Best joke ever.

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Kaido

Elite Member & Kitchen Overlord
Feb 14, 2004
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Apr 3, 2001
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Just now coming to that conclusion?
Well... better nate than lever
See post #62 in this thread, over ten years ago now... in short, no, my hatred for this joke/thread should be legend at this point.
 
Apr 3, 2001
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You're on your way to being on the list, too, BTW. I do see what you did there.
 

K7SN

Senior member
Jun 21, 2015
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i memorized every single word in that joke and plan to share it with every single person i meet.
Every bit as good as jolly joke as OP and a lot less work.

If the OP actually made that punny story up, took the time to type it and post it here; then my hat is off to the OP. If he cut and pasted it then my hat is off to whomever typed it; my scorn is to the OP for not citing the source.

Such jokes are easy to create when you are bored; My father once told mother and I a similar joke while driving from Las Vegas to Reno in our family's new Hudson. I've added italics for those who don't know the old references. I soon got bored when the parental discussion of Ike and Adlai discussion turned Ike and Adlia (Son of Vise President Adlai Stevenson who was running against Dwight Eisenhower in 1952). I was at odds with my democratic parents who liked Stevenson; I liked Ike and didn't give a Philadelphia Athletics (The origin of Oakland's AL team) players baseball card (common currency denomination of a worthless valued object for NL Boston Brave fan like myself) hoot that Ike had never voted in his life or the infamous 'checker speech' (an televised speech made a by the Republican vice presidential candidate; California Senator Richard Millhouse Nixon who was caught taking money from political fund for personal gain. He barely addressed his corruption; making a political speech where he claimed to wear a inexpensive cloth Republican coat, ignoring the mink his wife mysteriously had acquired, and professing no corruption. He did acknowledge he had accepted a one gift that could be considered political by some; a little cocker spaniel puppy for his daughter Tricia. He said she loved that puppy and had named it Checkers. he concluded his family was more important and he wasn't going to give it back turning a disaster in the making into a great political speech) The first time I heard my father call anyone the male offspring of a female dog.

I had fun typing the introduction but haven't got patience to type a story my father told all the way to Tonopah (about 3 hours) to keep my mom and I entertained. Cliff Notes below; Italics still for anyone without a clue;bold highlighting for the key points (The Nate's and Lever's of this story)

!. My father talked about Wendell Willkie; getting my mom's attention adlibbing as he went. (Willkie was the sacrificial Republican candidate when Roosevelt ran a third time on the eve of our involvement in WWII. Modern tie in is a similarity with Trump and Fiorina business.)

He talked Mrs. Willkie whom he said Wendell called Ma in reference to his many offspring. He talked about Mrs. Willkie making a pumpkin pie; we were going to Washoe Lake for Thanksgiving with my aunt.

He talked about a swarm of bees; we had bees to pollinate our fruit trees, alfalfa and steal their honey. A swarm of bees getting in to Mrs. Willkie's kitchen; he talked about a flame torch (An old version of tool for heating lead when connecting cast iron sewer pipe; replaced by propane torches which are replaced by glue and plastic ABS40 pipe)

He talked about Mrs. Willkie using a flame torch to roast the swarm and several badly singed bees escaped to a lighting fixture/ceiling fan where they could hide from Mrs. Willkie's view. There were other things that led up to escaped bees but I don't remember except much later when I figured out he worked as DJ and understood repetitive advertising (advertising as a way to keep a brand or product in the forefront of consumer's minds.)

Mrs. Willkie returned to making her pumpkin pie. Put the pie in the oven and another long series of stories where one by one the bees died, pieces falling off the dead bees and bee pieces collecting on top of fan motor housing where the bees were hiding like a wing here; an ear there.until the pie is done and removed from the oven and set to cool under the hiding spot of the last two surviving bees. Mrs. Willkie turned on the fan and bee pieces cam flying down. Some bee pieces land on the cooling pie.

More story followed with Mrs. Willkie finding the strange objects on her pie; getting a magnifying glass, then a microscope and finally determining what is was; The bees see Mrs. Willkie get a stepladder from the pantry (A closet like place for food, and sometimes things like small ladders, Brooms etc. She moved the table and put the ladder under where the last two bees were hiding. She climbed the ladder and found the last two bees. One bee asked how she knew they were there; She . Ma Willkie showed them the object on the slide for the microscope as she light the flame torch.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

One bee said to the other.

My father said he tell us what the One bee said after we listened to a couple songs.

A song was play.

Another song was played

A third song was played and then commercials came on and my dad said "That is answer." What, my Mom even was perturbed and asked "What did the bee say, what was on the microscope slide? My father told us what the bee said.

Wait for it :\

Wait for it :sneaky:

What for it D:

That is the Bee-Ear that made Ma Willkie Flame us.

http://www.old-time.com/commercials/1950's/Schlitz.html

I loved Schlitz beer. A little juvenile humor when I was 16 and dating; she told me girls don't like beer at the beach. Why?



Wait for it :\


Wait for it :sneaky:


What for it D:


I'd like to say that wasn't all but it was just an eager 16 year old girl who wanted to skinny dip at the lake.

Wait for it :\


Wait for it :sneaky:


What for it D:


Why don't girls like beer at the beach, they get sand in their Schlitz
 
Nov 18, 2007
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Another joke to liven this thread up.

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave.

Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.

The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."
The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk."

The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."

The man sets about his task.

After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks.

"In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."

The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound."

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door."

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond.

Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."

The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door!
With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound . . .

But of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
 

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