Breaking up is hard to do...advice?

[GMNorris]

So my girlfriend of about 2 years and I break up over Christmas break...no reason. nothing went wrong. she just wants some time to just worry about herself, to know what it's like to be by herself and in college...basically she wants to know for sure that I'm the one, and she doesn't think she can do that if we're together...we're "high school sweethearts" so we haven't really had any serious relationships other than this one. she's not sure she was so lucky as to have found "the one" on the first try. I disagree, but whatever.

In the meantime, nothing has really changed...when I see her, we still kiss and hold hands...she wants us to be best friends, but we're not...she's still my girlfriend.

Do I pursue the relationship? or Give her some time to herself, try not to be the boyfriend figure, and hope she realizes that she made a mistake? or move on myself, and try dating again?

Any advice welcome.

 

[gopunk]

to be honest, i don't think her test for true love is a very good one. a better one would be to separate completely for a year (no contact AT ALL), then get back and see if the feelings are still there.

having said that, why is she even testing this in the first place? just have fun for god's sake. if you guys are 30 and still into each other, then you can start worrying about whether you two were meant to be together forever or whatever. you, as a male, are too young to get married anyways. if it's really true love, it can wait 10 years.

now having said that, i think she wants to break up, but she's stuck in the relationship because you were her first love, or whatever. i think you should move on anyways.

 

[worth]

So she wants to be "best friends" but no benefits?

 

[GMNorris]

Well, we're both sophomores in college...but she's in Atlanta at Emory, and I'm in LA at USC. so the "benefits" part is reserved pretty much for vacations, and whenever I can afford a plane ticket over there...but I dunno, I guess without benefits for now.

See, she has no idea what she's doing, by her own admission. It's like she wishes now she hadn't done it, but is too proud to admit she made a mistake? or not, I dunno. The whole point of the "test" thing as you call it was that, how can she be sure I'm the only one for her if she's never really dated anyone else? I can't argue with the logic, but I say we'll know when we know, and in the meantime, why should we seperate on that offchance? maybe she's in a rut and just needs a change...I totally don't get the impression it's permanent. I think it's just gonna be temporary, but who knows. I don't know what to do in the meantime.

 

[gopunk]

sophomores, do it's been long distance for a year?

 

[GMNorris]

yeah, we dated senior year in high school, so for the past year and a half, it's been long distance.

 

[tantos]

you're naive to think a long distance relationship will work when both of you haven't had any other experiences with other men and women. You're young man, don't settle down until you see all that you need to see.

 

[weezergirl]

well in my opinion there is no "one" person. its either you guys get along and know how to work out your problems or you don't! you'll never really know if the relationship is going to work until it comes to the point where it doesn't work. if there's no problems now, i don't see why she needs to test herself with other people. if she's happy, then what else could a different guy bring her? i never really got the logic behind wanting to see if a certain person is the one by going out with other people

as for yourself, i say do whatever makes you happy. if she makes you happy, then wait for her. don't go out with other people and just give her some time to sort things out on her own. otherwise, if u are curious too, you should definitely go out with other people as well. the worst thing that could happen is you find out she's not the one for you, which is good that you were able to find that out now rather than later.

 

[gopunk]

well, i'm sure you know about the stunning track records relationships like this have

 

[GMNorris]

wow, I appreciate the advice, but I don't think you have enough insight into our relationship to call me naive. And it's not that I haven't had experience, or her either. This is our first serious relationship, as in 2 years. It's been working fine for a year and a half...and I'm not looking to get married. I just want to continue this relationship.

 

[gopunk]

never really got the logic behind wanting to see if a certain person is the one by going out with other people

i think that's just an excuse they use to explore new relationships without leaving the safety of the old one

as for yourself, i say do whatever makes you happy.

i agree!

 

[GMNorris]

being with her makes me happy...

I guess I just wait til she realizes what a moron she is. jk

 

[HamSupLo]

Dude!!! there's too many beautiful women in LA to be tied down in a LTR!!!

P.S.......











Go Bruins!!

 

[GMNorris]

Go Bruins indeed...if you enjoy losing in every sport that matters.

USC dominance: Football 27-0, Men's and Women's Basketball, Baseball...the list goes on and on...

Fight On Trojans!!!

 

[rgwalt]

My advice:

Do NOT sever communications completely, no matter what. That is what ruins friendships (IMHO). The thing is that friends are friends largely in part because they invest time in each other's lives. If you don't put that time in, then you won't know what she is going through (and vice versa), and thus after your separation, you'll be different people. By not communicating, you will seriously jeopardize a chance at a relationship.

For now, I would recommend just going along with the flow of things. If you are cool with being close when you are together, great. When you are apart, you have time off from each other. Two more years or so, and you'll graduate. By then you will know if you are the right people for each other and want to commit to one another. Give it some time though, and enjoy life.

Ryan

 

[GMNorris]

I agree ryan, there's no way she's not going to be a part of my life...no matter what. If she's not my girlfriend, I don't see how she could ever not be my best friend. There's no way I could sever ties completely with her. Give her time, sure, but I'm not just going to cut her out of my life. I wouldn't let myself, and she sure wouldn't either.

 

[MrDarkside]

OK This is my first post here and I think this is the best Topic for me to start on....

My g/f and I started dating when I was 19 and she was 15 (i know I was bad)....well i am 24 now, she will be 20 in 2 months. Well We dated for a while....my first serious relationship (don't ask). we broke up after a year and a half. I saw someone else.....had a daughter and got married.....got divorced....through all that a year and a half went by. My girl and I got back together. We lived together for a year (She was 18+ at this time). She moved out to live at her mothers to go to College. Well we broke up again...stupid reasons. Well we got back together 3 months later and we are doing great, I am proposing to her on V-day. I know she will say yes.

Now I have no clue how this will relate to you but I just hope you will get something out of it. I feel that me and her are meant to be together. Well Good Luck and I hope it all works out for you.

~Mr Darkside~

 

[GMNorris]

thanks Darkside...I guess... best of luck to you both. so she's cool with the whole having a kid thing? just curious, how does she feel about that?

 

[lilbabimac]

i say u start dating man...who knows what your missing while waiting for your girl to make up her mind. girls...cant make up their minds

 

[Muadib]

wow, I appreciate the advice, but I don't think you have enough insight into our relationship to call me naive. And it's not that I haven't had experience, or her either. This is our first serious relationship, as in 2 years. It's been working fine for a year and a half...and I'm not looking to get married. I just want to continue this relationship.

I think you've given us plenty of info. You say it's been working fine for a year and a half, but was it really? If that were true, you would still be together. Nothing went wrong??? Dude!! Wake the f@#$ up! Something went wrong big time. You went and put damn near the whole country between you. That alone has killed more than just a few long term marriages. If you don't think that it can do the same to a 2 year hs thing, then calling you naive would be kind.

Do I pursue the relationship? or Give her some time to herself, try not to be the boyfriend figure, and hope she realizes that she made a mistake? or move on myself, and try dating again?

Get on with your life man. I'm not saying end the relationship, but to expect things to be like they were would not be realistic. Have fun and see what life has to offer. Don't waste it on something that's not meant to be.

 

[tantos]

wow, I appreciate the advice, but I don't think you have enough insight into our relationship to call me naive


hahaha..not enough insight? who's in denial?

 

[Siddhartha]

I recommend:
1. Do a clean break.
2. Date other people
3. Do not call or contact her for at least one semester.

Your relationship with this person has changed. She has moved on and you will be behaving like a jerk if you refuse to accept it.
If you love her it will hurt for awhile but the best thing you can do for her is to move on.

 

[jjones]

dump her and move on.

 

[dirtboy]

<< In the meantime, nothing has really changed...when I see her, we still kiss and hold hands...she wants us to be best friends, but we're not...she's still my girlfriend. >>



My advice to you is, just be friends. Don't kiss her, hold her hand or have sex with her. Best friends don't do those things together. If you're going to get hurt, you might as well get hurt now, rather then have this strung out for a couple years and then get hurt.

I certainly wouldn't give her the benefits of a relationship without a relationship. If that's all she wants, you're being used.

 

[ttn1]

Well, I was going to the same school as my gf when she decided she "needed some space". Unknown to me she had lots of guy
friends in her major. She ended up dating one for about a year, starting less than a month after she needed "time to be alone".

I too thought that we had a very strong relationship and was totally caught off gaurd. Not saying this is what is happening,
but I wouldn't be at all surprised.

Of course now, 8 years later, she is divorced and sent me an email out of the blue about 6 months ago. I am now in a commited
relationship, so have no romantic interest whatsoever. Interesting how things change.

I know this isn't much help, just thought I would share an experience. I believe 9 times out of 10 that when a girl says she
"needs some space", what she is really saying is, "A bunch of guys have been hitting on me and there is one in particular
that I am really attracted to."

Just my $.02