Calling all techs!! What is the worst call or work order you have had or seen?

[Creepster]

Just to get the ball rolling :

Work Order Problem description -- "Customer pee'd on unit"

 

[snakesnfrogs]

LMAO---I hope the idiot didn't get the problem fixed

 

[Cooltech2k]

Worst one would be tuff, but the funniest ever was a printer that was over ejecting media & & Sending paper 15 feet across the room. While the tech (a friend of mine) was setting the printer for repair the customer decided that he wanted to see how fast a transpariency would shoot through & Than decided to catch it as soon as it came out so that it diddnt hurt anyone. well it actually cut both his palms all the way to the bone on both hands. The Customer Politely said "ya know I Think I am gonna call back after I go to the hospital & Dont work I Wont sue you guys & Just feel really fscking stupid right now"

 

[Creepster]

Actually, a manager put on rubber gloves and fixed it. Billed the heck out of him, tho. hehe

 

[GoldenLion]

:Q:Q:Q:Q:Q!

 

[Demon-Xanth]

"It broken" I've gotten that one about 100 times. There's 4 calibration systems that I maintain. Lucky for me there is a guy working the systems that is willing to work stuff out over the phone now (it's both faster _AND_ easier!)

Edit: I'll give you $100 for that printer! A friend of mine had a CDROM that would lose track of it's speed, spinup way too fast, then eject the disk. At which point the CD would go flying around the room. I never got to see the sucker in action though

 

[perry]

I called up Lexmark to do a RMA on a impact printer we had laying around.. Tech answered, I described the printer and serial number and all that jazz. Then he asked me what the problem was. Put on my best southern accent, "It be broke and I dun know what's wrong!!! Help me fiss it!" I could tell the guy was doing his best not to laugh at me..

 

[Cweeks]

I have too many to list but here's my favorite one.

A lady calls helpdesk and asks Whats my name ?
I say Your mom did not tell you ? Long pause, then I say Have you looked at you emplyee ID lately ?
User hangs up.
User calls back an hour later and says HA HA very funny, Whats my login name ?
I say whats your name ? ( I need her name so I can look her up in Netware administrator)
User says I'm not sure
I say your not sure of your name ?
She hangs up..


She never called back..

 

[MrBond]

Little kids have a habit of trying to "play" sandwiches in VCR's. Sony makes one with a lockable door now I've seen . One of my buddies said when his little brother was younger, he peed on the VCR for some reason or another.

I had a call once where a guy was having DNS problems. I walked him through the steps to get a DOS prompt up, and told him to ping www.yahoo.com. I waited a couple of seconds, and asked him what he saw on the screen. His response?

"Oh, I'm not at my PC now. I'm writing this down."

Which normally wouldn't have been bad. Except I had told him he should be at his PC.

There was the woman that called up asking to be connected to the internet, and when I asked her what version of windows was on her computer, she told me "Oh, I don't have a computer". I asked about a WebTV, and she didn't have it either. I guess I was supposed to beam the internet directly into her mind or something. We haven't quite perfected THAT yet.

Then there was the person I was trying to get connected to the 'net. I asked them to start up Internet Explorer, and they said nothing was happening. I finally discovered they were clicking on Internet Explorer, and then the Start button to get it to run. Thank God for the Mute button on the phone.

Viper GTS always has good support stories

Just thinking about working tech support makes me glad I didn't go for a career in computers.

 

[trmiv]

Any call ever at my job. I hate my job.

 

[tigerbait]

My friend peed on his Dell after he came home drunk one night. Nothing was damaged. I laughed my ass off though.

 

[Burn]

Probably the one where the lady thought she could scan images into her computer by pressing them onto the screen of her monitor. She called telling me that the scanner I sold her didn't work. Took me like an hour to figure out she was talking about the monitor.

Then there are the 600 million people who call saying that their computer won't boot. I ask them if there is a floppy in the floppy drive and they say no. So I driver out to their place and charge them $50 to take the floppy out...lol

 

[XNice]

Thanks guys, I really needed that laugh. These are almost as good as www.jonnyguru.com 's rants. Check it out, if u think this is funny, then well make sure u have inhalers around.

 

[Doboji]

I had this one guy call and here's pretty much the dialogue that happened:

(in mid-western slooow accent)I recieved my CD with yer software... and it ain't working!

Ok sir, first I'd like you to take a look at your CD and see if there is any physical damage on the CD. (9 times out of 10 the software got screwed in transit)

Well there ain't no damage no more.

No more?... Was there damage before?

Well yeah... but I jist scotch taped it back together...

ID10T error!

-Max

 

[tigerbait]

This girl I know had just gotten a new computer, and she was trying to connect to AOL. She called me up, and told me her computer was broken, and asked if I could take a look at it. I had to explain to her that modems actually function a little better when they are plugged in to a phone line.


Another girl was a little more brave in her computer endeavors. She had just moved into the dorm, which had ethernet. She went to Office Depot, picked up a NIC and installed it. She calls me asking where to hook up the cable. "In the back of the machine, on the card you put in," I replied. She said she couldn't find it. Puzzled, I went over to her place, and I almost died laughing. She managed to wedge in the PCI card without removing the metal cover that blocks the slot. It took alot of effort to wiggle that card out of there without breaking it, I don't know how she got it in there. She was quite embarrassed.

 

[GTaudiophile]

I love these rants! Thanks for providing me with some laughs!

I especially love this site with the AOL prank calls.

 

[Cweeks]

I've spent hours reading this site.
Computer Stupidities

 

[Viper GTS]

Hmm...

How about the old lady who worked for over an hour taking her monitor apart to install a DSL "modem?"

Or the guy that insisted I should copy the installation software onto floppy disks so his CD-ROM-less 486 could use a modem with a minimum CPU requirement of a P166.

Or the customer that ended up replacing two hard drives & two modems because he was receiving duplicate modems on occasion. The worst part? One of our techs suggested it.

Or maybe guy who was losing $1,000 every 5 minutes on a <$100 a month DSL line.

Or maybe the company that had three buildings on one site. Each building had one PC. Each PC had one DSL router, one DSL line, &amp; one ISP account. Their use for the DSL? Transferring files between computers at night. $210 a month for something that didn't need a service provider at all.

Or maybe the company whose network admin left them without completing their network installation. After working with him for a couple hours, one of our techs finally figured out what he had done. Every PC had two network cards. There were two hubs. One network card from each PC went to hub #1, one network card from each PC went to hub #2. Their server was connected to hub #1, their DSL router was connected to hub #2. Their admin needs to die.

Obviously I've been doing this too long.



Viper GTS

 

[bigredguy]

my senior year o fhigh school i did tech help for my schools tech coord.

one time we got a call that the cafeteria printer was not working. i go up there and a 3-4 inch long cockroach had crawled in there and the lady had printed it out, but part of it had gotten stuck and left a big cockroach smear across each page. this is our cafeteria, if there is a cockroach mushed in the printer imagine whats in the food.

 

[Pretender]

<< my senior year o fhigh school i did tech help for my schools tech coord.

one time we got a call that the cafeteria printer was not working. i go up there and a 3-4 inch long cockroach had crawled in there and the lady had printed it out, but part of it had gotten stuck and left a big cockroach smear across each page. this is our cafeteria, if there is a cockroach mushed in the printer imagine whats in the food. >>

I want to know wtf they need a printer in a cafeteria for? The roach is irrelevant, they're everywhere, but a printer? That's just not right...

 

[miniMUNCH]

How about the fella who tried to use his voice recognition software with out a micro-phone.

 

[Viper22]

Best ones so far:

From one of the other stores our supervisor got a call that they needed to order a new panel for this guys system among other parts because there were bullet holes in it :Q

We have had systems with Cat or Dog Urine in and on them. Rubber Gloves always.

We gets tons of others i just cant remember them at the moment.

Viper22

 

85 year old couple and DSL.
Do you know what a phone cord looks like? Oh the one with two flat prongs?

Thats all I have to say.

 

[Ulfwald]

One time I got a service call to go out to a house and fix a computer that continued to lock up. When I arrived at the &quot;house&quot; ( a trailer that was up on blocks) &quot;Jethro&quot; met me at the door. He was about 6'1&quot;, and 130 lbs, White tanktop teeshirt and stripped boxers. I walked into the house to find his wife, (5'1&quot; and about 300+ lbs) and his half wit inbred son sitting infront of the TV watching a tractor pull. Well there was enough smoke in the house to send most healthy people to the hospital for smoke inhalation. The computer was in the back room, covered in dirty smelly clothes, I &quot;exhumed&quot; the unit, and took it out to my truck where I could breathe. I cracked the case, only to find thick, tar and nicotine laden dust covering everything. I begin cleaning by removing each compenent and laying in on the back of the truck and pouring alcohol into a tray and letting it soak. Now here is the good part: I remove the Celeron processor only to find a decapitated palmetto bug stuck in the heatsink and fan (the head was in the heatsink). About this time, &quot;Jethro come out to ask how llong it will take because his membership at his um, er &quot;private site&quot; will expire, and he needs to download the latest &quot;movie&quot;. I take the case to the sink inside, and wash it with soap and water. Once done, all compenents and the case is dried and blown off using about 6 cans of compressed air. I get everyting back together, throw an extra case fan in there, as well as an exhaust fan. I plug all the wires and cables back up to the PC, and begin checking the hard disk, Jethro had about 6 gigs of his 8 gig hdd filled with all kinds or porn. I told him that I could install a 2nd hdd for $200.00 more, ( the hdd only cost me 30.00) and set it up so he could use that to store his &quot;movies&quot;. Cash only though. He paid, I set it up and got the HECK OUTTA DODGE!!!. Plus, based on the &quot;movies&quot;, I never sat in the chair he had in that room.

Final cost of service call $550.00, total time there 2.5 Hours

 

[Schlocemus]

Ulfwald: ROFLMAO!