"While in the restroom I tried to hang myself with a toilet paper noose but that failed"
funniest thing i've read all week!
funniest thing i've read all week!
ColdFusion718
Diamond Member
- Mar 4, 2000
- 3,496
- 9
- 81
The worst date I've been on was probably from 2 years ago. This friend of mine introduced me to this girl he knew. He neglected to tell me that this girl had just gotten out of a crappy relationship.
We had lunch and then went for a stroll at the park and later went to the mall. Things were going well until she started answering her ex-bf's calls. She was also tired/hung over from the previous night of drinking. This pissed me off (why would you get totally wasted the night before you go on a date?).
I originally planned to take her to this benefit dinner/cocktail party (it was classy). Since she was hung over, I decided not to take her. After the mall, I just took her home and that was that.
She later told me that I was the first guy ever to buy her flowers (are you kidding me?). Btw, I'll never buy flowers for a girl again unless she is my gf or something.
We had lunch and then went for a stroll at the park and later went to the mall. Things were going well until she started answering her ex-bf's calls. She was also tired/hung over from the previous night of drinking. This pissed me off (why would you get totally wasted the night before you go on a date?).
I originally planned to take her to this benefit dinner/cocktail party (it was classy). Since she was hung over, I decided not to take her. After the mall, I just took her home and that was that.
She later told me that I was the first guy ever to buy her flowers (are you kidding me?). Btw, I'll never buy flowers for a girl again unless she is my gf or something.
HomeBrewerDude
Lifer
- Jan 18, 2001
- 14,465
- 1
- 0
I was dating a girl back in college... she seemed to be carefree enough, and we progressed along pretty quickly. 1 week into seeing her outside of class she suggests i come over and spend the night. Ok with me (I thought). We go out, and then head to her place. She has a few messages on her phone from another guy. No problem with me, since we've been dating for a just a week, but I thought it was odd that she would play her messages in front of me IF she knew there was a good chance that at least one msg would be from another guy.
Anyways, I was casual about the msgs and said I didn't care at this point about a monogamy. She psychologically turned a corner and become literally a different person. Yes... I got to experiences a dissociative personality up close and personal. Not only that but this other guy shows up at some point to prove to himself that she was cheating on him. I would have left, but my truck was locked in the garage and she was acting so freaky that I didn't think I would get out of the garage within driving through the door.
Instead, we patch up a bit and head to bed since it is now like 3 am. After laying down for a few minutes, she reaches under her bed and grabs a butcher's knife. She started screaming something about how she was tired of getting sh!t on by guys and then proceeded to slide the knife over her wrists. I was very awake at this point.
Fearing for her safety I lunged at her, knocked the knife out of her hands and pinned her. She wasn't bleeding and that in a way made her behavior even more mysterious. However, now that I had her pinned, she quickly channeled her rage at me, instead of diffusing it across all guys and herself. She began to fight in earnest, and I had my hands full trying to keep the fight from escalating. After about 10 minutes, she seemed to regain control, and when i released her she went for where she thought the knife was. Luckily, I had moved the knife while we tussled thinking that if she got away from me it might give me a tactical advantage. Keep in mind that this is prior to 911 being implemented. I had no idea how I was going to get safely from this house without running to a neighbors at 3:30am. Finally I decided to hoist her outside and neutralize her home court advantage... She had already showed me that she liked to stash weapons... Once outside, she began talking like a 5 year girl. Great... how many of will I get to meet? Finally, it dawned on me. This all started when I suggested that we not worry about monogamy....so being the logical person I am, suggested that in fact I had really strong feelings for her and that I thought we should formalize the relationship. The girl from my bio lecture came right back and was as sweet as could be as if she hadn't just spent the last 5 hours sulking and playing with sharp objects.
I still didn't know how to calmly get out of the house within sending back over the edge so I suggested we lay down get a couple of hours of sleep. I held her hand while she slept and I didn't sleep a wink out of fear that I would wake up to a scene out of Basic Instinct.
Needless to say, I broke off the relationship the next day and I transferred from the section.
Anyways, I was casual about the msgs and said I didn't care at this point about a monogamy. She psychologically turned a corner and become literally a different person. Yes... I got to experiences a dissociative personality up close and personal. Not only that but this other guy shows up at some point to prove to himself that she was cheating on him. I would have left, but my truck was locked in the garage and she was acting so freaky that I didn't think I would get out of the garage within driving through the door.
Instead, we patch up a bit and head to bed since it is now like 3 am. After laying down for a few minutes, she reaches under her bed and grabs a butcher's knife. She started screaming something about how she was tired of getting sh!t on by guys and then proceeded to slide the knife over her wrists. I was very awake at this point.
Fearing for her safety I lunged at her, knocked the knife out of her hands and pinned her. She wasn't bleeding and that in a way made her behavior even more mysterious. However, now that I had her pinned, she quickly channeled her rage at me, instead of diffusing it across all guys and herself. She began to fight in earnest, and I had my hands full trying to keep the fight from escalating. After about 10 minutes, she seemed to regain control, and when i released her she went for where she thought the knife was. Luckily, I had moved the knife while we tussled thinking that if she got away from me it might give me a tactical advantage. Keep in mind that this is prior to 911 being implemented. I had no idea how I was going to get safely from this house without running to a neighbors at 3:30am. Finally I decided to hoist her outside and neutralize her home court advantage... She had already showed me that she liked to stash weapons... Once outside, she began talking like a 5 year girl. Great... how many of will I get to meet? Finally, it dawned on me. This all started when I suggested that we not worry about monogamy....so being the logical person I am, suggested that in fact I had really strong feelings for her and that I thought we should formalize the relationship. The girl from my bio lecture came right back and was as sweet as could be as if she hadn't just spent the last 5 hours sulking and playing with sharp objects.
I still didn't know how to calmly get out of the house within sending back over the edge so I suggested we lay down get a couple of hours of sleep. I held her hand while she slept and I didn't sleep a wink out of fear that I would wake up to a scene out of Basic Instinct.
Needless to say, I broke off the relationship the next day and I transferred from the section.
MichaelD
Lifer
- Jan 16, 2001
- 31,528
- 3
- 76
Met nice clean-cut looking girl in club (Mistake #1). Very friendly, says she's single, blah, blah. We had some dancing, some kissy-kissy in parking lot. Got the digits. She says "Here's my address. Pick me up at 7:00 tomorrow.:
Great! :thumbsup:
Tomorrow at 7:00 I show up, dressed nice, smelling sparkly clean and sexy.
Front door to her apartment is wide open. There are like 10 people inside just hanging out...smoking pot...while an infant is crawling around on the floor unsupervised...I almost stepped on it when I walked in. I didn't immediately run away (Mistake #2).
She's in the kitchen behind an ironing board ironing a shirt....for the guy standing right there next to her....rubbing her shoulders.
I say "Um...Hi. K-K-K-Kathy? (don't remember her name) Um...are we going out?" Dude says to her "Who the fdck is this guy?"
She says "Just a friend...we're gonna go have a drink." "Hi Mike." Guy says "Whatever" takes his shirt and walks away. She picks up the baby and introduces her daughter...then puts baby down on floor. Baby attempts to crawl up my leg...I took a step back. :Q
She sits on the couch, starts smoking it up and yapping with the people just hanging out...completely ignores me for at least 10 minutes...like I wasn't there.
I turned around and left. Never saw her again. She's probably dead or in jail. This was in...1994.
Great! :thumbsup:
Tomorrow at 7:00 I show up, dressed nice, smelling sparkly clean and sexy.
Front door to her apartment is wide open. There are like 10 people inside just hanging out...smoking pot...while an infant is crawling around on the floor unsupervised...I almost stepped on it when I walked in. I didn't immediately run away (Mistake #2).
She's in the kitchen behind an ironing board ironing a shirt....for the guy standing right there next to her....rubbing her shoulders.
I say "Um...Hi. K-K-K-Kathy? (don't remember her name) Um...are we going out?" Dude says to her "Who the fdck is this guy?"
She says "Just a friend...we're gonna go have a drink." "Hi Mike." Guy says "Whatever" takes his shirt and walks away. She picks up the baby and introduces her daughter...then puts baby down on floor. Baby attempts to crawl up my leg...I took a step back. :Q
She sits on the couch, starts smoking it up and yapping with the people just hanging out...completely ignores me for at least 10 minutes...like I wasn't there.
I turned around and left. Never saw her again. She's probably dead or in jail. This was in...1994.
I?m friends with this girl ?Rachel?, she seems pretty cool at the time, except she keeps claiming to have some lupus like disease that the doctors can?t diagnose. She loses stuff a lot from a bad memory, she has dyslexia supposedly, and she says she?s tired all the time, and gets fatigued easily. Now she never seems fatigued when I see her out & about in Springfield at 3 in the morning, so I start to become suspicious. She?s always claiming to be getting tested for various new genetic diseases (think like lupus, m.s., etc.) It gets to the point where she?s constantly complaining about rather odd ?symptoms? she?s experiencing, so I decide to try a little test.
I call her one day and ask if she has ?shearwater?s disease? or ?mah hall?s syndrome?. These were completely fabricated diseases. The names were actually the last names of two of my cats. (Yes, my cat?s have last names). So anyway, I ask her about shearwaters disease first. She claims that no, she doesn?t have that, because it?s genetic and no one in her family has it. As for mah hall?s syndrome she says that symptoms for that usually appear earlier in life and her symptoms are more recent. So she's actually coming up with epidemiologies for these fake diseases I just fabricated.
I get off the phone with her, and I?m actually rather saddened, as this seemingly normal friend of mine is apparently bat-****** insane. A few days later I give her a call, I was going to tell her that she didn?t have to fake diseases to get me to be her friend, I thought she was cool enough as is. But lo and behold some guy picks up and starts swearing at me and calling me slang for a sexual orientation that doesn?t apply to me (it starts with ?f? and ends with ?aggot?). Now this girl is ALWAYS losing things like her cell phone, so I figure that she just lost another one and someone got their hands on it. So I call up her house and see if she?s there, but I get her dad instead, I tell him what happened and asked if ?rachel? was home. He tells me no, but that he?ll try her cellphone and see if the same guy picks up.
Well I get a call about 2 minutes later from Rachel on her cellphone, who?s hysterical. Apparently the whole thing was a prank. The guy from before apparently snatches the phone out of rachel?s hand and starts swearing at me, calling me ethnic slurs that don?t apply to me, and threatening to do a drive-by on me and my friends. He?s getting all wound up threatening me and wot not, but here?s the kicker. He says: ?Yo man?.I was on American Idle, I could kick your ***?..You wouldn?t have made it to the 2nd round yo?.I was on the 2nd round?they wouldn?t have let you past the first?so I could kick the **** out of you?. That?s right?I got threatened with death by an American Idol contestant. One who was apparently on T.V. at some point, but I don?t know what season.
I call her one day and ask if she has ?shearwater?s disease? or ?mah hall?s syndrome?. These were completely fabricated diseases. The names were actually the last names of two of my cats. (Yes, my cat?s have last names). So anyway, I ask her about shearwaters disease first. She claims that no, she doesn?t have that, because it?s genetic and no one in her family has it. As for mah hall?s syndrome she says that symptoms for that usually appear earlier in life and her symptoms are more recent. So she's actually coming up with epidemiologies for these fake diseases I just fabricated.
I get off the phone with her, and I?m actually rather saddened, as this seemingly normal friend of mine is apparently bat-****** insane. A few days later I give her a call, I was going to tell her that she didn?t have to fake diseases to get me to be her friend, I thought she was cool enough as is. But lo and behold some guy picks up and starts swearing at me and calling me slang for a sexual orientation that doesn?t apply to me (it starts with ?f? and ends with ?aggot?). Now this girl is ALWAYS losing things like her cell phone, so I figure that she just lost another one and someone got their hands on it. So I call up her house and see if she?s there, but I get her dad instead, I tell him what happened and asked if ?rachel? was home. He tells me no, but that he?ll try her cellphone and see if the same guy picks up.
Well I get a call about 2 minutes later from Rachel on her cellphone, who?s hysterical. Apparently the whole thing was a prank. The guy from before apparently snatches the phone out of rachel?s hand and starts swearing at me, calling me ethnic slurs that don?t apply to me, and threatening to do a drive-by on me and my friends. He?s getting all wound up threatening me and wot not, but here?s the kicker. He says: ?Yo man?.I was on American Idle, I could kick your ***?..You wouldn?t have made it to the 2nd round yo?.I was on the 2nd round?they wouldn?t have let you past the first?so I could kick the **** out of you?. That?s right?I got threatened with death by an American Idol contestant. One who was apparently on T.V. at some point, but I don?t know what season.
GrantMeThePower
Platinum Member
- Jun 10, 2005
- 2,923
- 2
- 0
are you ****** serious?!???? HOly sh!t!!!! thats the craziest story ever.When did this take place?
I've never really been on a *bad* date, but I spose the closest would be having to take care of a puking girl who claimed she could match everyone in shots. Twice.
ViviTheMage
Lifer
PCTC2
Diamond Member
- Feb 18, 2007
- 3,892
- 33
- 91
what i have isn't really a bad date. it's more of a bad series of mistakes over a period of time.
1) This girl is the ex of 2 of my friends. She's cool, and I had been friends with her for a while, so I didn't stop being her friend for the guys.
2) This girl has issues with her family. So she got up and left. This is where it all started.
We went up to Boston, MA to chill to get away from her family and mine. I took her out to dinner at a nice Italian restaurant and then we walked around the city for a few hours just talking.
We went back to my house and went to bed together. All is good. For a few days she lives with me and it remains good. We go on a few dates here and there and have a lot of fun together.
She moves back into her house.
Over the next few days, I saw her slowly decline into exhaustion and depression but she wouldn't tell me what's up. I figure it's her parents so I back off.
So we're about to go on another date when she comes up and tells me she can't. She can't because she doesn't want a boyfriend. I back off.
The next day, my friend tells me that she's been sleeping with my best friend for the past few weeks. That's just great. He's been my best friend for 10 years. I see him AND her everyday and it's a great testimony for human decency.
1) This girl is the ex of 2 of my friends. She's cool, and I had been friends with her for a while, so I didn't stop being her friend for the guys.
2) This girl has issues with her family. So she got up and left. This is where it all started.
We went up to Boston, MA to chill to get away from her family and mine. I took her out to dinner at a nice Italian restaurant and then we walked around the city for a few hours just talking.
We went back to my house and went to bed together. All is good. For a few days she lives with me and it remains good. We go on a few dates here and there and have a lot of fun together.
She moves back into her house.
Over the next few days, I saw her slowly decline into exhaustion and depression but she wouldn't tell me what's up. I figure it's her parents so I back off.
So we're about to go on another date when she comes up and tells me she can't. She can't because she doesn't want a boyfriend. I back off.
The next day, my friend tells me that she's been sleeping with my best friend for the past few weeks. That's just great. He's been my best friend for 10 years. I see him AND her everyday and it's a great testimony for human decency.
TRENDING THREADS
-
Discussion Zen 5 Speculation (EPYC Turin and Strix Point/Granite Ridge - Ryzen 9000)- Started by DisEnchantment
- Replies: 25K
-
Discussion Intel Meteor, Arrow, Lunar & Panther Lakes + WCL Discussion Threads
- Started by Tigerick
- Replies: 23K
-
Discussion Intel current and future Lakes & Rapids thread- Started by TheF34RChannel
- Replies: 23K
-
-
Facebook
Twitter