Bedtime Jokes

[Qacer]

Here's one joke before I head to bed.

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that??"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infinities or Lexus?s in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies.

 

[shortylickens]

Female ego, FTW!

 

[newb111]

I chuckled

 

[sjvlad]

haha, nice

 

[BUTCH1]

OK,I've got one..A guy wants to go out drinking with his work buddies but he can't as his wife
throws a fit every time. On of his co-workers tells him: your going about it all wrong, just go
out with us tonight and have a blast but don't get home till real late. Your wife will be asleep by
then and you could wake her up with her favorite surprise!..Hmm,,I'll try it he says so late that
night he comes home, tiptoes up the stairs into the darkened bedroom and starts doing his thing.
after 15 minutes of moaning he figures mission accomplished and goes to use the bathroom
only to find his wife on the toilet. Hey, how did you get here he asks? she replies shhh, quiet
you'll wake up mother....

 

[ColdFusion718]

haha nice!

 

[HybridSquirrel]

i dont get the first one

 

[HybridSquirrel]

nvm i got it the second time around