Black man asks nation for change

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effowe

effowe

Diamond Member
Nov 1, 2004
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Source

CHICAGO?According to witnesses, a loud black man approached a crowd of some 4,000 strangers in downtown Chicago Tuesday and made repeated demands for change.

"The time for change is now," said the black guy, yelling at everyone within earshot for 20 straight minutes, practically begging America for change. "The need for change is stronger and more urgent than ever before. And only you?the people standing here today, and indeed all the people of this great nation?only you can deliver this change."

It is estimated that, to date, the black man has asked every single person in the United States for change.

"I've already seen this guy four times today," Chicago-area ad salesman Blake Gordon said. "Every time, it's the same exact spiel. 'I need change.' 'I want change.' Why's he so eager for all this change? What's he going to do with it, anyway?"

After his initial requests for change, the black man rambled nonstop on a variety of unrelated topics, calling for affordable health care, demanding that the government immediately begin withdrawing troops from Iraq, and proposing a $75 billion economic stimulus plan to create new jobs.

"What a wacko," Schaumburg, IL resident Patrick Morledge said. "And, of course, after telling us all about how he had the ability to magically fix everything, he went right back to asking for change. Typical."

"If he's really looking for change, he's got the wrong guy," Morledge added.

Reports indicate that the black man has been riding from city to city across the country, asking for change wherever he goes. Citizens in Austin, TX said they spotted the same guy standing on the street Friday, shouting far-fetched ideas about global warming. Cleveland residents also reported seeing him in a local park, wildly gesticulating and quoting from the Bible. And last week, patrons at the Starlight Diner in Cheyenne, WY claimed that the black man accosted them while they were eating, repeatedly requesting change.

"I saw him walk in and I knew he was headed straight for our table," said mother of three Gladys Davies. "He just stood there smiling at us for a while, and asked how our food tasted. Then he went and did the same thing at the next table over. The nerve of some people."

Those who encountered the black man Tuesday said he engaged in erratic behavior, including pointing at random people in the crowd and desperately saying he needs their help, going up to complete strangers and hugging them, and angrily claiming that he is not looking for just a little bit of change, but rather a great deal of change, and that he wants it "right now."

"I'll be honest, when that black guy said he would 'stop at nothing' to get change, it kind of scared me," local mechanic Phil Nighbert said. "Just leave me alone."

Though many were taken aback by the black man's brazen demands, some, such as Jackson, MS's Holly Moser, sympathized with him. She gave the black man credit for boldly standing up and asking every last person around him for change.

"I told him I'd give him some if I saw him later, even though I probably won't," Moser said. "Very nice man, though."

Most, however, ignored his requests.

"I'm a hardworking American who pays his taxes, and the last thing I need is some guy on the street demanding change from me," said William Overkamp, a Springfield, IL gun-shop owner.

He added, "What he really needs is a job."
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I know the topic is a spoof...but this thread could easily spin into something much more mean in nature. Please try and keep things civil.

vi edit
Off Topic Moderator
 
J

JS80

Lifer
Oct 24, 2005
26,271
7
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Originally posted by: spidey07
That's hilarious.

Was he also asking for hope? Hope and change!!!!!
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i will sell you hope for $30 trillion in entitlements
 
Queasy

Queasy

Moderator<br>Console Gaming
Aug 24, 2001
31,796
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Homeless Adviser: They feed on our change. They need it in order to keep them moving.
Homeless Person: Is that... is that some spare change?
Homeless Adviser: Somehow they're able to take... our change... and turn it into nourishment, sustenance.
Homeless Person: Spare some of that change, sir?
Homeless Adviser: But now watch. (Drops some coins into the hobo's cup and walks back to the boys. The hobo rattles his cup a bit.)
Homeless Person: Spare some change?
Homeless Adviser: It has already completely forgotten that I've given it change. It just wants... more, change.
 
D

daveshel

Diamond Member
Oct 10, 1999
5,453
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Like a bad SNL sketch - you know there's comedic potential in there somewhere, but the writers failed to expose it.
 
I

I4AT

Platinum Member
Oct 28, 2006
2,631
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Haha, I like how he's referred to as the black man or the black guy throughout the entire article.
 
Jeff7

Jeff7

Lifer
Jan 4, 2001
41,596
19
81
Originally posted by: Queasy
Homeless Adviser: They feed on our change. They need it in order to keep them moving.
Homeless Person: Is that... is that some spare change?
Homeless Adviser: Somehow they're able to take... our change... and turn it into nourishment, sustenance.
Homeless Person: Spare some of that change, sir?
Homeless Adviser: But now watch. (Drops some coins into the hobo's cup and walks back to the boys. The hobo rattles his cup a bit.)
Homeless Person: Spare some change?
Homeless Adviser: It has already completely forgotten that I've given it change. It just wants... more, change.
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I was thinking about that too. And of course then when Kyle's dad goes out and accidentally gives up all his change.
"My god. He's......he's become one of them."


Originally posted by: SirPorl
"I'm a man, I can change, if i have to, I guess" - Red Green
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And the last episode:
"I'm a man, and I have changed. Oh well."
 
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