Bought a nice laptop for the girlfriend...

[Deviant Grasshopper]

Originally posted by: Tweak155

Originally posted by: Deviant Grasshopper
I want to hear the GF's side. My bet is that you asked what she wanted, and she said a pink laptop. If that's the case then it's on you, bud. Everyone knows that if your gf asks for something you either get exactly what she wants or something totally different to avoid resentment. I learned this around 10th or 11th grade.

Even if this is the case, while the OP is still a tool for getting the wrong laptop, his fiance is no less wrong for completely denying the acceptance of the laptop.

Eh, I disagree.


I expect certain things out my GF - and she expects certain things from me. If my GF asked me for a pink laptop I'd get her a damn pink laptop unless I just couldn't afford it or something. It seems like the OP knew she wanted a pink laptop and he didn't get her one.


It's not like this is just some random gift guys - this is xmas. Your GF asks for something for xmas - if it's within your xmas budget you should get it. If you need to cheap out then say so and she should understand.




Again, I want the GF's side to the story. I'm siding with her without knowing full details since I think it's improbable that we're getting the entire story.

 

[Deviant Grasshopper]

So, Zee, where is the GF?

 

[Mo0o]

Originally posted by: Deviant Grasshopper

Originally posted by: Tweak155

Originally posted by: Deviant Grasshopper
I want to hear the GF's side. My bet is that you asked what she wanted, and she said a pink laptop. If that's the case then it's on you, bud. Everyone knows that if your gf asks for something you either get exactly what she wants or something totally different to avoid resentment. I learned this around 10th or 11th grade.

Even if this is the case, while the OP is still a tool for getting the wrong laptop, his fiance is no less wrong for completely denying the acceptance of the laptop.

Eh, I disagree.


I expect certain things out my GF - and she expects certain things from me. If my GF asked me for a pink laptop I'd get her a damn pink laptop unless I just couldn't afford it or something. It seems like the OP knew she wanted a pink laptop and he didn't get her one.


It's not like this is just some random gift guys - this is xmas. Your GF asks for something for xmas - if it's within your xmas budget you should get it. If you need to cheap out then say so and she should understand.




Again, I want the GF's side to the story. I'm siding with her without knowing full details since I think it's improbable that we're getting the entire story.

Judging from the "i can't believe you dont know me" comment the OP mentioned, seems like the GF didnt say anything about what kind of laptop she wanted and simply assumed the OP would get her a pink one.

 

[Tweak155]

Originally posted by: Mo0o

Originally posted by: Deviant Grasshopper

Originally posted by: Tweak155

Originally posted by: Deviant Grasshopper
I want to hear the GF's side. My bet is that you asked what she wanted, and she said a pink laptop. If that's the case then it's on you, bud. Everyone knows that if your gf asks for something you either get exactly what she wants or something totally different to avoid resentment. I learned this around 10th or 11th grade.

Even if this is the case, while the OP is still a tool for getting the wrong laptop, his fiance is no less wrong for completely denying the acceptance of the laptop.

Eh, I disagree.


I expect certain things out my GF - and she expects certain things from me. If my GF asked me for a pink laptop I'd get her a damn pink laptop unless I just couldn't afford it or something. It seems like the OP knew she wanted a pink laptop and he didn't get her one.


It's not like this is just some random gift guys - this is xmas. Your GF asks for something for xmas - if it's within your xmas budget you should get it. If you need to cheap out then say so and she should understand.




Again, I want the GF's side to the story. I'm siding with her without knowing full details since I think it's improbable that we're getting the entire story.

Judging from the "i can't believe you dont know me" comment the OP mentioned, seems like the GF didnt say anything about what kind of laptop she wanted and simply assumed the OP would get her a pink one.

While agree with this, even if it wasn't the case, completely denying the laptop is not acceptable.

 

[Madwand1]

Originally posted by: Tweak155
While agree with this, even if it wasn't the case, completely denying the laptop is not acceptable.

Nonsense. It's perfectly acceptable to refuse a gift; the very basis of gift-giving should be that it is a gift, not an imposition or obligation.

Of course, the manner of refusal matters, so I'm not saying that refusing a gift and ridiculing it or the giver is acceptable, but that there is absolutely nothing wrong with a polite refusal which says thank you, I appreciate your gesture and intention, but I don't personally want to have it and I think that you could choose what to do with it better than me.

 

[2Xtreme21]

Originally posted by: Madwand1

Originally posted by: Tweak155
While agree with this, even if it wasn't the case, completely denying the laptop is not acceptable.

Nonsense. It's perfectly acceptable to refuse a gift; the very basis of gift-giving should be that it is a gift, not an imposition or obligation.

Of course, the manner of refusal matters, so I'm not saying that refusing a gift and ridiculing it or the giver is acceptable, but that there is absolutely nothing wrong with a polite refusal which says thank you, I appreciate your gesture and intention, but I don't personally want to have it and I think that you could choose what to do with it better than me.

Remember, she's refusing it because it's not pink... not because she asked for clothes and got a vacuum cleaner.

 

[Nutdotnet]

Hmm...this is a tough one.

Your gf should have handled her disappointment better, ESPECIALLY considering the magnitude of the gift (a freakin laptop, you're the man!). However, I think it's ok for her to express that she would have liked a pink laptop. Therefore, you two could have looked for solutions, like the skins that somoene posted up.

It's tough to be in a situation where you're not 100% pleased with a gift, and I would have to agree with her that when you get something that's not "you" from someone who should really know you it's kind of a bummer.

So my advice is let things cool down a bit, tell her how she made you feel and then show her skins that will make the laptop pink. Problem solved!

 

[FallenHero]

I can only imagine what your future brings OP....

Oh well, you and your future wife bring job security to me!

 

[ruu]

Originally posted by: 2Xtreme21

Originally posted by: Madwand1

Originally posted by: Tweak155
While agree with this, even if it wasn't the case, completely denying the laptop is not acceptable.

Nonsense. It's perfectly acceptable to refuse a gift; the very basis of gift-giving should be that it is a gift, not an imposition or obligation.

Of course, the manner of refusal matters, so I'm not saying that refusing a gift and ridiculing it or the giver is acceptable, but that there is absolutely nothing wrong with a polite refusal which says thank you, I appreciate your gesture and intention, but I don't personally want to have it and I think that you could choose what to do with it better than me.

Remember, she's refusing it because it's not pink... not because she asked for clothes and got a vacuum cleaner.

"not pink" might just be a detail to most people, but it could have meant the difference between 800 FSB and 1333 FBS to her.

Just because color seems trivial to the gift-giver doesn't mean that it's not an important detail that the giver should have paid attention to. It really depends on the people involved in the whole transaction.

That said, tact is absolutely needed when declining a gift.

 

[Tweak155]

Originally posted by: ruu

Originally posted by: 2Xtreme21

Originally posted by: Madwand1

Originally posted by: Tweak155
While agree with this, even if it wasn't the case, completely denying the laptop is not acceptable.

Nonsense. It's perfectly acceptable to refuse a gift; the very basis of gift-giving should be that it is a gift, not an imposition or obligation.

Of course, the manner of refusal matters, so I'm not saying that refusing a gift and ridiculing it or the giver is acceptable, but that there is absolutely nothing wrong with a polite refusal which says thank you, I appreciate your gesture and intention, but I don't personally want to have it and I think that you could choose what to do with it better than me.

Remember, she's refusing it because it's not pink... not because she asked for clothes and got a vacuum cleaner.

"not pink" might just be a detail to most people, but it could have meant the difference between 800 FSB and 1333 FBS to her.

Just because color seems trivial to the gift-giver doesn't mean that it's not an important detail that the giver should have paid attention to. It really depends on the people involved in the whole transaction.

That said, tact is absolutely needed when declining a gift.

Sorry but the color of the laptop would have not made it run faster or different. Invalid comparison.

If she needed the pink model because it was .5" thinner or something along those lines, I'd agree with you. In this case, I don't.

 

[ruu]

Originally posted by: Tweak155

Originally posted by: ruu

Originally posted by: 2Xtreme21

Originally posted by: Madwand1

Originally posted by: Tweak155
While agree with this, even if it wasn't the case, completely denying the laptop is not acceptable.

Nonsense. It's perfectly acceptable to refuse a gift; the very basis of gift-giving should be that it is a gift, not an imposition or obligation.

Of course, the manner of refusal matters, so I'm not saying that refusing a gift and ridiculing it or the giver is acceptable, but that there is absolutely nothing wrong with a polite refusal which says thank you, I appreciate your gesture and intention, but I don't personally want to have it and I think that you could choose what to do with it better than me.

Remember, she's refusing it because it's not pink... not because she asked for clothes and got a vacuum cleaner.

"not pink" might just be a detail to most people, but it could have meant the difference between 800 FSB and 1333 FBS to her.

Just because color seems trivial to the gift-giver doesn't mean that it's not an important detail that the giver should have paid attention to. It really depends on the people involved in the whole transaction.

That said, tact is absolutely needed when declining a gift.

Sorry but the color of the laptop would have not made it run faster or different. Invalid comparison.

If she needed the pink model because it was .5" thinner or something along those lines, I'd agree with you. In this case, I don't.

True that it wouldn't have performed differently, but not everyone is concerned with function over form. My point was that the color choice was obviously just as important a detail as how fast it ran---obviously more important a detail as far as the recipient was concerned---and this detail was missed.

If one assumes that the gift receiver is more concerned with form than function, improper color choice is valid grounds for rejecting a gift. When it comes to taste, one cannot make the argument that concern with function > concern with form.

Also, a gift doesn't necessarily have an inherent merit just because it's a gift. I would rather reject a gift that I didn't like and hope that it might be re-gifted to someone who'd appreciate it (or that it might be returned and the money used for a more practical/pleasurable purpose) than accept it just to be polite.

 

[Legendary]

It sucks to compromise for something so superficial.
Decide if a girl who puts you to that decision is worth it.

 

[Zee]

Originally posted by: Deviant Grasshopper
So, Zee, where is the GF?

i would update but this thread is considered a babe thread so there's no point

 

[jagec]

Originally posted by: ruu
True that it wouldn't have performed differently, but not everyone is concerned with function over form. My point was that the color choice was obviously just as important a detail as how fast it ran---obviously more important a detail as far as the recipient was concerned---and this detail was missed.

If one assumes that the gift receiver is more concerned with form than function, improper color choice is valid grounds for rejecting a gift. When it comes to taste, one cannot make the argument that concern with function > concern with form.
.

When's the last time you went to buy a laptop, picked out the one with the specs you wanted, and had the guy tell you "This one comes in Alabaster Silver, Atomic Blue, Crystal Black, Green Tea, Rallye Red, or Redline Orange"?

Answer: You didn't, because color isn't one of the choices you get when you buy the vast majority of laptops on the market. Get a laptop skin if you have to.

 

[Tweak155]

Originally posted by: ruu
True that it wouldn't have performed differently, but not everyone is concerned with function over form. My point was that the color choice was obviously just as important a detail as how fast it ran---obviously more important a detail as far as the recipient was concerned---and this detail was missed.

If one assumes that the gift receiver is more concerned with form than function, improper color choice is valid grounds for rejecting a gift. When it comes to taste, one cannot make the argument that concern with function > concern with form.

Also, a gift doesn't necessarily have an inherent merit just because it's a gift. I would rather reject a gift that I didn't like and hope that it might be re-gifted to someone who'd appreciate it (or that it might be returned and the money used for a more practical/pleasurable purpose) than accept it just to be polite.

A laptop doesn't have a use through its color. It isn't a purse. It isn't a pair of shoes. It is a laptop. An expensive gift that has a functionality to a large degree - doesn't include color under that functionality.

If the receiver of said gift is "more concerned with form than function", then she doesn't need a laptop. Obviously said receiver WANTED a laptop. If said receiver just wanted it for "form", then I would have given said receiver a display model that cost 10 cents that was pink.

 

[Modular]

Originally posted by: Zee
I kind of blew up at her and it ended with a "i can't believe you still dont know me"

Drama queen of the century? Lemme guess:

1) Dad is either physically or emotionally nonexistent
2) You met at a bar/college party
3) You've yet to seek pre-marital counseling

 

[CRXican]

Originally posted by: Modular

Originally posted by: Zee
I kind of blew up at her and it ended with a "i can't believe you still dont know me"

Drama queen of the century? Lemme guess:

1) Dad is either physically or emotionally nonexistent
2) You met at a bar/college party
3) You've yet to seek pre-marital counseling

shut up and let this stupid thread die

 

[MikeyIs4Dcats]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
if I were to buy a new laptop for my husband I'd go about it thusly.

I'd figure out my budget... then I'd figure out some clever,creative way of presenting
the news to him that he was being gifted. It would be a lovely evening. I might spend
another couple of equally lovely evenings with him, hunting together for the best bang for the buck and customizing his system.


I'd have yet another lovely evening when the laptop was delivered and he was sitting there ohhhinngg and ahhhing over getting exactly what he wanted and singing my praises for it.



Giving people the gift you think they should want= 1 lovely evening(if you guessed correctly)

giving people the gift that they WANT= Multiple lovely evenings and no worries that they told you they loved it because they didn't want to hurt your feelings 🙂

I vote for multiple lovely evenings 🙂

do these lovely evenings involve mouth hugs?

 

[Steve]

Originally posted by: K1052
Abandon ship.

ABANDON FAILBOAT!

 

[ruu]

Originally posted by: CRXican
shut up and let this stupid thread die

Lol. 😉

Originally posted by: jagec
When's the last time you went to buy a laptop, picked out the one with the specs you wanted, and had the guy tell you "This one comes in Alabaster Silver, Atomic Blue, Crystal Black, Green Tea, Rallye Red, or Redline Orange"?

Answer: You didn't, because color isn't one of the choices you get when you buy the vast majority of laptops on the market. Get a laptop skin if you have to.

I'm very picky about aesthetics, actually---I start with things that look good and then figure out which one works best out of the ones that look good. I don't care if someone gives me some amazing multi-million dollar laptop that can rival the CERN computers---if it's ugly, I don't want it. 😛

The laptop skin thing is a good alternative, though. But again, it depends on the aesthetics in question.

Originally posted by: Tweak155
A laptop doesn't have a use through its color. It isn't a purse. It isn't a pair of shoes. It is a laptop. An expensive gift that has a functionality to a large degree - doesn't include color under that functionality.

First of all, many people choose things like cell phones, laptops, and even cars with the idea that they are "accessory" items. I think it's a bit ridiculous, but I don't want to argue the question "what is the purpose of fashion." I'm saying that if someone sees a laptop as an accessory item, it makes no sense to tell them, "No, you're WRONG, you CAN'T see it as an accessory item, shut up and take it as an item of function."

Originally posted by: Tweak155
If the receiver of said gift is "more concerned with form than function", then she doesn't need a laptop. Obviously said receiver WANTED a laptop. If said receiver just wanted it for "form", then I would have given said receiver a display model that cost 10 cents that was pink.

Well, what the receiver wanted was a PINK laptop. What the magnitude of that detail---"pink"---means to the receiver is not up to the gift-giver to decide.

Giver thinks the detail is insignificant.
Receiver thinks the detail is crucial.

Who's right? Well, obviously that's a stupid question, because both of them are entitled to their own opinion. But my point is that it's invalid to say that one person's opinion is somehow more worthy than the other's. As far as I can tell, that's the whole reason that OP and the girl even got into a fight in the first place---he thinks her opinion is bunk, she thinks his opinion is bunk.

All I am saying is that I, personally, like to give gifts that match the exact specifications that the receiver of the gift wants. I never assume that just because an item is missing this detail or that button that such an omission will pass muster. Some people like to be surprised and aren't as exacting, and that's fine. But as a gift-giver, you better know how exacting your gift-receiver is. If you know that they like exact gifts and then you get them something similar-but-not-quite, then you have absolutely no grounds on which to protest if they don't react well to the gift.

 

[DeliciousTacos]

lol

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

Originally posted by: ruu

All I am saying is that I, personally, like to give gifts that match the exact specifications that the receiver of the gift wants. I never assume that just because an item is missing this detail or that button that such an omission will pass muster. Some people like to be surprised and aren't as exacting, and that's fine. But as a gift-giver, you better know how exacting your gift-receiver is. If you know that they like exact gifts and then you get them something similar-but-not-quite, then you have absolutely no grounds on which to protest if they don't react well to the gift.

Say what? You somehow feel obligated to get the demanding person exactly what they want or nothing? Or, are you saying it's acceptable for the receiver to reject or disparage your gift because it doesn't match their specifications?

In any case, did your mother not slap you enough when you were little or, was she just so selfish, you learned it from her?

 

[ruu]

Originally posted by: MagnusTheBrewer

Originally posted by: ruu

All I am saying is that I, personally, like to give gifts that match the exact specifications that the receiver of the gift wants. I never assume that just because an item is missing this detail or that button that such an omission will pass muster. Some people like to be surprised and aren't as exacting, and that's fine. But as a gift-giver, you better know how exacting your gift-receiver is. If you know that they like exact gifts and then you get them something similar-but-not-quite, then you have absolutely no grounds on which to protest if they don't react well to the gift.

Say what? You somehow feel obligated to get the demanding person exactly what they want or nothing? Or, are you saying it's acceptable for the receiver to reject or disparage your gift because it doesn't match their specifications?

I'm saying that I prefer to get people exactly what they want. If I can't get them exactly what they want, I get them nothing.

I'm also saying that it is okay to reject a gift if it's not what you want. Disparage no; reject yes. Not in a bitchy manner obviously, but a gentle, "This is very kind of you, but...."

I'm also saying that I'm assuming that the people involved in such a gifting transaction are romantically involved/dating for a long time/engaged/married (since these were the individuals involved in the OP).

I'm saying that in such a context, it is perfectly acceptable to have expectations. Demands are just expectations put forth rudely. I don't advocate being rude on any occasion.

If the people involved are co-workers or some distant relative or someone that I simply don't know very well, an entirely different code of conduct is called for, obviously. In such situations, smile, accept, praise, effuse, whatever---and then move on.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

Originally posted by: ruu
[
I'm saying that I prefer to get people exactly what they want. If I can't get them exactly what they want, I get them nothing.

I'm also saying that it is okay to reject a gift if it's not what you want. Disparage no; reject yes. Not in a bitchy manner obviously, but a gentle, "This is very kind of you, but...."

I'm also saying that I'm assuming that the people involved in such a gifting transaction are romantically involved/dating for a long time/engaged/married (since these were the individuals involved in the OP).

I'm saying that in such a context, it is perfectly acceptable to have expectations. Demands are just expectations put forth rudely. I don't advocate being rude on any occasion.

If the people involved are co-workers or some distant relative or someone that I simply don't know very well, an entirely different code of conduct is called for, obviously. In such situations, smile, accept, praise, effuse, whatever---and then move on.

So, the need for politeness is some how less for people romantically involved than for strangers? It's okay to reject a gift from a loved one as long as you use the correct form?

I feel sorry for you and all the plastic Barbies who live in that world. The world in which I inhabit places more importance on the people I care about than the gifts they give.

 

[ruu]

Originally posted by: MagnusTheBrewer
So, the need for politeness is some how less for people romantically involved than for strangers? It's okay to reject a gift from a loved one as long as you use the correct form?

I suppose that's one way to view it. But that view is from the outside of the relationship looking in.

In general social settings, I think that it's more important to show goodwill and to get along and to be agreeable than to be plastering one's opinions and thoughts all over the place. In general social settings, the people involved have no significant relationship with oneself and aren't interested in a significant relationship with oneself. One is there for the atmosphere, for the occasion, for the company. One is not there to bond on a significant level with every person there.

As far as my loved ones are concerned, a significant bond brings with it changes in behavior, in expectations, in attitudes. I think it's perfectly logical to say that a person would have different expectations of their spouse than they would of their close friends, of their acquaintances, of their co-workers, of their boss. Different expectations lead to different behavior patterns around different people.

I suppose one would immediately jump to the conclusion that a person who behaves as such is either being fake in one environment or being fake in another, eh? Well, I don't necessarily see that as a bad thing. A person should always act with discretion; if it doesn't behoove the situation to become buddy-buddy with the stranger standing in line with you at the grocery store, then one should keep to oneself.

Originally posted by: MagnusTheBrewer
I feel sorry for you and all the plastic Barbies who live in that world. The world in which I inhabit places more importance on the people I care about than the gifts they give.

Thank you for your gracious pity. It's probably a bit misplaced, though; the world that I live in is a lovely place, full of very warm and wonderful people for whom I have the utmost love and respect, and they me. 🙂