Small update:
We're up to about 40-45 people (about 10-15 kids).
The wife and I have come up with the following menu:
15-18 lbs of pulled pork (getting it from Sams Club so whatever size it is). Going to do 2 different dry rubs (one will be spicier)
3-4 slabs of spare ribs (dry rubbing these as well)
~10 lbs of chicken thighs (chicken tikka)
1 salmon fillet (probably going with the brown sugar + cedar plank method) for the kosherly sensitive guests
1 package of Turkey Dogs (for the kiddos)
1 package of Brats (for the bbq haters)
Green & Yellow Zucchini (sliced thick and cooked on my grill wok)
1 package of veggie burgers (for the heathens)
A Cheese pizza (for the heathens)
Tortilla chips and a "queso" sauce (velvetta + salsa

)
Lots of Potato salad and cole slaw
Potato rolls and hot dog buns
For the guests asking if they should bring anything, I've been telling them to bring a dessert. This makes it one less thing I have to worry about.
Overall, I think the menu is fairly simple. I'll start bbqing the pork saturday morning and I'll throw the ribs on Sunday early morning. Is there anything in the above list that I could easily cook before and just warm up on the day of the bbq?
thanks for all the tips and advice btw!