best joke ever

[PatrickBateman]

my hotel doesn't have a 13th floor because of superstition. But you people on the 14th floor...you know what floor your really on

 

[Train]

The only reason people don't like the joke is because it's missing the Hedberg delivery

If you guys wanna talk to me after the show... I'll be.... fuckin' surprised.

Another one that goes from meh to Hilarious when you actually hear him say it.

 

[kinev]

"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it"

"Fish are always eating other fish. If fish could scream, the ocean would be loud as shit. You would not want to submerge your head, nothing but fish going "Ahhh, fuck! I thought I looked like that rock!!"

 

[Booty]

"If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."

 

[911paramedic]

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
-Steven Wright

 

[Lamont Burns]

On a stop light green means go, red means stop and yellow means slow down, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means 'hold on,' yellow means 'go ahead,' and red means, 'where the fuck did you get that banana at?'

 

[zinfamous]

hedberg = win

this.

"sorry for the convenience."

 

[Regs]

Yeah, I was expecting 1000 words and "better late then never".

 

[KeithTalent]

I freaking love Hedberg and while his quote are good just read aloud, they are way, way better with his voice and delivery. :awe:

KT

 

[Regs]

The only reason people don't like the joke is because it's missing the Hedberg delivery

Big foot is bluuuuuuury.

 

[Chriscross3234]

My favorite of Mitch Hedberg's was the bit on Smokey the Bear and Smackey the Frog.

 

[thepd7]

Better Nate than Lever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111ONEONEONEONEONE

this

On a stop light green means go, red means stop and yellow means slow down, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means 'hold on,' yellow means 'go ahead,' and red means, 'where the fuck did you get that banana at?'

haha gotta love it

 

[slugg]

"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to do them too."

lawl