build up a complex mathematical system from applying rules of logic. The things we call axioms are usually so obviously true and cannot be proven from other axioms (if they can be proven from other axioms then they are called theorems). Axioms are like &quot;atoms&quot; of the math world -- they are the basic building blocks.

For example, in a branch of mathematics called Euclidean Geometry, one of the axioms is something like &quot;Given 2 infinite parallel lines, they will never intercept&quot; (it's been a long time since I took this course so I might be a little off on specifics).

This seems so obviously true. Mathematicians were surprised that this statement could not be proven by the other 3 simpler axioms that made up Euclidean Geometry. With those 4 axioms you could prove every theorem that you encountered in your high school geometry course. Newtonian Physics was based on Euclidean Geometry. It seemed to model the real world.

However, since it's an axiom this means it cannot be proven true or false (even though it seems obviously true to us). Therefore, it's perfectly permissible to consider it to be false. If you consider that statement to be false then you enter the branch of mathematics known as Non-Euclidean Geometry. With the 3 axioms of Euclidean Geometry (not including the axiom that states that &quot;2 infinite parallel lines will never intercept&quot;) you can prove a bunch of theorems. In the Non-Euclidean Geometry world, parallel lines can intercept!

Guess which branch of mathematics is a more accurate model of the real physical world? It's Non-Euclidean geometry! The Theory of Relativity is based on Non-Euclidean geometry.

Anyway, my original point is that these axioms are unprovable. We accept them on faith (some of these axioms actually seem false -- 2 parallel lines intercepting at some point). This is no different than someone accepting God on faith.

Incidently, the logician and mathematician Godel once proved under any logic/mathematical system, we can always come up with statements that cannot be proven true or false. In other words, logic cannot answer all our questions. There will always be questions where logic will not be able to answer. When I first read about this, I realized how stupid Vulcans are to base a society entirely on logic. ;)


However, lets say two people have sex, eventually, the woman gets pregnant, she has a son, who is supported by both his mother and his father (who still aren't officially married) Eventually, this child's parents are able to afford to send him to Harvard. He graduates from Harvard with honors and goes on to discover a cure for cancer. If these two people,who were never married, hadn't had sex, people would still be dying of cancer. I'd consider this a GOOD outcome from a situation involving premarital sex.

You see the distinction? If EVERY (or even the overwhelming majority of) premarital sexual incounter ended up like the first situation, it would be easier to see that premarital sex is bad, without needing proof, however, that's not the case.


It seems that you are missing the point that I (and others) were trying to make. Have you carefully read the posts from people like isildur and others? I don't want to repeat everything but I thought their arguments were very clear.

We are claiming that pre-marital sex should be considered bad behavior (or immoral) because it promotes an environment where multiple sex partners are the likely outcome. We do not want a society where the average number of sex partners is too high (because the risk of disease, out-of-wedlock births etc increases with more sex partners).

To me the connection between pre-marital sex and multiple sex partners is very obvious. Let's say we have an official rule of behavior that says it is okay to have pre-marital sex as long as you love this person. Sounds reasonable. Let's say a guy has sex with his first love. How many cases do you know where the guy marries the first girl he has sex with? Very few from my experience. What does this imply? This guy probably has had sex with a few other women before he finally settled down. So this policy does not discourage having multiple sex partners.

However a policy of &quot;waiting until you are married before you have sex&quot; does discourage having multiple sex partners.

These moral codes should not be used to judge an individual. They are only general rules that we as a group should strive for.

Now I know a lot of you guys will say, &quot;This is not a realistic rule! No one can live by those rules. We should replace it with something reasonable!&quot; It's true, I don't expect a lot of people to actually be able to achieve these goals. But these rules are something we should strive for. Just because it's not realistic to expect everyone to get an A, does that mean we should replace the rule of &quot;go for an A&quot; to &quot;go for a C&quot;?

I really think the real reason why a lot of guys want to dismiss many religious and moral codes is to ease your own guilt. However, I can think of two possible ways to ease your guilt:

1) Change the rules.

2) Keep the rules (because this is what all of us should strive for and it makes for a better society). Accept the fact that we are human and that most of us will not able to live up to these moral codes but not feel guilty. What we should do is just try our best to live by these rules.

When you think about it, isn't choice #2 really what Jesus is all about? From what I've heard, God knows we are human and unable to live by these rules. But that's okay. He sent his Son to die for our sins so we can all go to heaven if we accept his gift? Is that the correct interpretation?
 

troglodytis

Golden Member
Nov 29, 2000
1,061
3
76


<< Let's take a math example: 1+1=2 >>



don't forget 1 dirt pile + 1 dirt pile = 1 dirt pile



why is it that people think that if you only have sex to your married partner you will only have sex with one person? tis not always the case. many people get married multiple times in thier lives these days. via divorce/remarry, widowing/remarry, or paligamy one can have multiple sex partners in life and still only have sex to thier marrige partner.
 

StormRider

Diamond Member
Mar 12, 2000
8,324
2
0
Stormrider, you really are a cool guy... some woman is going to be lucky to have you one day.

Awww, shucks. It's Clark Kent the cool guy! He's the one who said those words to Lois! ;)

The Mister was a virgin when we got married and he always planned to marry another virgin but he wanted me, and I had already been married, had a kid, and divorced at the age of 22 when we met.

It did cause some problems but mostly due to insecurity on his part. He's way over it now! Real life has a way of showing you what is really important in the end, and while virginity is a special thing to give your mate, being virgins does not mean your marriage will be 'better'.


That's actually one of my concerns if I ever get married. I don't want my insecurities (and I have a lot of them! :p ) to actually become self-fulfilling prophesy. :)
 

StormRider

Diamond Member
Mar 12, 2000
8,324
2
0
why is it that people think that if you only have sex to your married partner you will only have sex with one person? tis not always the case. many people get married multiple times in thier lives these days. via divorce/remarry, widowing/remarry, or paligamy one can have multiple sex partners in life and still only have sex to thier marrige partner.

Why do people think exceptions negate the validity of a statement about group averages?

In general, most people get married fewer times than the number of girlfriends they have had so if people only have sex with their married partners, it seems logical to conclude the average number of sex partners a person has would decrease.