Burning questions

[MaxDSP]

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up
with, "Quit while you're ahead?"

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands
on beer cans.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole
lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me . . . they were
cramming for their finals.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny
spoons and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps
toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they
just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen
could look for them while they delivered the mail?

Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of
portraits by Picasso.

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly
are the OTHERS here for?

STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Clones are people two.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women
there, is he still wrong?

No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
zigzag?

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Think "honk" if you're telepathic.

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next
door went nuts.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is
that considered a hostage situation?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?


Hopefully that brightened someone's day

 

[wnied]

Whatd you do? Save up a months worth of "e-Joke of the days" and reprint them here?

~wnied~

 

[MaxDSP]

Easier...just copied and pasted the list from an e-mail.

 

[kamiam]

1. ex fed up
2. true
3. moonbeam
4. no, like pepsi personnel drinking coke,lipton tea employees will be terminated for drinking coffee
5. pink
6. since the majority of beer drinkers are men it would make little difference
7. untrue,they are just trying to appease their higher power before judgement day
8. you are correct
9. also never argue with your plastic surgeon
10. the reason is criminals are lonely too
11. to use you
12. exactly 1 mile deper
13. and god spelled backwards is dog
14. you forgot to add "drive with a woman"
15. edit..."two squared"
16. only according to women
17. their too busy beating on each other
18. if you are vague you are insulting someone
19. twice as fast
20. and the future is never what you expect
21. if you have laryngitis yell fire in a theatre
22. if you play your stereo full blast the deaf mute next door will scream out in pain
23. yes,furthermore if that person completes the act the "cats have 9 lives" rule applies
24. no,however it would produce cottage cheese instead of milk
25.they were replaced by H thru N
26. I think thats rather obvious