I used to work at an account full of mechanical and electrial engineers (a large diesel engine manufacturer), so I've got some good ones . . .
1. Customer complaint - "The copier is saying to close the front door when it's closed." I go out, check it, and discover that the plastic tab that closes the 24V interlock switch is broken off. Have to replace the entire front door. I go to the key operator, explain the problem, and tell her I'll order the door. Machine will be down until the next day. Her boss says, "Well, can you fix it so that we can use the machine?" I explain that the interlock is there for his safety and if I rig it to work I'd be in violation of company policy. No problem, right? I get back there the next day. The broken front door has been torn off, and a screw has been threaded into the interlock switch to get the machine to run. :|
2. "My machine is running slower now." I go talk to the customer; they say the machine is not running as fast as it was. "Jamming, you mean?" No, it's not jamming. It's just slower. So scratching my head, I start my stopwatch and time it as it runs. Perfect. I explain to her everything is running fine. If it's not jamming, that means the timing is correct, as a clock pulse is used in conjunction to sensor actuation to detect jams (in layman's terms, of course.) She later calls and requests a like-for-like, because her machine is slowing down. It's a little tabletop machine, and she needs something faster. It is, unfortunately, the fastest tabletop we make. We gladly replace it with a faster machine - on a stand. She then complains that it's taking up too much room . . . agh.
3. "Hey, the copier won't turn on at all." I walk in the front door - squish. The carpet is soaked with water. I knew this was going to be bad - but I had no idea. Water main. Directly over the copy machine. Broke on Saturday. On Memorial Day weekend . . . I looked at the machine, said, "Yup. It's broken. Call me in two weeks when it dries out . . ." The machine actually worked after I cleaned the rust out of all the bearings and clutches.
4. "I can't print to my damn machine! It's a piece of sh!t!" Hmm. Borrow the customer's workstation. Ping . . . works. Tracert . . . works. Interesting . . . check NETBEUI printer address - "//dcs480/xerox".
LMAO. (the slashes are supposed to be \\, FYI.)
5. "Hey, we're getting a fuser fault . . ." Sure enough, the machine isn't warming up. Open the clamshell, check to see if the heat rod lights - nope. OK. Check the first wire . . . looks good. Walk around to the back of the machine, pull the cover off.
!!!! There's a fvckin'
RAT in there! A little crisp after getting 120VAC @ 20A, too . . .
6. "My glass is broken!" Of course, when this happens, the machine jams - and generally unless the offender knows, the incriminating picture of whatever broke the glass sticks inside . . . I have seen a) an engine block, b) and extremely hairy male a$$, and, weirdest of all, c) a fondue recipe. The ring in the middle of the cookbook punched through the glass when the lid was lowered . . .
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