building interpersonal skills

[vital]

How does one build interpersonal skills if he's considered shy/antisocial?

 

[bctbct]

Make a point to force yourself to interact with others. Latch onto someone the invites you to go out.

BTW antisocial by definition is not the same as being shy, antisocial means you care about nothing but yourself.

 

[DJFuji]

Talk to EVERYONE. Start slow. Say hello and smile at everyone you walk past. Don't worry if they don't respond, you're just practicing. Then start practicing random conversations with strangers. If you're ever waiting in line, strike up a conversation. Doesn't matter who it's with. Guy, girl, old, young, fat, skinny, etc. Keep escalating this process until you're more and more comfortable being social. Try joining a toastmasters group. Ok I'm starting to repeat myself so see the other thread i posted on this: http://forums.anandtech.com/messageview...atid=38&threadid=2005790&enterthread=y

 

[cyclistca]

Practice. practice, practice

Join clubs
Toastmasters
Volunteer work

Do anything that forces you to talk to strangers

 

[KarmaPolice]

i use to be very shy...you just get better over time and as you get older(how old are u)

Make a point to talk to people. I use to think in my head "wtf am i scared of, whats the worst that could happen? you only get one chance"
I find that once you get past the first few times then you start to see how beneficial being outspoken and confident can be. From that point on you shouldn't have a problem. I would also like to say that as the time i was getting louder and more outspoken were also during the times i was smoking pot and then alcohol(pot before alcohol). I dont know if they helped but it seemed to coincide with my development. Could just be a coincidence.

 

[vital]

What if i built a reputation at work where I'm not very talkative and I get the vibe that everyone pretty much knows me as the quiet/shy guy? When I try to socialize after this reputation, I feel really awkward now since I usually don't talk much..

 

[Tuktuk]

Originally posted by: vital
What if i built a reputation at work where I'm not very talkative and I get the vibe that everyone pretty much knows me as the quiet/shy guy? When I try to socialize after this reputation, I feel really awkward now since I usually don't talk much..

Haha that is the worst cycle to get into.. I've been there before. Really once you become talkative and make friends with your co-worker they don't ever remember thinking of you as shy.. that is the worst reason to stay quiet. Really, you are overthinking it, people don't sit there analyzing you all day like you analyze yourself.

 

[Jeff7]

Originally posted by: bctbct
Make a point to force yourself to interact with others. Latch onto someone the invites you to go out.

BTW antisocial by definition is not the same as being shy, antisocial means you care about nothing but yourself.

Right - asocial means you don't like to socialize. Antisocial also means that you are apt to do things that are destructive to society. Hitting other people's mailboxes with a baseball bat or sending people letter bombs would be considered antisocial.

Originally posted by: vital
What if i built a reputation at work where I'm not very talkative and I get the vibe that everyone pretty much knows me as the quiet/shy guy? When I try to socialize after this reputation, I feel really awkward now since I usually don't talk much..

It amuses me in class sometimes, when I do talk, so many people turn around, like they either didn't know I could talk, or that they didn't know I was even there. But I do only ever have something to say perhaps once a week. I've only had cause to say anything twice in my differential equations class. In Product Design and Production Design, I haven't yet had to say anything at all in either class. Physics II is the "talkative" one-comment-per-week class.

I don't like it much either when someone makes a big deal about things. For some reason, I never liked getting a haircut, mainly because then everyone's all, "OMG, you got a haircut!!!" like it's a big deal. Yeah, I'm aware that I got a haircut. It's not the first time it's happened, and it won't be the last. I guess it's because I'm compelled to respond about something that to me is a total nonissue. I usually respond with something like, "yup" or "yes I did." What's next, commentary like, "You just ate lunch!"

If I try to joke around too, when I deem it appropriate, people will just sometimes stare in mild shock. "Wow, did the serious guy just do something funny? He's capable of humor?" Yes, I can in fact to this. I've done improv a few times when it's held on campus here, and people seem to like me; I've gotten requests already when people recognize me elsewhere on campus, to come back to improv again, so I guess I'm a bit of a hit. Improv was just a bit too stressful for me to keep doing though. I'm just shaking horribly after I'm done on stage, and I absolutely hate the feeling from adrenaline. That, and too much of the people on stage just seem to do an amateurish job. I know, imagine that, an amateur job from amateurs - anyone can, and is encouraged to, hop on stage to perform.

Well, guess that wasn't a good motivational speech, was it?

Concerning the awkwardness after starting to talk more, I figure it'll pass in time, once people get acclimated to the fact that you do have functional vocal cords.
I can socialize when needed; today I walked back to our apartments from my physics lab with my lab parter. We just chatted about our majors, about the class, and in part about the lab. (She's a science major.) It seemed perfectly easy for me, too. But the "icebreaker" was out of the way - she took the only available seat on the first day of class, which was next to me. So we kind of had to talk to just work together. That was it then, that was what started it.
Such have been most of my friendships - people just have happened to have to work with me on projects, or in one case, I was "assigned to" someone to help him get oriented in the new school. This was in elementary school. We became good friends afterward. Sometimes coincidences work in your favor. The trick is learning how to find the good ones.