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Being in someone's wedding

A

AStar617

Diamond Member
...that I'd have to pay for my own damn suit rental as a groomsman in my cousin's wedding?? This would have been a dealbreaker for several reasons:

- I am saving to buy a townhouse
- The tux that is chosen for us is a cheap piece of crap; I have several black suits that basically own the sh!t out of it, and should have been perfectly fine for this "nontraditional" wedding (of course, the one tradition still standing has to cost me out of pocket)
- For the rental fee ($130!!:shocked: ) I'd be most of the way towards OWNING a decent tux
- The ceremony/reception is at my parents' house, so basically all I am doing is paying $130 to stand in the front of my old living room instead of sit in the rear
- My cousin is the damn bride, yet somehow I'm a groomsman for this guy I barely know (no family in the area or somethin; decent guy but I'm sure you see my point)
- I don't really even like my cousin these days

I just think that, regardless of the custom, it's tacky to ask someone to be in YOUR wedding, then force such a fee upon them. ESPECIALLY when you (the couple) are sensitive to the financial burden (thus this whole "nontraditional" crap, which basically means getting married at my parents' house because you somehow honestly expected to have a wedding and reception on a $1000 budget), how could you see no problem with putting someone else in the very same situation you're looking to avoid?

From now on I'm googling EVERY experience I intend on undertaking before it happens, no exceptions. lol.
 
You articulated that pretty well, so I'm surprised you got caught off guard by the obligations involved. I agree with your objections. What the hell, see if you can weasle out of it. Who cares what they think? They don't seem too concerned about you!
 
You agree to be in someone's wedding because they are important to you, or because you respect their desire to have you be part of it.

Do it because you want to, or refuse because you don't want to, but if you agree it's hard to imagine anything more tacky than complaining about having some out-of-pocket costs.
 
$130 is not even close to being half-way to owning a "decent tux." $130 isn't even half-way to owning a "decent" pair of shoes to wear with a tux.
 
It's one of those things in life you have to deal with. This is coming from someone who feels he shouldn't have to deal with most of the things in life you just have to deal with, so trust me - it's really one of those things. Suck it up.
 
Originally posted by: brigden
$130 is not even close to being half-way to owning a "decent tux." $130 isn't even half-way to owning a "decent" pair of shoes to wear with a tux.
Click to expand...

true. Stop by a Nordstrom.
 
Originally posted by: tyim
Originally posted by: brigden
$130 is not even close to being half-way to owning a "decent tux." $130 isn't even half-way to owning a "decent" pair of shoes to wear with a tux.
Click to expand...

true. Stop by a Nordstrom.
Click to expand...

I beg to differ. The analogy here is as inaccurate as saying you need to visit a Benz or BMW dealership to own a "decent car" (and I actually do own a '92 525i). Do you also need a Radeon X800 to have a "decent video card", or a Clearaudio turntable to complete your "decent stereo"? There is effectively no limit on what you CAN spend. But that's certainly not to say that you MUST spend that in order to have something that is functional, durable, and stylish. Knocking anything that falls outside the "enthusiast" market is a bit much IMHO.
 
I agree with the OP.

For our wedding, we paid for all the rentals and paid for the hotel rooms for the evening too.


The way I see it, I asked them to be in my wedding...just seemed like the right thing to do.
 
Originally posted by: kranky
You agree to be in someone's wedding because they are important to you, or because you respect their desire to have you be part of it.

Do it because you want to, or refuse because you don't want to, but if you agree it's hard to imagine anything more tacky than complaining about having some out-of-pocket costs.
Click to expand...

Originally posted by: HomeBrewerDude
you're cheap.
Click to expand...

I'll take these in order:

kranky: the "desire" for me to be in the wedding was because I was in arm's reach. Like I said before, I'm not even on the bride's (my cousin's) side in the wedding. With my mother as the de facto wedding planner and nobody else available on the groom side as stated above, I wouldn't want the wedding to be completely derailed because of that. But just because the $130 doesn't kill me doesn't mean it doesn't hurt either. And I definitely don't waive my right to be upset with the way things are playing out simply because I said "yes".

HomeBrewerDude: you're stating flat out what kranky is implying and both of you are absolutely wrong. The whole point of this thread is that if I were getting married, I couldn't see asking the wedding party to pay for wedding expenses--it would be part of the budget! This also implies I would put more thought into the wedding itself, including required saving beforehand.
 
I would think it would be more appropriate for the groom to pay for the rental. You don't invite someone to your house for dinner and then say: "Make sure you bring your own food" do you?
 
Hah, good points, Ahmed. You tell 'em! 😛

While you're at it, tell your cousin you no longer feel like participating. I'm sure you can come up with some plausible reason. Good luck!
 
i always say that getting a wedding invitation is like getting a speeding ticket, and being asked to be in the wedding is like getting a DUI thrown on top of that.

weddings just suck no matter which side you're on, but the groom totally should have paid for your tux rental. the classier grooms i've known have always done that, and the non-classy grooms haven't (or, even worse, offered to subsidize it-- how insulting is it that they give you 20 dollars of your 100 dollar rental?).
 
130 isn't much man, just take the hit. Also, take it out of their present. Give them a bowl or something.

Edit: Heh... bowel... freudian slip?
 
Maybe it's a regional thing - of all the dozen or so weddings I've been in, I've never had my out-of-pocket expenses paid for by the bridal couple. Nor have I ever heard of anyone doing that.
 
Give them a bowel or something.
Click to expand...
LOL! Now that's a sh!tty gift.

If you think a tux is bad, be glad you aren't a bridesmaid. They can dump upwards of $1000 after it's all said and done.
 
Well if you're that bent out of shape about it, why dont you just tell the couple that you need to them help pay for it because of whatever financial situation you're in?
 
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